What should I call my natural mother?

Question

I looking for something to call her aside from her first name.

I just met my natural mother for the first time a few weeks ago. I don't feel comfortable calling her any form of "Mom" just yet. I also don't feel confortable referring my the idiots that raised me Mom and Dad around her. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

I'd stick with her first name, mom is an EARNED title..

And it belongs to the woman/women who raised you.

Birth families are kind of in the area of In-laws...yes they're family, but not in the same way as who raised you. I'd call her the same thing you'd call your mother-in-law.

Answer 2

I like the idea another poster gave about finding a version of mom in a different language.

Answer 3

Hmmm that's a hard one. When I met my birth mother I asked her what I should call her and she said "I know who I am and I know my first name". I decided to call her mom. I called my adoptive mom mama, so that worked for me.

Maybe you and she can come up with something together,such as a forgien word for mom or friend.  I am sure in time the t wo of you will find the word that fits.

Answer 4

I would call her by her first name, until I felt comfortable enough to call her something else that just came naturally.

I'm a birth mother, so if the day ever comes that my daughter wants a relationship with me, I would introduce myself as my first name and she could call me anything she wanted as time passed.

Answer 5

ask her.

Answer 6

I have exactly the same problem. After 5 years, I still don't feel comfortable with the whole thing. So far, here's how I've handled it:

I have actually found ways to avoid addressing my bio mother directly - she usually knows I am talking to her... On occasion, I've even given her the good ol' hey "you."

When I talk to her about the parents that raised me, I refer to them as "my adoptive parents." And with them, I refer to her as my "biological mother." That's exactly what they are, and this way, at least for me, I don't feel like I'm being untrue or fake with anyone.

There's really no easy answer to this, as I'm sure you know... but just remember to do what feels best for you...  if it makes you more comfortable to call her by her first name, then do it. You did not ask to be put where you are, so do what is comfortable for YOU.

I hope this helps some.

Answer 7

I like the idea of using a different language to call her "Ma" or "Mom".  I also understand not wanting to call her by her first name.  What if you used the nick name "Angel"?  I feel that my son's bio-parents are true "angels" because they gave us the gift of a family by creating an adoption plan for their son.  Since "Angel" can be considered a female name, it might be a suggestion that would work for you if you felt the same way.  

Good luck.

Answer 8

just give her a nick name or call her by her real name

Answer 9

Call her pal

Answer 10

I would have to say go with the first name I did with Jerry (bio-dad) he wasn't the one who raised me and I only knew  him as Jerry a person who was never apart of my life except for the sperm.

Answer 11

I am a birth mother and my daughter calls me by my 1st name.  it wouldnt feel fitting if she called me Mom since her adoptive Mom earned that name (I was only 16 when she was born)

if you both dont like the 1st name thing, try something more endearing like whatever she would want to be called as a grandmother - Mimi..Meme or something close to that using the 1st initial of her first name.

Answer 12

I'm glad you got to meet you mom, maybe you can tell me how you did it so i can find mine? Why don't you ask her nicely what she would like for you to call her.There is no disrespect in that. Good Luck

Answer 13

well i found my real mom but she was dead. i did find and talk to my real dad at one time they were married. i know that my folks were drunks and druggers also. they had 3 girls (me is 3) and that i was given up nearly day i was born i was with my grandma. when i talked to my real dad i coun't call him dad and i didn't. i actually didn't call him nothing i wrote him 30 page letter and stuff telling him how i was raised and thanks for giving me away. as for mom if she'd been alive then i wouldn't have called her mom and i dont' think i could ever do this. in fact in reality they aren't your parents the one that raised and took care of you are your parents. I would call her by her first name if that is my wish and it would have bene and i would call my parents by mom and dad around her. why not its not being mean just real. that is how i am not sure what you would wan tto do but remember who was therefore you regardless of what the reason was. sometimes you do see people that can't really take care of one more and they do. so you see there is reason to justice. i dont' hate and never will but i also feel i am fair and honest and there fore i would be in this case as i see it take care.

Answer 14

Mimi it close to it but not plus she hasn't earned that title of mom so I guess mimi works. Good luck

Answer 15

try called her mom and see how it feels

Answer 16

sit down are think about what name would fit for her. Like kids pick a name for grandparents and aunts and uncles that is what you need to do.  When you think of your biological mother what comes to mind.  Would you be comfortable with calling her Mother?  Could you pick a nickname for her for her first name that way you aren't necessarily calling her by her first name but you don't have to feel wierd calling her mom either?  Basically you need to find what you feel comfortable with.  As for your parents just refer to them as your parents.  You don't have to call them mom and dad around her just say "my parents".  I have heard plenty of people refer to their mom and dad that way in these situations because that is what they are, your parents.  It may take awhile before you feel comfortable calling your biomom mom but it also may come faster than you thought and it is ok to have 2 moms or 2 dads or whatever.

Answer 17

y dotn u call her real mom and your parents mom and dad.

Answer 18

my thought process would go something like this

Your not my mother in any sense of the word

Your not a close friend in any sense of the word

Every other adult I meet I call by their given name unless they have a nick name they answer to that everyone calls them

if she can't live with you calling her by her first name because she hasn't earned any sort of name that implies closeness then you should probably just not call her anything

closeness can not and should not be faked or forced and giving her a nick name or some version of mom would be doing so and in my opinion gives her a the advantage of some sort of authority she has not yet earned

Answer 19

That is something that only you will have to determine in time.  It is still difficult for me to call my step father, "dad", although, he always refers to me as his daughter. My birthfather is still alive, and I have a relationship with him as father/daughter. In any case, I call my step dad by his first name, and occasionally, dad too.

Answer 20

mother.

Answer 21

I think you should call her by her name. She did not raise you so she is not really your "mother".  She is just an aqcuantaince right now so call her what you call all the other people you know. By her name.

Answer 22

You have to call her mom. It's only natural and it will feel uncomfortable to call her anything else. (call her MA) or if that is a big fat no call her by her firt name..her first name..if you want to really get at her call her "mrs.Jones" Or whatever her last name is.. I mean what else can you call her...

Answer 23

I call my birth mom "Mom".  Robin R. if you want to e-mail me, I can tell you how I found my mom.

Answer 24

The easiest for now would probably be her first name.  Or some nickname.  Its what your comfortable with.

Answer 25

I would say hold off making a decision until something comes naturally to you.  It's only been a few weeks, so Mom may feel natural in a couple of months.  Or you may come up with a nickname to do with her name, or something else that feels "right" to you.  Perhaps you can call your adoptive parents their first names around your natural mother i.e. "Jim and Sandy" like to eat dinner at 6 p.m.

Answer 26

you may call her big mama,  bi mom,  momi,  amman,  maan g ,Ammee.these are the mixture of different languages .I would ask my baby to call her biological mom with one of these words.And let her realize that her biological mother did a great sacrifize .And we should own it & dont hurt her by ignoring her.good luck

Answer 27

My birth daughter calls me by my first name. It was her choice. She has a mom so I am her friend.

Answer 28

I know you said something aside from her first name, but this might be your best choice right now.  As your relationship develops between each other, you may find yourself calling her a nickname, or maybe calling her "Mom" later on if you get close enough.  There is no need to force a name that you don't particularly like, and that she may not feel comfortable with.  Talk with her, let her know where you are coming from.

Answer 29

u could call her by her last name..... lol