What should I do? My daughter's father is looking for her but I haven't wanted him around since she was born!?

Question

My daughters father was abusive the whole time I was pregnant and then when my daughter was 2wks old she was crying and he told her he would give her a reason to cry by flicking her hands and feet. Needless to say I left that week and I haven't been in contact w/ him since. I never wanted him to be any where near her because of who he was. But he hasn't stopped looking and asking other people about us and I don't know if he has changed or not. She is 3 now and asking who her daddy is. My fiance has stepped up to play that role but he doesnt want her calling him dad until we are married. Recently her real father has been talking to some of our close friends about me and my daughter. Should I just keep ignoring him or should I actually give him a chance to be her dad? I've already decided that if he does get to see her it will only be supervised visits.

I don't get child support and he isn't on the birth certificate.

Answer 1

It sounds like you have already moved on and done everything to protect yourself and daughter from her biological father.

I would not have them meet, you can relay a message to a mutual friend that he should stay away for his daughter's best interest

Good luck.

Answer 2

I would say there is a good chance you had doubts about him, before she was even born.  If he's not on the birth certificate and you don't get child support, he doesn't have a whole lot of rights because she is now 3 years old and he hasn't been a part of her life.  

How long has the fiancee been around?  If he has been taking care of her for awhile (not sure how long, you'd have to check w/ a lawyer), he may be the one responsible for her and you could probably cut the other guy out completely.

I know this couple who had a child.  The were together for a couple of years, broke it off, she took him to court for child support.  It turned out he wasn't the real father, but since he was taking care of her financially that long, somehow that shows he is a legally responsible.

I personally would work on making the fiancee a legal guardian (if you have no reservations of that whatsoever), and leave the other guy alone.  Follow your gut instict, it's probably the right thing to do.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to take it to court because he can take it to court to get child visitations! and you should of gotten a restraning order against him when it happened...I would do what it takes to protect my daughter!

Answer 4

See a lawyer now. This is a long shot but you need to find out if you have the right to let your fiancee adopt her without getting permission from her bio dad since there is no record of him being the father. If you can it will be the best way to keep the abuser away from her. I don't think it will be possible but you should try. You will probably have to go to court and have his rights terminated and that won't be easy.

Were there any witnesses to his threatening her? I have a feeling you are going to be forced to allow visitation so your best bet is to be proactive and see an attorney before he finds you.  

Answer 5

Good For You,  You were BRAVE to get out of that situation!  I'm Proud Of YOU!    I'd consult a lawyer, JUST IN CASE!!!  to Protect yourself & your daughter & your fiance.........   that would be your best bet!

GOOD LUCK!  & GOD BLESS YOU ALL!  

Answer 6

I know this type of people. Try and maintain as much distance as you can between your daughter and her birth dad. Kids growing up in abusive relationships tend to get into such relationships themselves when they grow up. Protect her with all your might.

Answer 7

Then legally he'd have to prove that he was the child's father aka (Sperm Donor)...

And I don't hink legally hea has a leg to stand on, and if he was like that right after she was born, I'd never let him see her.. FOr the simple fact  most generally people don't change, they pretend  to change.. sadly enuff she'd be better off with out him in your life. and why after 3 years does he finally want something to do with her??

Just tell him its not his, that you were seeing someone at the same time you were together how would he know the difference.. you've gotta  protect your lil one that should always be first on top best of luck

Answer 8

ignore him. normally i would say that a child needs to know  her father, but not if he is abusive. if you want, learn about his life now without him knowing. is he married? kids? how does he treat them? does he work? go to church/temple? he F-ed up and i would be d**n sure he is no longer abusive before i would let a defenseless 3 yr old near him, even supervised. supervised by whom? YOU? do you have the physical capability to overpower him if he decides to take off with her?? OMG, dont do this. keep away . FAR away