What should I do? I feel lost and confused?

Question

I can't stand being home. I never really felt like I belonged. I never felt like I can talk to my parents about important things like school, my future etc.

During the most important year of my life which was my senior year in high school, I did not get the support that I desired from my parents. In fact, it was during that year that I ignored the most. The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I had a part-time after school job so I didn't have to be home a whole lot.

The tension being me and my parents died down over the years, the second and third year I was in college because it was when they realized that they were pushing away.

However, I now find myself in the same position that I was years ago. They are now ignoring me and I am about to be a senior in college. This time I am stronger emotionally so I don't feel the need for their support and believe me when I say this, I don't plan on inviting them to my graduation because they were never really there for me.

My question here is that, I want to leave home after I do a post-graduate certificate in e-commerce. I was never an advocate for renting as I think that it is a waste of money. However, at this point I am really considering it. I can't take being home any longer.

I am currently in NJ but I have always wanted to move to San Jose, California. I know that it will be a hard life in the first couple of years. This is something that I will prepare myself for.

Am I making the right decision?

Answer 1

Don't look now, but you're a grown woman.  It's sad that you aren't that close to your parents but you've been living at home far longer than a lot of people your age and it sounds like you've been living there rent-free.  (BTW, rent is hardly a waste of money, any more than food or other bills that everybody has to pay to get by.)  

You make it sound like you're the first person who ever had to leave the nest and strike out on your own and it's the most unfair thing in the world.  Exactly why did you go to college, if not to prepare yourself for making your own way in the world?  So you could live in your bedroom in NJ while Mom and Dad foot the bills?

Listen, I'm sorry about your poor relationship with your parents, but this shouldn't even be a question.  Of course you need to move out, and the sooner, the better.  You don't realize how lucky you are to even have that decision to make.

It's time to be an adult.  I wish you all the luck in the world.  You're going to need it because you sound woefully unprepared.  That is partly your parents' fault because part of parenting is preparing your kids to be on their own, but it's your fault as well because you've let yourself be carried for so long without any kind of planning for your future.  The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be for you.

Growing up is supposed to be a journey, not a terrifying nightmare.  I'm sure once you've started your new life, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.  And I wouldn't be surprised if your relationship with your parents improved once you've moved out.  At least it won't be such a problem anymore.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

it's working.....they have carried you this far.....and you are learning to stand on your own feet. good job to all of you