What score would you give my SAT practice essay on a scale of 1-6?

Question

What score would you give this? Tips & suggestions would help too. Thanks!

Question: What motivates people to change?

Ward Sybouts (this was from the prompt, where he talked about how all change came from the inside), in his handbook for planning in school administration, states that all of a person's motivation for change comes from within. Largely, this is a true statement, because above all, a person's resolution to evolve into one with a different personality comes from their own personal motives. However, it would be inaccurate to assume that people only change from the inside. Bother outer and inner circumstances cause people to change.

One factor instrumental in changing a person is his or her environment. When a person moves from one city to another, for example, he or she becomes exposed to an entirely new group of people to whom he or she must learn to adapt. Children and teens face new social situations at school, while adults may face a new group of co-workers.

Answer 1

69!!!!!!!

Answer 2

I'd give it a 2.

It's very very short. For the 20 minutes you have to write an essay it should definately be longer than that. But you're off to a good start. The key to these essays is to include a major example. The environment example is great, but you need to develop it more. Your thesis is that people change bc of their motivation to change.

In your example you could talk more about the adapting part. People adapt because they feel the need to. And they feel the need to because of inner movation. Then after that I'd stick in one paragraph at the end relating the example to your thesis. It can be a fairly short paragraph.

Answer 3

i think i'd give a 4

although you seem to be able to write in a rather adept way, but  it seems to me that the content is not very fulfilling and worth discussing

Answer 4

You spend too much time illustrating and supporting change from without....which is comparatively easy when compared to attempting to explain what motivates a person to change from within. Try to balance your exposition of both interactions to support your position.

Answer 5

I'd give it a 3.

You should be using examples from history, real life situations that have impacted you, or literature to strengthen your essay. Thats what they're going to be looking for. Also, some of the wording is really awkward making it harder to read through and I know they don't grade too much upon grammer but if its really choppy they are going to knock the points down a bit. Just keep practicing and keep in mind we're probably all grading it harder than they would anyways!