What should I do? Please only helpful advice.?

Question

I have a 14 month old son. Our neighbor has an almost 2 year old. They won't make him stop taking my son's toys RIGHT out of his hands. I don't want to correct their child. But my son is starting to back away from his stuff now when he sees this child coming. They will say 'give it back to the baby' and repeat themselves about 10 times and finally get it back to my son. But I'm not sure what I can do.

I don't feel it is my son's place nor mine to MAKE this child stop. But I don't know what to do. We are working now on teaching our son to say 'NO' when someone tries to just snatch a toy from him. But I just HATE this. I don't know how to be polite about it.

Grandma lives near by and has voiced that kids just need to 'hash' it out themselves. And if they were 4-5 years old I would say let them speak up for themselves a bit more. But dang it my son is barely a year old! He shouldn't HAVE to speak up.GRR any advice on how to handle this nicely without making this into a huge war?

Answer 1

go to the other childs parents and talk to them nicely about it.

Answer 2

correct their child. your child is going to pick up the same habits.

if the parents have a problem with you correcting their child then i suggest you tell them to start correcting him or never to have any contact with you or child again.

some parents just dont a give a c**p, some parents are too scared. me...i will correct any child i see doing something wrong.  i am not doing it to be mean but, someone has to let them know that we are watching. i see alot of parents out there who let everything slide by. it drive me insane. if i see a little kid take something from my son, i give my son a sec to redeem his stuff..if not then i tell them to please give it back to my son. vise versa. i guess i am not one to take c**p from anyone anymore..man parenting really changed me....

i would hope someone were to yell at my son for doing something wrong. I dont know why but, sometimes he listens better to others rather than me. so..idk. good luck.

Answer 3

Your son sounds absolutely adorable.  He is also young and can't really defend himself from a 2 year old.  This is normal behavior for a 2 year old, yet not acceptable.  I would have no problems telling the tot "do not take toys like that, it is not nice, please give it back."  I have no problem telling other parent's kids what to do, especially if they don't step in when their child does bad.  Once my child was playing with a very active boy in a mall play area and the boy starting hitting my child in the face and chest for no reason except that he was so wild.  I had no problem running up to this child and yelling "HEY, you do not hit her, go back to your mom and SIT DOWN".  The mom did come over with him to apologize, but I was tending to my bleeding and screaming child that I completely ignored her.  They left the play area.  I know this is a different circumstance than your child's toy being snatched, but it could and can get worse.  You need to stick up for your kid.  He's only 14 months!  It IS your place to make it stop, especially when the mother isn't doing anything.

Answer 4

Don't play with that kid anymore!  Your son is too young to be expected to defend himself.

Barring that, the next time it happens I would gently take the toy back from the snatcher and say, "Oh, sorry, Johnny, but I don't think Sam was done playing with that!" and give it back to your kid.  You could follow-up with something like "In this house, we always take turns."

I use that line a lot:  "In this house..." or "In this family...".  They can't argue, because it's your house and your rule.

If the parents say anything about how you're mistreating their precious little angel, just say, "Well, we're working on teaching Sam to take turns."  Then you look good because you weren't scolding their kid, right?  You were trying to teach YOUR kid something, right?  Riiiiggghhtttt......

Oh, and always say "take turns" instead of "share"...kids at this age hate the idea of sharing but taking turns is OK with them.

Good luck!  Sounds like you've got a real cherub for a neighbor there!  :-)

Answer 5

I would just avoid the whole situation, its nice that he has someone to play with, but thats not the kind of influence your son needs. Ya know? And its just not fair to him.

After a while I would correct their kid, I mean if they see you trying to stop him, maybe they will realize that they need to do something about it.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Don't play with the 2 year old. As a parent you have a right to decide who your child has as friends and if you don't like how a family raises their kids then don't hang out with them. Who cares if it hurts someones feelings - your kid needs to hang out with families and friends with the same values as yours.

Answer 7

Don't take it personally. I used to feel like you until my daughter started to do the same kid of thing once in a while. I think its developmental. 2 y.o. don't have the mental capacity to understand sharing, so I don't think you can "make" them learn. All kids do this kind of thing for at least a little while. Its natural.

Likewise, your child is too young to "defend" himself. He will later. Six months or a year will level the playing field some.My daughter regularly takes her toys and holds on tight when a bigger kid comes around now. She's 2.5.

I used to feel weird about talking to other people's kids, but I don't so much now. Its o.k. to correct another child who is confronting yours at that age. Just do it gently and without judgment. "Johnny is playing with this toy now, let's see if we can find another one for you."  Distraction. The 2 y.o. is just learning too.

Teaching your child to say no, is o.k. but think about how you will undo it when you want him to share later.

You can't really leave kids alone to play at this age. I found it was best to find other kids closer to my daughter's age, or temperament to play with--it requires less mediation.

Answer 8

Look at this as an opportunity.  Your child is never too young to learn how to deal with children like this, but your child does need help.  You, as the adult, have the right and the responsibility to help your child pick the right words.

Child takes your son's toy.  You say, "Son, it looks like child just took your toy.  Is that okay with you?"

Your son cries.

You say, "Son, you're crying.  Is that because child just took your toy from you?  It looks like you want it back.  Do you want it back?"

Get your son to say "yes" or "no" to some question you are asking.

Then, "Child, you took that toy out of my son's hand while he was playing with it, but he wants it back.  Can you give it back yourself, or would you like me to take it from you?"

Give the offending child a choice.  Don't judge or shame the offending child.  As appalling as his behavior seems, it is actually totally normal behavior for a 2-year-old.  He needs your help, too, just like your son, and just like that other child's parent.  

You could, of course, end all contact between your son and the other child, or you could start a war.  But neither of those is really an answer.  Your son will have to deal with kids like this his whole life (and so will you!).  Better to start practicing now how to help your son say what he needs to say.

Answer 9

Okay, you have to remember that an "almost 2 year old" is not a bully, but is also a little kid who is learning social skills. When your little guy is the same age, you'll understand that better, and it is certainly understandable that you'd be frustrated. It's going to be a long time before either of them can play well together unsupervised, so someone should play with them, and make sure that there are two of everything.

Little kids want to play with things that are new and different, so it's normal that the other little boy would want to play with your son's toys. Maybe you can put your son's favorite toys away and have some "sharing" toys out when he's playing with someone else. There should be multiple items that are exactly the same.

I don't think letting a 14 month old pre-verbal kid "hash it out" is appropriate, but I think also that you are getting really emotionally worked up about normal little kid behavior.

If you have some early childhood classes offered in your school district, consider signing up for one of them. You'll learn a lot and it's a lot of fun, too. You'll be around of lot of other kids so you can get a little bit more perspective on the range of normal behavior with kids playing together.

I would definitely supervise, but with the approach of *teaching* them, rather than trying to discipline someone else's kid for being "bad".