What should I do? I am in a complicated situation and dont want to hurt anyone.

Question

I am in a bit complicated situation.I am still married but heading for divorce.I would divorce an years ago but the problem was i had to go back to my country together with the husband cos we live in a different country.For some reason i couldn't go back for a few years. So now I'm going back for a month and intend to divorce.The first problem is he doesn't want to divorce.We bought house together and and have many more possessions together. I don't want to leave the house so he doesn't want.He doesn't have where to go as well.And i feel sorry for him cos all that time i was helping him to cope with everything. It is not easy to live somewhere with no family and friends around to help.

He is not a bad person but I don't love him anymore and would like to divorce.In the other hand i met a guy a few months ago.We went out a few times but we keep it like a friends for now cos as i can understand he doesnt want to go deeper before me to divorce.In a few occasions he ask what i would say if he ask me to get married and have kids.Every time when we meet he ask whats happened with my divorce and when i will get it.Now i feel so much under pressure because of his questions.I don't know first of all will it work out with him.He keep asking to see me ,but we kind of meet once or twice per month( we live in a different towns) ,just go out for dinner or cinema and talk.I dont know should I stop seeing him untill i get a divorce or should i keep seeing him to see if its going to work out. Plus what i should tell him next time when he asked me about my divorce?Please give some advice .Thanx

Answer 1

Think about what you want if it's all too much walk away and sort you out ? As for the both of you not wanting to leave the house ..doesn't divorce as hard as it is make you pack up the past,change things and you move on,  these guys are both adults too and are responsible for themselves. It is good to be thoughtful of others but if it is consuming you that's not good for you.You can always be there for people but not physically there all the time.

takecare, hope it all works out for you.

Answer 2

next time you see your friend be honest with him and tell him exactly what you have said here. tell him that you are intending to divorce but until this has happened you are not prepared to take your friendship any further until you have started divorce proceedings at least, because i think you still care about your husband very much especially as you have not left him or asked him to leave, if you honestly did not care you would have gotten out. i think maybe seeing a marrage guidance councilor would help just to make sure this is what you really want. if he does not agree to with you, go by your self to see if you can answer some of your own questions. but i would strongly advise not to take this other relationship any further until you know what you really want your self, if your friend starts to get pushy and you start to feel pressurised tell him you want to put your friendship on hold until you have sorted your own life and feelings out, and if he can not respect that then tell him he cant be much of a friend and is not worth knowing. Just give your self some time and space to remember who you are and get to know your own self  before you dive into another relastionship you may not really want.

Answer 3

Ok, your not happy with your husband, can it be fixed? if not then divorce him, in the end it'll be better for him if you do.

As for the other guy...sweet heart, really you've kind of lined it up so as soon as you get out of one pan your jumping into another, I think you should take a breather an get your head on straight.

Do you know what will make you happy? If not then you really don't need to be getting with this other guy till you figure it out.

As for what to tell him next time he asks, tell him the truth, how you feel about your husband and whats slowing up the whole divorce thing. If nothing else you can take some satisfaction you let it out, how you really feel.