What right do in-laws have?

Question

Before my son was born me and my in-laws got along great. But now that he's here I find it harder and harder to deal with them. The women in particular. They are all over powering and wear the pants in the family. I'm the complete opposite. They try to tell me how to parent my son, who just turned 9 months yesterday. They tell me what he should eat, how he should nap, how I should teach him and so on, ect. I welcome any and all advice but I feel they are TELLING me this is how it should be and get mad if it's not their way. Like, last Saturday my sister-in-law said she wanted him to spend the night. She has 2yr old twin boys and just found out she's expecting. So she wants to see how it would be with 3. I said I just wasn't ready to be away from him for the night and my Aunt-in-law blurted out, "it's not all about you!" I know it's not but I'm just not ready. When I try to talk to my husband about these things he either takes their side or blows it off as us women being catty. Once when I told my sister-in-law that I didn't feel comfortable giving my son table foods she was trying to feed him she said , "well he's MY nephew and I want him to try it." Am I being over protective or what? I feel he is my child no matter what and I call the shots. I know they mean well and love him and I'm thankful for that but how do I handle them because I'm not sure I can take it anymore.

Answer 1

Do they live with you?  

Answer 2

Well I agree with you that you should not be bullied into sending your child for a sleep over at such a young age. So you do call the shots there!! If they give advice say thankyou for your input some advice you can take some you would rather not take . In the long run you do what is best for you and your child.

Just so long as you are not trying to shut them out ,cause he needs grandparents too. Talk to your husband maybe you are so over whelmed, maybe it's not such a big issue  

Answer 3

No you are not being overprotective your being a mother. You are not the problem they are. In-laws are very difficult to deal with especially women.If you are not scared of them then you need to tell them where you draw the line and that you have boundaries when it comes to your child. At 9months I wouldn't feel comfortable with letting my baby spend the night with somebody so don't feel bad. Just let them know they are crossing the line and its your child you will raise him the way you want. So just sit them down and talk to them

Answer 4

If this was a wolf pack, I'd say that she was definitely making a bid for the alpha female role...and you the cringing beta...

Answer 5

I agree with everything said above, except for the suggestion that you should not make your husband choose sides.  He did that when he married you.  Bringing up baby is the duty and privilege of both of you as a couple, and you have to get him to be serious about backing you up on childrearing issues when you're around the "out-laws".  

By minimizing your concerns, he's letting them run roughshod over you and that will only hurt the child and your relationships.

Answer 6

I've been there with bossy in-laws and my child.  You need to stick to your guns and when you say "no" that is the end of the discussion.  As for the food problem, just take it off his plate and throw it in the garbage.  Then tell sis-in-law that when you say no your not kidding.  

P.S. Be prepared for a fight in some cases because they are not use to being told no.

Answer 7

Tell your husband he has to either stand up for you and your son, or else you and the baby will not spend time with his family anymore.  Your in - laws have absolutely NO rights to your child.  I love my sisters - in - law, but if either of them acted like that, they'd probably have an imprint of my hand on their face. You and your husband, and the two of you alone, have the right to make parenting decisions for your child.  It's time for you to stand up for your rights as a mother.  Good luck.  

Answer 8

it IS about you. If it is not about you, than who is it about? Them? That is a laugh. You are the parent. They had their turn, and now it is yours. It is about YOU. It is your turn to parent and you need to feel comfortable about how you are treated (which should be, even with no kids) and how your child is treated. Your husband really needs to stand behind you on this, or the marriage will start having problems really quick if your feelings are dismissed and instead of dealing with your reality, stereotypes you in a negative way in order to justify dismissing you and your reality. He may regret that someday when he was all alone. But for now, give it your best effort. Set up some boundaries, and if they are not respected, than these people are not allowed in your life. They are not allowed to make you miserable. Why? Because you life IS about about you. Why would you make yourself uncomfortable so that others can feel comfortable? Why would you let yourself feel bad, so that others can feel good? Why should they even make you have to choose?

Answer 9

No you are totally not in the wrong here-her saying "its my nephew" is almost asking for a slap. So what if it is-he's your son!!! i bet if you tried doing something with her kids she was unhappy with she'd be the first to stop it.

I'd sit down with your husband and tell him that if he doesn't start taking your side over these things that you will be the one telling them the way it is and you won't be as subtle about it as he might. He should be taking your side over this-he's your husband!!!

Answer 10

I'll admit, the "he's MY nephew" thing got to me.  The only thing that they need to know is that while he is in YOUR CARE, you are responsible for him-not anyone else.  Only you have the right to decide what's right for your baby.  If you don't have the backbone to stand up and say, whoa hold on here, you'll really only have yourself to blame if something negative happens to your child because you didn't want to hurt anyone feelings.  

The best thing to do is simply smile and say thanks for the advice, and then carry on with whatever decision you make anyway.  With regards to the my nephew statement, in this case, remove your son from the situation by telling her he's done with her feeding him and go on and feed him yourself.  If you enable this type of behaviour, you will undoubtedly foster inappropriate actions you really don't want to have to deal with later.  Have you thought of making him less assessable to the family as well?  Good luck!!

Answer 11

They don't have any right to override you as a parent. If you don't like what they are doing you need to stand up for yourself and change it. Your dealing with women who wear the pants. Thats like me and my mother and my sister. If you cant stand up put the big girl pants on and make them hear you your not going to get anywhere. That may sound rude or harsh but thats how it is. If you cant stand toe to toe on your beliefs your asking them to ignore them.

Answer 12

Keep your distance!! They sound like control freaks. He is your son and you can raise him how you want. I would set down boundaries on what is acceptable and not you have the right to and you should

Answer 13

If they cant respect the way YOU want to raise YOUR child, then dont let them be around him that often. Dont try to make your husband 'pick sides' they are his family (as are you) and its just not fair to him.