What should I do, am I unrealistic?

Question

I've been married a little over 3 months and it's been really hard. We have brought up divorce a few times cause of our differences, which were fine for 4 years but now we are married things are going not so great. I am still hung up on the engagement ring which is no longer due to it breaking and it's extremely low appraisal. He asks so much of his life with me, which means I give him all he wants but when it comes to me wanting the one thing I've been waiting most of my life for he losses it altogether. Keeps saying I want something worth thousands (which I said a thousand is fine) but what he wants doesn't cost much. He basically just wants to live his life and do all his hobbies which don't include me at all. I have spent so much time alone and now I'm completely unhappy. We have talked we have done counseling but I just don't see how his happiness is more important than mine. I suggested yesterday perhaps we use some of the money put aside to redo the bathroom for the ring...He flipped! Am I really unrealistic? Should I just be unhappy and keep my mouth shut and just be obsessive in my head? Am I just wrong? Truly I asked for two things out of our marriage, an engagement ring to cherish (my fairytale) and for us to spend lots of time together and connect. He doesn't want to do the spending lots of time cause he has other things he wants to do, like hobbies (guitar and xbox).

Answer 1

You have two issues here, the ring and time together.  You are not unrealistic to expect that you would spend time together.  This is a proper expectation for a marriage and he is not behaving as a partner by being absorbed in himself and his hobbies.

As for the ring, you have your priorities backwards.  I know that it might have been a "fairytale" for you, but you are now in a real-life marriage that is in trouble.  A ring is the least of your problems.

You two both need to grow up, put each other first, and get some professional help.  There is a great program called retrouvaille, which means "rediscovery".  You need to rediscover why you got married in the first place.  Here is the website:

http://www.retrouvaille.org/

It is a week-end away together working on your marriage and it is really helpful.

Invest in your marriage NOT in a ring.  Good luck.

Answer 2

Heather said it perfectly. What to you need a thousand dollar ring for.

Answer 3

what this really comes down to is that you feel uncherished and have told him what to do to make you feel cherished and he doesn't care.  Pawn all his stuff and go get the new ring you want.  Tell him if he wants his stuff to go get it out of pawn.  Tell him that you and your happiness comes first.  Ought to wake him up.  

Answer 4

A marriage is supposed to be of equals.  If your not treated as an equal and your feelings and needs are not treated as such then what is the point of the marriage.

Answer 5

Don't have children. You are not communicating well at all. You are on two totally different pages. The ring is more important to you than the marriage. At this point I say let it go. if you are that unhappy because you don't have a ring you want then maybe you should break up. I don't have my dream ring but I have my dream husband. I'm happy with that.  

Answer 6

I think you fell into a the "we were dating for so long we should get married" trap when you should have really assessed if this is what you want for your future. I think you are right when you say he is more interested in his xbox (I wish I had a nickel for every time ladies bring up the video games here) and that you should separate.

He has shown he won't change, he has shown you that your feeling don't matter, and while you can get a nice ring without being too cheap he doesn't show any interest in that either... I think that's poor form.

I don't want to seem all money hungry, but a decent ring is in order, or at least one that doesn't BREAK!

Trade it in on something else and trade him in too.

Best Wishes. Make yourself happy. :)