What should I do, Husband is talking to Ex Girlfriend?

Question

We have been married for 9 years, together 10, with 4 children. He broke up with her a few months before we were together. We lived in Michigan, and now we live in Alabama and she is still in Michigan. She called him out of the blue a month ago,and now they are talking all the time, and I know she is saying she misses him, and trying to talk about old times a lot. They were together 4 year, no kids. They were like 17-20 when they were together. I know he isn't going to leave me for her, he wouldn't go back to michigan, and leave the kids.. don't even think she would come here for him, but I don't know what to do.. I love him, and I want our family together, but it's driving me crazy! What do I do?

Answer 1

i think u should let him know it bothers u. if him and his ex had kids that would be one thing or if they were still friends when it was all over would be ok if it was ok with u but it sounds like she's causing trouble were she shouldn't

Answer 2

husband is talking to ex-girlfriend?

             answer= talk to him , make him understand ,what he is doing is wrong ,breaking the family apart,making you and the kids insecure,a man is supposed to love and respect his family,and then he will get the same in return,tell him to stop if he does not want his home in trouble.

                 good luck.  

Answer 3

I can understand your angst.  This isn't an old college bud, or family friend that is getting in touch with him, but a former lover who is seeking him out as a friend (?) after not seeing him for ten years.  Your husband needs to take your feeling into consideration.  An old lover who wouldn't let go and now just wants to be platonic sounds too ridiculous to be true.  

You've let your husband know that this bothers you, you need to let him know what it is doing to you and suggest counseling.  If he wouldn't go to support you or discuss it with you, go by yourself to either make yourself stronger.  

Their are affairs other than of just the physical variety, their are also emotional affairs.  Either way by spending time on the phone with his ex, he is taking time or attention away from you and the family.  Family men do not speak to their exes, except if there are children that they are raising involved, but give respect to their wives if their wives are being bothered by the behavior.

Answer 4

I think you're just being insecure he's been married to you for 9 years and 4 kids later i don't see him leaving you for her now he might sleep with her if given the chance.

2 questions

1 have you put on the pounds since having the kids?

2 is she thin?

If so there is were your insecurities lie in my mind, just remember he is home with you every night and if you're putting your best effort in to keep it fresh in the sheets the percentage rate of him cheating drops to almost nothing maybe 2%

BTW i looked at your 360 profile and i think you look great 4 kids or not i would be proud to have you on my arm, by my side, on me, under me, you look great i hope he's not a fool and loses you and destroys your lovely family.

Maybe you should have a woman to woman talk with his ex and nicely tell her to back off if she won't talk to you i think you know her intensions are not good.   Hope everything works out for the best you are a beautiful young lady.

Btw did i tell you that you are a beautiful lady?

Answer 5

just talk to him about it.

Answer 6

I don't blame you, I would be a little worried too if my husband was all of a sudden talking to someone "all the time". This would just very out of character for him. The mere fact that he spoke to an ex wouldn't bother me, but the "all the time" part would have me worried. And if after I brought up my concerns he still continued the behavior, this would make me worry even more - not necessarily that he would literally leave me for her, but that a person from his past can so easily push him to disrespect my feelings.  

Answer 7

Talk to him about it and tell him that if he doesn't stop that his whole family life is going to have major problems. Ask him if it's worth it. Put your foot down, be a strong woman and cut it off!!! Don't even stand for it.  

Answer 8

nothing u can do. he wont change..

Answer 9

telll him if he dont stop you will contact one of your exes see how he likes that

Answer 10

You give him 3 choices......

1....stop talking to her

2....when he calls her you get to talk too

3....he needs to decide once and for all what he wants to do and then stick to it....or he leaves.

Answer 11

His correspondence with her is disrespectful to you and your marriage. Firing up an old fling especially at your age is incredibly easy to do. It's midlife crisis time. He is reliving his youth and the fun and passion they had. She didn't accidentally dial his number, she made a conscious effort and search to find it. The first thing i would do is have complete access to his correspondence with her (email, IM, voice mail, texts,etc). Privacy is pure BS when it comes to this. If he isn't doing anything wrong he will have no problem sharing this. The SECOND he starts hiding it or getting mad at your request to see it, there's trouble. You don't KNOW anything for sure about whether he would leave you or whether she would come and visit. Anything is possible and it happens all the time. He may even be very innocent in the beginning and before he knows it be lured into something. Its very tempting. Nip it in the bud. You need to tell him respectfully, flat out how you feel. If he loves you he will understand and discontinue the dialogue. If she pursues it the next time she calls I would confront her on it. (nicely) Just say that you think its very inappropriate for her to be calling your husband, that you're not naive,  and you want it to stop. Follow your gut, a woman's instinct is incredibly powerful. Also a good book to read - Not Just Friends. Good luck.

PS in response to your additional details, dont let the distance fool you. I had an "ex" friend in PA hook up with an "ex" online in Alaska. Her whole purpose was that she was nostalgic and was thinking of him because of issues in her own marriage. Long story short he came down to visit with his very naive wife. They had an affair and although she salvaged her marriage he was unable to salvage his. She was the epitome of a homewrecker on a mission. Either way if he is opening up to another woman it will cause problems even if its just emotional. It is already having a negative impact on your relationship.  

Answer 12

love is based off faith and trust... does he tell you what they talk about? does he hide the conversations? my wife and I are still friends with our ex's.. don't talk all the time, but maybe he feels obligated to talk to her if she calls.. maybe something new, or just catching up... should increase you sexual activity... make him realize why he is married to you.. I know, it is tough and with kids.. it takes a bit more effort, but it may be worth it..  

Answer 13

im so sorry, My ex did the same thing. Even though he isnt having a sexual affair it is an affair of the heart. If you have any way of contacting this woman I think you should. If you do, tell her that it hurts you very deeply that she is contacting him and you are asking her woman to woman to stop. OR you can make him jealous by doing the same thing but I dont think that will help much~ just add more fuel to the fire.

Answer 14

It sounds like you are worried that he might leave you and the kids. I can't blame you because I'd be worried too. I dated a guy and he was talking to his ex-girlfriend. I suspected that he still had feelings for her even though he vehemently denied it. It was true. She would never get back together with him though. I knew that but still it really pixxed me off. When he finally introduced me to her, I liked her but still viewed her as competition. I think you need to talk to your husband about how you feel. My husband has to talk to his ex on a regular basis. I have come to accept it. They have kids together. I don't like it. But I have learned to deal with it. It comes down to trust. Can you and do you trust your husband?

edit: Why is he lying to you? That bothers me big time. He shouldn't have to lie to you. I keep in touch on a sporadic basis with 2 ex-boyfriends. My husband knows about it. One is married and the other is not. I would confront him with that. I think communication is key. He should not have to lie to you.

I'm sure that my husband isn't pleased about my contact with 2 ex-boyfriends but there is nothing to worry about. They are good guys. I love my husband. He's the only one for me. I tell him that a lot. Are you possibly making him want to hide/lie?

I can totally understand. It does seem unlikely he would leave you. I think if you tell him how you feel then maybe he can do what he needs to do to reassure you of his love for you. My husband does that for me.

Answer 15

try and catch him in the act

and when you see that he is

talking to her tell him you are

not comfortable with the fact

that he is talking to an ex.

let him know that you know

he is lying.  

Answer 16

talk to your ex boyfriend.

and let him know.

Answer 17

You said you talked to him, but have you told him how hurt you are with what you think is happening. Giving him threats will not help, it will make him defencive.  

Answer 18

Emotional affairs are worst then physical ones , they can tear people completely apart . If he can't stop living in the past then he has some serious issues. None of his actions or behavior has anything to do with you. Nor is there anything you can really do about it , he is a grown man and has to figure out what his own insecurities are about. His ex probably just strokes his ego.

Answer 19

LOL!!!!

LMAO!!!

Of COURSE he says he wouldn't care if the shoes were reversed because he WANTS to DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO!

What a laugh.  He must think you are one dummy.

Here is my opinion-

Married 9 years.  The marriage produced 4 Angels. hhhhmmmmm, look at that, 9 Years of marriage, 9 years of ups, downs, and many more in-betweens......9 years of holidays, weekends, birthdays, babies first steps, babies first tooth, etc.....ect....4 Beautiful children.....FOUR.....

NOW, some "girlfriend' from over 10 years ago, some NOBODY, in my humble opinion, calls him OUT OF THE BLUE and this clown is acting like he has gone lost his FREAKING MIND.

No, it doesn't work that way.  He is married to YOU.  YOu gave him 9 years.  YOU gave him 4 Beautiful Children.  HE has some d**n nerve and you know what?  SO DOES SHE!

Answer 20

Tell him you don't feel comfortable with him talking to his ex and you won't stand for it. Simple as that.  

Answer 21

You have a 33% chance of making the right choice.

1.  You talk to him and let him know how you feel.  Do it in a way that doesn't make him defensive or make you angry.

2.  You take jealousy to the extreme and leave him over something that is quite possibly nothing.

3.  You deal with it.  

Personally, I would go with option 1.  I can understand your jealousy, but I can't help but feel like there has been something that driving your insecurities.  Open yourself up to him and allow him to do the same.  Give him someone better to talk to.  How do you know that he is lying about talking to her.  If you have undeniable proof that he is lying, then that is a separate issue that needs to be addressed prior to establishing the necessary communication to get through this.

Answer 22

He has no reason to be talking to his ex.  The only reason that ex's should be talking is if they have children together and still share custody somehow.  I'm not married, but my boyfriend once was and it drove me nuts just that his ex wife had to call him because for some reason the Air Force needed HIS social for HER to register.  So if I were in your position, I would be a complete wreck!  Like others have said on here, he has no reason to be talking to her, YOU are his wife and need to take a stand, let him know that you KNOW he is lying to you about her calls.  You should definitely TRY to work things out before jumping into the divorce questioning.  Like you said, she's in Michigan so she's really not a big threat YET.  I'm only 27, but in my opinion most females are EVIL (men could be the same way).  They do not care if someone has a ring on their finger, they do not respect that and will go after them anyway!  It's your husband's job to tell her to go away, but it seems that he isn't.  

You two REALLY need to talk about this and see what can be done.  If he refuses to give her up, then something is wrong.

Answer 23

put a stop to it you are his wife and he shouldn't be talking to an ex.  Ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned.  He should not be talking to her PERIOD!

Answer 24

talk to him.  

Answer 25

She called him, how sad is that?  But, don't fool yourself into thinking "nothing will come of it" either.  He wouldn't be the first middle-aged man in the world to lose his senses and try to regain his youth through some hair brained concoction!  Your concern should be about the lying he does to cover up the fact that he is still talking to her.  Why lie??  If it is so innocent, and you are over reacting, then he has no reason to act guilty.  You could tell him that you understand that its easy to fall into memory lane, but remind him that their time together in in the past, and he needs to live in the present.  If she calls and you answer, tell her that he can't come to the phone right now, and ask to take a message.  Continue to run interference, and maybe she will give up.  If you notice that he gets a new cell phone, or he establishes an email account that he didn't have previously, find out why it is so important to maintain contact with this woman. It is not about whether or not he would or would not care about if you were in contact with your old boyfriend, it is about why is it so important to him to talk to someone from the past when he lives with you?

ADD:  My ex husband didn't speak to or see his ex-girlfriend for 15 years, we split/she and her hubby split-guess who is now married and expecting a child?  My ex carried a torch for this woman over a decade-we had three children together, and now finally has the life he always fantasized about-you need to find out WHY he is so into keeping in touch with her.