What should I about my current family problem?

Question

Warning this might be long and might offense some people

My family is a complete mess, but is belief summary about my family past. My dad sexually abuse when I was nine years-old and my mom never believe me when I told her. I been working since I was fifteen to support myself and I moved out when I was 17. I still come by my parents' house once a week to pick up my mail (they need me to say I love there so they keep their housing funding from the government.) I have two little brothers. One is totally spoil - not spoil in gifts, but my mom will cater to him. She brings him food into his room and drives him around like a taxi driver. She never pay attention to me or my youngest brother. I don't care about her action toward me (really don't because of how she treated the whole thing with my dad,) but I do care about my little brother. Lately his grades have been slipping and he might get kick out of honors.

Now their car always break down and they want my boyfriend to fix it. They only have one car so they need to share it or my mom says. My dad is a truck driver and need to be drop to work in different cities, but my mom never drives him (I usually do.) She claims that my dad need it, but most of the millages on the car is from her driving my spoil brother around. She say it is more important to drive him around to his friend house so he can be happy then to food on the table.

Should my boyfriend continue to help them? I really don't want her to keep on spoiling him so the only thing I think I can do is have her stop driving him around, but what I'm worried about is my youngest brother. What if he needs to the library or something. I don't want to 'punish' him for my family mistake. How can I get her to stop spoiling him, make him go to school and help her other son with his studies? I tried talking to my mom about it and she say she wants her favorite happy. I tried talking to my dad but he said he's too busy and tried from work to get involved with it. And my little brother could care less about anyone, but himself.

Please help! I'm losing sleep over this

Answer 1

I read it all .

I feel so bad for you.  You seem to have done well for yourself and seem like an intelligent person.

This is a hard thing to learn in life. You cant change other people.

Your parents are very screwed up people

You see this now that you are older.

You may have to face the reality that you will have to cut ties with them in life, for your own peace of mind.  Im serious about this.  

Its heartbreaking about your unfavored brother.  

Once youre 18, and legally your own person.

Perhaps you could seek custody of him.  If thats something you'd consider.  There may not be enough to pull this off successfully.

To put it bluntly.. they are using you in a number of ways.

  Now they are using your boyfriend too.   He's in a position to refuse their freebie car service.  

And using whoever else will provide something free for them.

Boy, this is a real mess.  I wish I had an easy answer for you.    

What I would do, once I was 18, would be to relocate to a different state.    Just wash my hands of the entire thing.   Life is about survival, and sometimes you JUST HAVE TO leave some people behind.   You dont have to disappear..just get far far away.

And not somewhere on your father's truck routes.  You know where those are by now.

Travel is expensive, and so thats a plus factor.  

Let your little "unfavored" brother know FOR SURE..youre always going to be there for him...whenever he needs you. Make sure he has your phone number.    

I do wish you the best in life. You had a rough start.

I had a cousin in a very very similar situation.   I relate pretty well to your dilemma.

Answer 2

You're a better person than many by putting up with your parents c**p, if that is what you  want to call them. I would have disassociated myself from them a long time ago.

A mother is suppose to be there for ALL her children. There should be no favorites, she should not be using you to defraud the government and most importantly she should have left her husband long ago.

If i were you i wouldn't have anything to do with them. I know you love your little brother but if he doesn't want any help, you can't help him. However, if you still want to help him out you can have him emancipated. As long as you live in stable environment and he continues to go to school. I had a friend who was emancipated when she was 16 because she couldn't take living with her mother anymore.

Answer 3

who is going to read all that just call a help line and talk to those people they are there to help you  

Answer 4

Tell your boyfriend to stop helping them the way they treat you ,you should not even consider them mom and dad......Good luck and take care you have been taking care of yourself so far ,you or your boyriend should not help them after what they have done to you.

Answer 5

Have a talk with your family and say ur boyfreind will only fix it if... your rules come here =)

Answer 6

???

Answer 7

It sounds to me like you owe your father and mother nothing.

One thing life has taught me is that people sometimes have to be put "on the edge" in order to have them wake up to reality and change their behaviour for the better.

If it were me I would be letting the Housing Department know that you have now moved out. That will force your parents to have to face life by getting off their backsides instead of bludging on government handouts.

You say that one of your brothers is well looked after by them....well that favouritism will not change even if their circumstances do. As for the brother not so favoured, you just might be able to arrange for him to stay with you,,,,if not full time at least part time so that he gets at least half the attention weekly you would like him to have.

You have to bite the bullet! It is your life and no-one, least of all your own parents, has any right to use or abuse you in any way as you have so far  chosen to accept.

We all are destined to grow up and leave home sometime...as we are all entitled to explore the world and its opportunities...just as your parents did before you came along!

You could tell your parents that you were called in to the Housing Department or that you decided to no longer remain captive to a situation in which you could become liable for legal prosecution.

If your parents have any character at all they will applaud and understand your decision and action in that regard.

If they show anger and hostility towards you.....that will tell you all you need to know to justify your having nothing more to do with them.

Your best action then would be to leave them to  their own selfish lives and get on with enjoying life yourself.

Blood ties do not bind you BLIND loyalty. Those who think it does are the epitome of SELFISHNESS and are best avoided altogether!

I applaud you for being such a kind and caring person in spite of having been a victim of just the opposite!

Good luck and take care!

Answer 8

WELL 1ST OF ALL YOU CANT CONTROL WHAT YOUR MOTHER DOES, NOR COULD YOU CHOOSE HER AS YOUR MOTHER, and sounds like your mom has is very self centered, always thinking of herself. She probably feels guilt for not being there for you,  and not being able to rescue you, she had no way of fixing it.I think she feels some kind of need to prove herself,now, in some way to someone, and your son is maybe her way. You shoudnt stop helping, because God sees what your doing, and your goodness will come back to you in a good way in the long run. Just love your brothers as you are, because its the right way. Good Luck!!

Answer 9

I know how you feel my dad was hitting me when I was young but now he stopped and mum is hitting me now...let him just fix the car and talk to your mother again if she still wants to drive your brother around cause he's her favorite than so be it...you can give your little brother the attention he deserves and let her drives your brother around she will understand the mistakes she made when he grows up...but first keep talking to your mother about your little brother...i don't want to say this but shout at her if you have to...why sould your little brother suffer?!? sacrfice  

Answer 10

Get away, like a bat out of h**l.  Save yourself, they will drown you in their misery if you let them.  I understand your situtation, family members are often your worst enemy.  I looked all over the world, honestly wondering what was wrong with my family.  I have yet to meet more vile, and ill mannered folk in all of my travels and searching.  I learned more on the street, with teenage gangs than in my own family.  Even they had more honor and standards.  Believe me, I looked for answers because there was a BLACKHOLE of compassion and standards in my own family.