What should I do? I'm a mom of 4 who wants a divorce...??

Question

I have been with a persian guy for 8 years, I'm american, we have 3 kids together and I have one from before, we have been married for @ 6years. I want to divorce him, he's very emotionally abusive, he's very controlling, and doesn't treat my oldest son very well. I have never been allowed to work, or have friends, even help out at the school. I can't live like this anymore.... It's making me crazy! He says that if I divorce him, he will file bankruptcy and I will get nothing and he will take the kids, (he has never even watched them for me by himself) the kids are ages 11-2 and I'm completely stuck about what to do. I have virtually no family, and no friends that can help me. Do I suck it up so my kids live a comfortable life or do I leave and take a chance at them growing up somewhere not so nice, and having a mom who just works all the time. I really don't know what to do.

By emotional abuse I mean he calls me a w***e, and ***** constantly, tells me I'm fat, (I'm so NOT fat! Nobody even thinks I have kids much less 4) - there is some effed up s*x stuff too. There really is no reason for me to stay except my kids - I don't want to mess up their lives.

HELP!!????

Answer 1

Leave before you end up on Snapped and then who will your kids have?  

Answer 2

if u leave him he will have to pay child support,and maybe even alimony, no one deserves this kind of treatment, it may be hard at first, but u will be surprised how strong u really are. there are programs in the community that can and will be there to help u out.

Answer 3

Please leave find an abuse shelter and let them help you get back on your feet.

Answer 4

Do you really want your children seeing your marriage as a role model on how relationships should be?

You need to think about how hearing their father talk to you like this and then seeing you stay to take more is affecting them.

Get out file for divorce, custody and child support. For your sake and your children's get away from this abusive man. All of you deserve much better.

Answer 5

This link helped me out a LOT read the articles they are based on the bible ; o ) and think everything out well, for your and your family's well being. Hope the link will help, trust me!

http://www.watchtower.org/e/20030915/art...

Answer 6

Ok find a battered womans shelter and go there.  You can take the children with you.

Unless he's in a lot of debt, and i mean extreme debt, his threat to file bankruptcy is bogus.  Take everything the two of you own, add what you think it would sell for and if it's greater then his debts you would still get half of whatever is left over.  I am guessing he's not in a lot of debt if he is concerned about losing stuff, so basically you can laugh that threat off.  I am assuming your living in the U.S. (if not ouch, i dunno what to say), he will be ordered to pay child support, and actually you could probably get some alimony from him too.  Heck it's even possible given your circumstances that the judge may order him out of the house, leaving it to you.

And trust me, the kids don't like seeing this, they would probably be better off without him around.

Answer 7

Call the United Way for assitance. They can offer you a plan to get out safely so you and your kids do not suffer.  

Answer 8

So when he is sleeping Snatch his cash take the kids and head out the door . Make sure you have enough money to get an apartment . Go to welfare and sign up . Get a job or training and get your life back on track. Its the american way remember .

Answer 9

Well, first of all, let him file bankrupsy, it won't exempt him from paying you support so let him keep thinking that. The right lawyer will make him part everything equal with you and he cann't prevent that from happening because you have the kids. If he tries to take the kids from you, let them talk to the judge in privacy in the judges chambers, once they tell how abusive he is, he stands no chance of winnning them what so ever. I suggest getting out of this now and going to a womens shelter for the time being, as well they can accompany you in your decision to seek legal aid to unload this loser. You don't deserrve this and your children sure don't either, run lady, run, but run with your babies in tow. Call shelters when he's nowhere around and leave while he's at work. Good luck.

Answer 10

To stay for the kids would be a grave injustice to them, as well as yourself.  You need to get out of that situation as soon as possible.  Find an agency in your area who can assist you and your children.  And please don't worry, he will never legally get your children.  All the best.   Please don't wait.

Answer 11

leave now and go to a shelter fot battered women

Answer 12

my mom got a divorce and at first it sucked but in the long run it was better because there was no more fighting,yelling, swearing etc i would say you should leave but I'm only 14 lol so you might not want my advice if you do get a divorce just remember to always show your love to your kids also if your husband is mean to your oldest I'm sure your oldest will be happy about the divorce and set a good example for the younger ones i don't know what to tell you about him getting the kids but your oldest could always testify with you about how this guy is abusive no judge would give him custody good luck

Answer 13

I agree, by staying you are messing them up.  They should not grow up believing this is what a marriage is.  I suggest you talk to a lawyer pronto.  O am really not sure if him filing for bankruptcy will have an effect.  Given that he said it, it could be used against him in court.  Talk to a lawyer and keep you and you children safe.

Here are a few sites that may help you:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domesti...

http://www.ndvh.org/

Answer 14

I'm as pro marriage as you  can get but in cases like this you need a divorce and a chance at a better life for you and your children.  My advice is to talk to a lawyer so you get an idea of what will transpire, all the ends and outs of what could happen.  I will say in most cases the mother always gets the children unless abuse or drugs are involved which you are not.  So don't let him bully you into thinking he is going to clean house with you because he will get the short end of the stick.  My 1st wife cheated on me, filed for divorce and got the house, the better car and so much child support that I had to move back with my parents for a year, plus I got stuck with most of the debt that she created.  The key is to get good legal counsel that will fight for you and you will be fine.  My prayers are with you.

Answer 15

Listen. If you stay with this guy, you are raising your kids in an environment where they think it is ok for someone to treat someone else like that because you aren't standing up and doing something about it. Leave this all behind, it will all work out just fine. My mom use to work all the time when I was 11 and I was helping her take care of my brother. In the end, it made us stronger as a family. You will be fine, take a chance for the better and move on. For your kids as well as yourself.

Answer 16

By you leaving this guy, you are thinking about whats best for your children. It's going to be hard at first, but with time and effort you can go on with your life and be a productive mother. My wife left me years ago for my best friend. I was shocked and never knew the reasons why she left except for the main one that I knew. I don't really blame her for leaving, it's just the way that she did it. I had no closure from her in the matter as to what I was doing wrong in our relationship. It's hard for any person in a marriage to leave their partner wether it's a man or a woman. In any event, you have to do what's right for your children and if that's leaving him to stop them from seeing how he treats you, then do it. You don't want your children growing up treating their wives or husbands the same way he treats you and thats what most children take into their marriages is what they learn from their parents. I know, because thats what exactally what I did. After years of soul searching and finding out what kind of person, man and husband I wanted to be, I finally married after 12 years. Of those 12 yrs, I didn't date for almost 8 yrs because I could see other women looking for someone other than love, they just wanted help raising their kids, payments on things and so on. From the sounds of it, it looks like their is no need to try talking to him. He sounds like a prick on a mission and thats to control everything in his life. People from over seas have a totally different outlook on women and how they treat them. They are basically no better than a dog and not much more than that. Find a womans shelter to help you or start calling churches to see if they can help you. Do whats best for you and your children and leave the state if at all possible. As for the material stuff like the house and car, forget about it, you'll get it back in time. The main thing is to get out before something serious happens.