What shall i do? any advice?

Question

I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have had a up and down relationship and he has cheated on me in the past, I have forgive him for this and am now trying to build my trust back up, He used to go out and say he would be back in an hour then come in like 11 hours later but this stopped, it has now started again and he doesnt seem to care that hes lying to me about it and leaving me with the kids all the time, i noticed it happens more when he goes to his brothers he just sits there drinking and when i say something he just says im a moaning cow. I have told him he has to choose family life or go it alone as he acts like he has no responsabilaties but hes just carried on as normall, said im a thick ***** coz if he was moving out he would have gone already.He says he wants more kids but i dont think this is the right time to have any more..he says he loves me and he knows hes not being nice but i dont see any change, he thinks i should be able to trust what he says 100% but how can i? I keep asking myself havei done something wrong?

Answer 1

Kim, you forgave him before and that shows you wanna be with him and you still love him, to him your telling him ''fine carry on'' and thats what happening now. Everything you do or say, it just don't matter to him any more. You know why? Cause you will always go back to him! He has you for granted! So when he says to you wheres the trust at? what do you have to answer? You can't go back and tell him ''but you cheated'' cause he can just answer with '' yeah and you was cool with it why you bring it up now''

You forgave him, and if you can't trust him again then the question should be. Why you still allowing him to lower your pride and self respect? Cheating happens, its in the moment and i don't believe a cheater is always a cheater. But when your forgiven for it, you may just risk it and see what happens. I hope he is not cheating on you. Just make sure your kids are cool. Make sure you believe in them in future and make sure you believe in yourself. life's to short to  for emotional feelings sometimes, its about enjoying yourself but you have kids so i can understand. If you want him that much and accept him to s***w your pride then by all means do it. But at the end of the day. Its your own fault. good luck love! x

Answer 2

Definitely, don't have anymore kids. Because if you had to go you would have to take care of them all alone. And the only way your relationship will work, is if you both give your life to the lord.  It is a awesome experience and you will learn how to treat one another. And your love for one another will be renewed. May God bless you and your family.  

Answer 3

The only thing you have done wrong is a terrible injustice to yourself - by staying with him!  You know you deserve so much better than this!  He has no right to call you names.  A man like that won't change.  He has responsibilities but isn't taking care of any of them.  Maybe it's time you moved on to find someone who treats you better.

Answer 4

The only thing you have probably done wrong is being too 'soft' and understanding. As, you said, your partner doesn't take his responsabilities seriously which means he has no RESPECT for you and probably takes you for granted.

What should you do? Do you really want this man in your life? If you do, you should go with him to counselling. You should not put up with this kind of atitude from him.

I personally would have dumped him a long time ago. But again, you have to decide if you want him or not . If there is still  any love between you two?

Answer 5

I don't know if this is a coincidence or anything, but you have the same name as my wife (Kim) and i have done the same exact thing (Not cheating though) to her. I didn't cheat on her (Don't get down like that), but i did neglect my duties as a father and a "Partner". The reason behind that was, i was caught up in the streets. My boys, brother, things around me kept me caught up and it was fun. Usually when i said I'd be back in an hour or 2, it turned into 6 -12hrs. She was hurt all the time by it and was a "moaning cow" like he said you are lol. Although she was hurt, she never gave me an ultimatum. If she did, i would've hit the door quick. Thats how hard it WAS being with me. She eventually hung on while i was wildin out and having fun and i eventually left her so i didn't have to come home to the headaches and harassment. Freedom was sweet!

Eventually i came to my senses, because we still loved each other and i had an awakening moment, and got back in there. Sometimes it takes men a while longer to pull it together than women. We are happily married and been for about 6yrs.

As for him cheating.....

It's understandable to be wary of your "Partners" actions, especially when there was a breach of trust. And you can say that you trust him to yourself a billion times daily, but the fact is, you can never let it go. That type of pain, the pain of being betrayed, sticks to your ribs like peanut butter. And if he's back to doing what he did before he cheated, it's almost like "Groundhogs Day" the movie. You think you know whats coming next but do you really? Honestly, if i was cheated on, it would've never happened again, not from the same person anyways.

Theres a time when your stuck in the middle of your feelings. You love him and want to give him a chance, but at the same time, you don't want to be hurt again, especially by the person you was betrayed by the first time. It makes you feel stupid. Now your in this position where you have to make a choice, a choice for your family and for your own emotional distress. You don't want to jump the gun and make feel like you made a mistake, but you also don't want to be stuck doing the job of 2 parents.

My advice is, move on. You don't have to necessarily move on with someone else, just move on without HIM. Your common sense demands it! It's better to go it alone for a bit. And i'm 100% sure he will come back to you with a new attitude. Sometimes you have to separate yourself from the problem to get a fresh perspective on how to handle it the next time it shows it's ugly head. Plus this will also give HIM the chance to actually miss the good thing he had. I don't mean keep him hanging with that thought that he can get back into your heart 100%. You have to make him suffer, not for revenge, but more for a learning experience. Regardless of how you feel about your confidence, women are much stronger than men emotionally. Once you put your foot down and say "NO MORE!", it will become that way, "NO MORE!". :)

Good luck with your relationship....

i'm done ranting on, and on, and on........

Answer 6

i disagree, you should work on this, you can make this work

he knows u don't like it, but guys often need their own space and feel like their suffocating, so give him some breathing room. Let him know that ur cool if he has his own time, you just need to know before hand so you're not worried. Dont say it like a mum, say it like a wife who wants to spend time with her husband

how's ur s*x life? cos that's a great indicator of how the relationship's doing. no s*x. . . ur probably just living together, not really loving each other  

Answer 7

time for you to leave honey.not only is the situation stressing,but he is emotionally abusive which is not healthy for your kids,you or the home enviroment.  and he wants more kids,he needs to grow up himself,do you really want your kids growing up like him,and treat their partners that way...it is wrong no matter how you look at it...and the cheating will never stop,he is a man...you stay and he thinks he can s***w you over and not suffer the conciquences and get away with you,he will continue to do it...get out that is what is best for both you and the kids...good luck..u need it..

Answer 8

Sounds like you should insist on going your separate ways, also sounds like you could do way better.

Good luck.