What rights do i have if the grandparents just got into the picture??

Question

well theres this little girl that we would like to adopt but the grandparents got into the picture we had already been to court and the judge would give us the oppourtunity we just had to be certified now we are certified but now the social workers supervisors are saying there trying to look for the grandparents do you think we have a better chance because we were the only ones that went to the court when the adoption process was going to be decided and none of her biological family cared about her. i know i do not want to lose my baby girl.

Answer 1

Dear b,

I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation and I sympathize with your fear and pain. I can only imagine how you must feel. However, to honestly answer your Q:

Please understand that I am not trying to be rude but there are some things you should know.

First of all, this child is NOT yours until an adoption is finalized. It would perhaps be wise to not think that way until you are sure that you will be parenting her just in case the Grandparents DO win custody. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for some serious emotional issues. Protect yourself and your emotions as much as possible. I understand your desire to parent her and in no way mean to undermine your emotions, I just do not want you to add to your pain by setting your heart on something that may not happen. I know it will be devistating if she is placed with them but you must prepare for that possibility.

Secondly, if the Grandparents are fit caretakers for this little girl, it is the DUTY of the Courts to allow her to grow up with her biological family. As a former Officer of the Court (I was GAL or "voice of the child in court" for over 5 years), I can tell you that we are TRAINED to consider biological family FIRST as it is truly in the best interest of the child whenever possible. We were REQUIRED to seek out biological placement prior to placing a child in a foster or adoptive home in order to preserve family ties. Sometimes it takes time to locate relatives and it is unfair to say that they didn't care if they were unaware of the situation with their Granddaughter or in another state and hadn't been located. I am sorry to tell you that in the case that they are fit caretakers, their rights will generally supercede yours.

IF this little girl is placed with her Grandparents, I hope that you can find it in your heart to be happy for her. Perhaps you can forge a relationship with them and continue to be a positive part of this girl's life.

Sometimes things happen for a reason and if she is placed with her biological relatives I would hope it is because another child needs you even more. I wish you luck and hope that your dreams of a family come true, if not this time, in the very near future.

Answer 2

I have found from my personal experience that the grandparents just want to be involved. DDs paternal grandparents were already raising a daughter's children, and she told the GAL she just could not take on another child. They just asked to be involved. The maternal grandparents are our relatives. We have kept our promise. And DD has has three sets of grandparents who adore her.

Ours was a contested adoption until DDs father told the court her was unfit to care for her. His parents are lovely people and like DD they are innocent and have no responsibility for the mistakes their son has made. Please do not shut them out.

DDs father is incarcerated for a second rape. He is awaiting sentencing for attempted murder of another prisioner.

Answer 3

Dont worry, even if they get her there will always be other chances. Im adopted, and if my blood relatives had fought for me i would have felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

Answer 4

I went through the same thing with my oldest.

HOWEVER, they are family and they do have a pretty good chance! Usually courts like to put together families instead of matching them with people that didn't know the family.

There is a chance and if you fight it, you could get her.

But remember if she's with her family that could be for the best, but I do hope you get her! I remember how it felt to almost lose my daughter to her biological aunt. Luckily I was able to fight the aunt and keep my daughter. And I hope the same happens to you.

E-mail me at [e-mail] if you want to talk about biological realitives.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 5

You really need to look at the bigger picture here.  When you say that you want to adopt this baby, are you thinking mostly about the baby or mostly about yourselves?

If you had the opportunity to be raised by your natural grandparents or by total strangers who would you choose?  It is a good thing if the nfamily wants to raise their grandchild and it is better for the child to stay with the nfamily as long as they provide a loving and safe home.  

Adoption is meant to help children who don't have capable or stable family members to care for it.  Adopt a baby that REALLY needs you.

Answer 6

Look at the big picture. Its not about your wants.