What should I do (Girlfriends Sexual Past)?

Question

Ok I've been going out with this girl, my first girlfriend for 16 months now. (Started as senior in highschool) I was a virgin, hadn't really hooked up with anyone but she had already had s*x with three different people, given head to 5 new/different people, and "hooked up" with xx number of people that I don't even know. I honestly do love her but whenever I think about it I just get angry at the situation and feel like breaking up with her. I don't think I can go the rest of my life wishing she was a virgin like me.... However, we have been getting serious and plan to go to the same college. In summary i love this girl, she is my first love and I know if i broke up with her she would always be in my heart..... I just can't realistically picture myself happy with her for the rest of my life because Ill be wishing she was somebody she wasn't..... Life is tough huh?

Answer 1

ok

' PAST '  is what you said and thats what it is just past.It may worry you or anger you but focus on the present not what happened before you both got together.

Answer 2

Forget about the past man.  SHe loves you thats all that matters. I had a girlfriend that had quite of few others before me and I didn't really care. Its called life nothings perfect.

Answer 3

ok i have a lenghty past and what i love about my bf is that ive told him about it and he doesnt care because it was all in the PAST . Leave it there and move on . BE lucky she was honest with you , its not her fault that u waited and she didnt just except her for who she is maybe your not ready for a relationship they take a lot of work and understanding and its all about compromise. so learn to deal with it. Its been 16 months that you have known about this . So either let it go or dont lead this girl on anymore its a waste of both ur time

Answer 4

She can't change the past, it's made her who she is now - who you were first attracted to. So concentrate on your future!!  

Answer 5

Well I don't wanna diss your girlfriend but it sounds to me like you could do better than to be with her. But it depends on a huge number of different factors. Like, if she knows you're a virgin, then it depends on how she acts about it: if she acts mature and kind about it, stay with her for a while longer. But if she makes jokes about it or smirks, then you should probably leave. If you haven't told her already, you should -- just to save yourself the embarrassment later, and to see how true her love really is.

Another thing to take into account when considering whether you want to stay with her is this: How happy is she about her past sexual experiences? It's normal to have fond memories of things that felt nice, but if her face lights up when she mentions s*x with other guys, get the f**k out of there.

Certainly, respect must be earnt -- and I would be very wary of respecting a girl who hasn't had enough of her own self-respect to conduct herself in a way befitting a modern, educated member of the supposedly-noble human race.

So if I was you I'd probably leave her.....

But at the same time it is also not good to judge anyone too harshly.....

In the end you can only do what's right for you.

But personally...

...I think both s*x AND romantic/couple-based love are horribly overrated. There's way too much of it in the World. It is sooo last century. Seriously! Whatever happened to having sages? You know, like Buddha or Jesus or the era in ancient China when all those different schools of thought appeared? Why's everything gotta be about instantly-gratifying feelings? "Depth" and "passion" are whored-out buzzwords -- and these days "love" is too.

But if your love for her and her love for you is real, and based on wanting whatever's best for each other, then stick with her. However, you owe it to yourself to have enough self-respect not to give it to her until you're married because the last thing you want to do is give her the impression that she's able to get it easily! It doesn't matter whether you're religious or not, marriage is all about getting a person to agree to a contract of mutual respect! So if you do decide to stay with her then tell her she ain't getting any unless she marries you! :p

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

Answer 6

Let me ask you a question.

If you break up with her and find someone else, what are you going to do about their past? The older you get the more history you've got so I don't see how getting hung up about your partners past is going to help or be resolved in any way.  

Answer 7

If you can't accept her sexual past, I'm afraid you're always going to look at her in an accusatory manner. I personally don't think it's a big deal. But that's just me. Obviously, it is a big deal to you. You have to decide how big a deal it actually is. From what you said, it sounds like it may be a deal breaker. And she can't change her past, so the decision is really more up to you than anything.

Answer 8

The PAST is just that. You can't change it,she can't change it. You just have to leave it where it belongs in the PAST.

You have been together for a long time now, there must be more to your relationship than just s*x. Try to concentrate on the positive things you have together. Talk about it with her.

If you move on you will be the one with sexual experience, will you be vetting each girl to ensure she has not got more experience than you?

If you decide to break up you will probably find it hard to find someone you enjoy good s*x with because that only comes with experience.

Be sure that the problem is just her history and that you are not using it as an excuse to get out of a relationship thats run its course.

Answer 9

wow, so it would be ok if she was the virgin and you had the experience right?  

Just cos she's ahead(!) doesn't mean s**t.  

Just enjoy the fact she's not completely inhibited (this happens with more girls than you'd expect) and learn together, as a couple of previous is not that much,

you do realise there's stories of 16 year old having slept with 20+ guys (thats cheap!)