What should I do? Should I have two weddings?

Question

My fiance lived in Texas before moving to Ohio to be closer to me. He is a youth pastor and it is important to him to get married in Texas with his old pastor, and having his family there. I do not mind. However, it is important to my parents to have the wedding in Ohio so their family can attend. WHAT DO I DO? Do I have two wedding? How do a make them equally important?

Answer 1

Both my brother and I have a similar problem.  The way I am dealing with it is by having one wedding and two receptions.  My close family will be at the actual wedding, and the reception on the East Coast, and then we will have a second reception for everyone else who couldn't make it in CA.  My brother, on the other hand, is having two weddings.  He is having a SMALL wedding (like 30 people) on the east coast, and then a second, much bigger wedding in CA.  It all depends on how important it is to you to have EVERYONE be witness to the actual ceremony.  Personally, I think having two ceremonies is a little overkill.

Answer 2

You can't have two weddings.

Traditionally, the couple was married where the bride grew up (mainly because it was the bride's parents paying for the wedding.)  I don't know who is paying for yours....but whomever is....they (your parents?) should have some say.

Why not get married in Ohio and then have a second reception in Texas?  Perhaps your fiance's old pastor would be willing to come to Ohio for the wedding?  You never know.  

This is something only you and your fiance can decide.  You can't have two weddings.  As a pastor, he would know this.  You need to have 1 wedding in 1 location, and then have another reception celebration in the second location.  Many people do that!  I did that 30 years ago when my husband and I were married.  It is very common to have a second reception, but not a second wedding.  You could, however, show a video of your wedding if you wanted at the second reception.

Good luck with your decision.

Answer 3

Well do you have a preference to where you want the wedding?  If not, then go to Texas and invite your family.  I am sure they would fly out to come see if your fiance has a preference and has a pastor that he wants to get married by.  If yes, then have 2 weddings, but maybe just have 2 small weddings, instead of 1 big wedding.  Famliy is important, maybe ask their opinion too.

-C

Answer 4

Have the marriage ceremony in Texas and then have the reception later on in Ohio.

Answer 5

What if you have the wedding in one place, with maybe a simple dinner afterwards...then have the formal reception a few days later at the other place?  My friend did that, and it turned out really nice.  She got married with just one other couple to witness it in Jamaica, then she held a big reception for her friends and family back home.  Since she got married on the beach, she had a beach theme for the reception and it felt like we were a part of it, not just attending a party.  

Answer 6

I think 2 weddings is ok to do as long as they are just small and lowkey so you don't bust the bank. If you want a big reception, pick one location.

Or could you renew your vows in Texas?

Answer 7

Well, I do not know what the etiquette of your church is, but here, the bride chooses the church, venue, city,  and state, country, route the limo takes to the church, and every detail of the wedding right down to the decoration on her garter.

And if her parents are paying for the wedding, they choose. If the brides family  wishes to negotiate with the parents of the groom, they can. But they do not have to, it is their social right to have the wedding wherever they want. And the grooms family would be invited to Ohio for the wedding.

Now if the two of you are doing the paying, different situation. But it is still your game as far as I am concerned.

Tell me why the groom's family can't go to Ohio for the wedding. They are not being asked to go to Russia, just Ohio. If he wants his pastor, bring the pastor to Ohio. Why would he want his old pastor? He is in Ohio with you, right?

You can have two weddings, but do you want to be totally alone at "his" wedding? And sweety, if you have 2 weddings, you better make them exactly equal, to the last, again, decoration on your garter, or your life will not be worth living, the set of parents you thinks they got the short end, will make you pay, and pay, and pay...

I'll pray for you, but you are going to have to put your foot down, and come to a decision. If his family wants to pay for a second wedding, you could consider it, but the bride and her family gets the first wedding.

And by the way, as far as I know, you are married once, not twice in 2 different states. If you have a second ceremony, it is for a renewal of the vows.

Answer 8

see if your fiance's pastor can come to ohio to perform your ceremony.

at our wedding, we married in a local church but had my husband's family's friend who is a priest in new jersey say our mass. we paid for his travel expenses...all he had to do was contact the local diocese to get permission to marry us (since he is part of another diocese). it was fairly easy!

Answer 9

First, I would consider who is paying for the wedding.  If it is your parents, you should honor their wishes.  If it is his family, then do as they wish.  If it is both families, or a combination of everyone, then you have to reach a compromise.  You cannot have to weddings and have them equally important.  The first wedding will be the one that actually marries you.  You could, however, have a wedding in one place, then have a huge reception in the other, showing a video of the wedding. Traditionally, the wedding is held in the bride's hometown.  Could you have the wedding at his current church and have his old pastor come and perform the ceremony?  Or, if he isn't able to perform a ceremony in another state (I don't know how that works) he could bless the marriage, or perform part of the ceremony.  His family could travel to the wedding.  You could have a reception in Ohio, then, you could all go back to Texas for another reception at his old church.  You could show a video of the wedding at the reception.  Honestly, I don't see how people plan a wedding when they are not living in the area.  For you to plan a wedding in Texas while living in Ohio is going to be really difficult.  See if you can get him to compromise with you.

Answer 10

Don't have two weddings. Have a wedding one place and a reception, and then just a reception at the other place.

Or get married somewhere in the middle like Tennessee or something so hopefully most people could travel there to attend.  

Answer 11

Have a small wedding in TX and fly your close family and friends to TX for the celebration.

I say small assuming money is no object then have a grand bash.

Answer 12

You can't have two weddings, only the first one is a wedding. You can have two receptions, or you can have the wedding one place and the reception another. But think how your family would feel if they didn't get to go to your wedding, but you had a pretend wedding for them. Or how much would it actually involve your fiance's former pastor if he could hold  mock wedding for you two?

To make them equally important is difficult. I would recommend not having a reception after the wedding, as then at least each would be unique. I would recommend finding a different way to do it, because "oh, well you can come to the reception but not the wedding" doesn't really convey that you want to honour them by having them at your wedding.