What should I do, boyfriend wants to break up when I want to think about marriage?

Question

So, I'll give a little background info. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we love each other so much. He's 25 and I'm 23. Now, I guess it might just be I'm feeling left out, my younger cousin (whom I'm very close with) got married a few months ago, and now, my best friend, since I was little, is getting married in the fall. I'm her maid of honor so I've been pretty deep in the wedding details and everything with her. I have been so excited for her and now all I think about is a wedding for myself.

I think I scared my boyfriend when I talk about marriage. He told me he's worried because I'm the first girl he's ever loved. I'm not really sure what the problem is and when I ask him, he gets upset. He even mentioned something about separating and "testing the waters" or whatever. I feel like we're stepping back instead of forward. I'm scared now.

Any opinions?

Answer 1

my brother and his girlfriend are going through the same thing she thinks about marriage all the time and talks about it daily. he called me the other week upset b/cause it is driving him crazy. my advise would be to u is that dont pressure anyone into marrying u. even though u all love eachother guys do not wont to feel pressured to do anything trust me i know have been married for 5 years guys like to take there time about everything. if u pressure him into marriage he will hold a resentment toward u for making him do something he's clearly not ready to do. so take ur time and jus relax i know u are anxious b/cause evry one is around u talkin marriage but remeber no to guys are the same there fellows might have been ready. urs may not be.

Answer 2

The first thing you said about marriage wasn't how much you love him it was about feeling "left out", like your cousin went to Disney World and didn't take you.  So think about why you want to get married.

If you want to run him off, keep talking about marriage.  And if you are thinking about trapping him with a baby, all that will do is make him hate you.

By the way,  what university did the two of you attend?  Have you gotten "deep in the details" with your career goals like you have your wedding dreams.  Probably not.

Answer 3

"I want to make a commitment to you so we can spend the rest of our lives together" is a reason to get married. "Hey!! I want to have a big party and wear a pretty dress so people will give me presents too, " is not.

That kind of commitment is scary. You make it scarier by suggesting that getting married would not be about him particularly, but just about you feeling like you'd like to get married and he's just the most logical candidate.

Answer 4

Sounds like you had all the benefits of marriage and it was working for 4 yrs. Why go change it now?

Is wanting to dress up and go through the flower gate important enough to end your relationship?

Back off and wait until your mate decides to make it permanent. Go for things that require a marriage, like buying a house, joint bank accounts, insurance coverages, etc.   These are the things that will bring a man around.

Answer 5

You want marriage because you feel left out, not because you truly love him and want a life with him. I suggest you re-evaluate your priorities and think about what BOTH of you want, not just what you want.

Answer 6

You need to back off because your pushing him away!  Everything was going good and now you scared him,  then again it sounds like he doesn't want to really commit to you because why even bring up "testing the waters!" in the first place!  Just don't act like you don't know what that means either because if he decides to you had your warning just then!  

Answer 7

Let him know you eventually want to marry a man, but don't press him for an answer now.  Let that settle with him for a while.  Hopefully he thinks about it and in the near future brings up the topic for discussion with you.  If he doesn't then remind him you want to have a family someday with a man, and give it a bit more time.  If he doesn't talk about it after that, then set a date with him to discuss.  If he understands it is important to you to talk about then it s/b important to him because it is important to you.

I rambled on a bit, but I hope this is helpful.