What should I do? Should I sell my horse?

Question

I'm, confused, annoyed and angry about the situation with my horse...

I got her in November, and since the first week I had her, I've always had this feeling shes just not right for me...

She has always been very cheeky, but I thought at first she was just testing me, and it would stop eventually. It didn't. I started being more strict with her but she's always cheeky and she always plays up when I'm riding her. She can be a good jumper when SHE want to, which is very rarely, normally she refuses all the time, or is really lazy.

I know for a fact she's not sick or anything, so if your going to start going on about that, don't bother reading any further.

This isn't the first time I've considered selling her, but this time I'm actually serious- before, I usually told myself it was just a bad day, or made myself believe it was down to the wet field or something like that...

I'm starting to get fed up with it now, always being the one at competitions who gets put out cause of refusals, getting thrown off when she stops suddenly in front of jumps- its just really starting to get to me.

Should I just give up on her, and try to find a more suitable horse...?

I'm a pretty determined person, I don't like giving up, but my aunt, who has had horses all her life, says that sometimes you just have to admit that the horse isnt right for you, and in my case, I cant help agreeing...

can anyone give me some much needed advice?

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

I would say try a trainer before you give up then if you still decide to sell her at least you will feel you tried everything. Do find her a good home though if you sell.

Answer 3

You dont say how experienced you are as a rider or what type of horse it is. You have only had it for under a year, it can take a good couple of years to build trust between horse and rider. You also have to think about the horse in this, it needs someone that can bring the best out of it and unfortunately that doesnt sound like you.

I would sell it on and then think about getting something that is not so crazy!

Good luck

Answer 4

i had the exact same problem with my old horse (rip guiness)

-he hated other horses

-threw me and knocked me uncousious

-kicked

-hard mouth

-always lame

-horrible feet

just to name a few things

i finally had to put him down after a year of trying to sell him.  no one would take him due to his lameness and hard mouth.  i know how you feel.  i tried so many times to sell him.  it just wasnt meant to be.  there were times when i was so afraid of him that i finally gave up and dropped the reins and ran to the other side of the arena and just started sobbing.  i miss him alot and constantly wonder if i did the right thing by putting him down.  i would suggest trying to sell her as soon as you can before you get so fed up with her that u do what i did.  sorry it didnt work out with her

Answer 5

In order to be successful you have to trust and be bonded to your horse.

I have a barrel horse who I will never ever sell.  She has "earned her keep" no matter what happens - injury, sickness, or just old age.  We have just meshed together.

On the other hand, a few years ago I had the opportunity to buy a fabulous hunter under saddle horse.  I had ridden him for years as a training horse - so I thought I was in good shape.  We never bonded at all for the 4 years I owned him.  We just kept on regressing.  Finally, last year I gave in and sold him (very hard to admit defeat), but now he's a pony club horse and is loved by his owner and they are doing great.

After that, I bought my horse's 3 year old half brother and we got along great.  Not one personality issue between us and still had the same great talent.  So, selling my original horse was the best thing...for both my horse and for me.

Horses have to do what comes naturally to them and they enjoy.  They also need a rider that gets along with them.  We can do fine for a while just getting on horses here and there - but to keep a horse and be very successful in the show ring we must be bonded.

If things aren't going well and you've tried the trainer route, etc - find yourself a horse that you can get along with.  Test ride lots of horses before you purchase and don't buy one with the mindset of "I can fix this."

If you've done your work - don't feel bad about selling your horse.  You should enjoy riding.  Just try to really hard to figure out what he's good at and would enjoy - then sell him to a fabulous home.

Best wishes!

Answer 6

Have you ever thought that you are as much to blame as her?  It might be unconscious nerves.  A few private lessons might help sort things out.  For jumping you need to be really positive and ride at it like a bull at a gate.  Some people drop the reins and stop driving forwards just before a jump, this confuses and unbalances a horse so a stop is inevitable.  

What is she like with other people on her?

But, by all means sell her.  Some horses and riders really do not bond and it would be a shame for you both to be unhappy.  I had some terrible ponies when I was younger and battled on. But really I should have sold them.

Perhaps you should too.

No-one can make these decisions for you but yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Assuming you have a trainer that's trying to help you through all of this, maybe it's best to ask them. But if you feel this has gotten to the point that your uncomfortable riding the pony, then I think it's time to let the pony go. Your aunt is right - some horses aren't meant to be with certain riders or people. I had to deal with a horse like that myself. Loved him to death because he was so sweet and kind on the ground. But the moment I got in the saddle, he and I just rubbed each other the wrong way.

But think it through. This is a big decision - is selling the pony and getting a more compliant one a better deal than dealing through this pony's problems to unravel how good (or not so good) she can be?

Answer 8

Well, seems like she is not the right energy for you. It is okay though.

Before riding, lunge her (take  the lead rope and make her run in circles)

. It is a form of training to calm the horse down.If that doesn't work,

sell her to a  rescue center.

Answer 9

I own two horses so I know how much they cost...

My advice is to sell her and get a horse you are IN LOVE with!

As much money, time, and energy as we spend....there has to be a special relationship build on trust....you are a team!

Answer 10

to me it doesn't sound like you have the bond between you so i would sell her to a good home and find the bond with another and also may be she would be happy and more responsive with someone else

Answer 11

i've been down the same road. except it was with a barrel racer that was my second horse. she would literally run over the barrels and do anything and everything to p**s me off. i couldnt stand it. at shows i was always disqualified because she would run home and i couldn't stop her. she then took to rearing and by the time i was fed up.

i contacted my trainer and got one lesson with him. ever since then she was a different horse. he recommended decreasing her grain to about a handful and giving her plenty of hay and restricted grazing with lots of exercise. this changed her in about a week. she no longer wanted to do the wrong thing. i could trust her with my life and anybody elses.

so my advice to you is, do what you think is best. if you absoutley can't stand her, even after a couple lessons from a good trainer then do what you think is right. some horses just dont fit with some riders.

hope i could help (:

Answer 12

I know exactly how you are feeling. My sister got a pony in November and from the start she was convinced this pony wasn't for her. My parents wouldn't let her sell the pony until she had it for a least a year to give her a fair shot. So she started to show in the "AA" circuit hunter shows and she went to a show in Jan., Feb., March, and April. In the first 2 she was totally elimated for refusals, but then in the 2nd 2 she didn't get totally elimated but dead last for at least one refusal in almost every class/round. This is the expensive A circuit I'm talking about, no one could believe they were still going at it. My sister was in totally shock and absoulty hated this pony she couldn't take her eyes off a few months ago. She seriously thought about giving the sport up if she was going to have to stay with this horribe pony. Everyone at the barn made a group effort to talk to her and say, hey you just have to finish out the year and then you can sell her so you might as well try really hard to get where you want to be. So she finally started treating the pony like she liked her and that she enjoyed riding her even when they had some bad moments. But over time they learned to trust each other. It is amazing how much trust means to a horse when they have someone on its back. I mean I ride horses but when I got my horse he and I clicked really fast with trust. It just means more and takes longer for certain horses. You have to give them a fair shot at what you want them to do. My sister went from stopping every round in April to Reserve Champion in July. I have to say having a trainer really helped, but if you cant afford one or get one or what ever your case is that prevents you from having one, this is going to sound strange but look through horse magazines. practical horseman is one of my favs. They always have one every month, and it usually has multiple sections on excerises and helping with difficult problems to make your horse better overall.

My sugestion for you is to give this pony a fair shot and try to earn her trust but its not going to be there tomarrow, YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER A FAIR CHANCE! Maybe its not a good idea to go jump her right away. Maybe you should work on your flat work and perfecting it so she does everything right and on cue. Then start with poles and then "Scary" poles that have flowers around them or jackets covering them. This way she has to trust you to get past her fear without a big jump in the way. You might want to use a small pair of spurs and carry a crop to help you a little. This by no means whip her with it abusivly of course just a little squeeze and tap tap to help her. Dont try to make her more scared just give her more convidence. Trust and convidence is a must for a horse and rider to get anywhere in life.

And if at the end of the day after you have tried all that you can to make this horse work and you believe that you have truly given it your all and that he is still not the horse for you then it might be the best to sell them. But think twice about if your parents will be willing to give you another horse. The deal was that my parents gave my sis and I a certain amount of money to spend on any horse but if we sell that horse the money we get is the money we can use to buy our selves a new one, which gets kind of tricky sometimes. So make sure you go over what will happen after you sell your horse and if you can get another one. I personally would rather have a horse not right for me than no horse at all.

Sorry for this really really long advice and I hope I helped you with what you needed... :)

Happy Trails

Answer 13

She may not be "sick or anything" but it may still be worth having someone check her back, like a chiropractor or a physiotherapist.

Some mares get very sore ovaries when they ovulate giving them a sore back (and so less inclined to jump). Have you noticed if there is a pattern to her behaviour?

Try loose schooling her over jumps to see IF she jumps ok then.

It might be worth trying some "horse whisper" type training with her, which will also help with bonding between you both.

Alternatively you could try other therapies like reiki or spiritual healing, it might sound like a long shot but it's supposed to have some quite good results with horses.

Sorry if that seems like just a list of random ideas but I hope something might help, however sometimes you just dont "click" with a horse and it should be about enjoying yourself so no-one should think bad of you if you do decide to sell her. But as others have pointed out she might be difficult to sell like this so it'll still be worth trying some techniques.

Good luck

Answer 14

Your aunt is right.  Have you been watching the Olympics?  Horses that compete are athletes too, just like people.  They have their own ability, mind and temperament.  Not only is your horse not showing quality it is potentially dangerous.  If this were your first consideration for selling a new horse I would advise you to get some lessons in horsemanship from Clinton Anderson or another specialist for problem horses, but you are past that.  Sometimes an athlete just doesn't fit right with a rider.  Even Olympic Gold Medal competitors sometimes change coaches.  Find a horse with a temperament that fits you, has the body and stamina to compete, and feels like you were born in the saddle.  Don't give up on a horse but also don't continue to compete with a horse that is not psychologically or physically or temperamentally suited.

Answer 15

Firstly not all people like all people.

Not all horses like all horses, so why do we assume that all people like all horses or the other way around?

That aside. To begin with, she was probably "testing you".

As spring came, her seasons will have started, This can be a very moody time for mares (think how you feel once a month!) Every 21 days she will have gone through eastrus, then the mood passes and the whole cycle begins again. Mares get PMT just like we do, if she has ever foaled this will make things worse too.

Where do you think the phrase "moody mare" comes from? Mares are often tricky to handle because of hormones.

You can put her on calmers & the like

Regumate is a good one and worth baring in mind for next year (if you still have her)

My advice to you is keep her through the winter. From a selling point of view you will get a better price for her in the spring. Only the very dedicated or dealers perchase horses in autunm/winter.

Be realistic. set yourself a goal & keep a pony diary. Put down everything she does and how you feel about her through winter. If she shapes up and comes good then hormones are the problem and put her on the regumate in Feb 08 for the following spring/summer. If you still feel you are logger-heads with her do you BOTH a favour and sell her on. You maybe asking to much or indeed not enough. Some mares need carfull handling. Things can easerly turn into a clash of the Diva's with mares and it's not nice to go expecting to do battle every time you go to do your horse.

Good luck....

Answer 16

It seems you've lost interest in your horse - and once that happens the partnership is doomed. Im not judging you for this though - dissapointment after dissapointment can be heartbreaking - in particular when you know your horse is capable of doing better - so yes I think in this case its better that you two part company.

Sure you dont like giving up - but it seems to me that you'll only end up more frustrated with your horse if you continue with it.

I think you should just cut your losses and sell her on.

xx

Answer 17

You cannot ever give a horse human attributes such as being "cheeky", happy, sad, playing with me, etc.  Such outcomes that we THINK MIGHT be close to human attributes are driven by equine behaviours.

But until you make a decision, here's what you must understand:  No matter what horse you are with, you must establish yourself as the leader of your herd of two.  Horses, in their natural wild state, each have a place in the social heirarchy - a pecking order if you will.  This pecking order is tested and re-distributed or enforced on an hourly and daily basis.  The leaders of the herd, mare and stalllion, each have responsibilities to protect the herd from predators, other stallions or band members not of their own group, and such as that as well as leading the rest of the herd to the best watering hole, the best grazing spots, the mineral licks in the ground to get their needed salts and minerals, to shelter, etc.  The lowest members of the herd on the social order must follow, in the physical locations determined by the members of the herd - older or injured horses are kept to the outside so as to put the danger of predation as far outside the majority of the herd as possible.  A young horse, perhaps just weaned from his mother, or a new herd member is taught the social order of things by body language - until they are known trusted members of the herd, they are kept to the outer fringes of the group.  If they attempt to establish themselves higher in the social order, they may be kicked, another may have their ears laid back in warning - what plays out is a level of internal dominance factor - horses are born with a certain level of dominance and confidence and their early years further build on these factors.  In the horse world, he who moves his feet first loses - a new horse approaches an established herd member, they'll usually lay ears back at each other and maybe snap their teeth at each other.  The first one to back off is the more submissive, and the one who stands their ground the more dominant - thereby perhaps moving up the social ladder if the newer member is more dominant.

OK - so, when your mare tests you by what you see as misbehaviour she's testing her place and dominance factor in your herd of two.  If she's pushing you around while you're leading her, pulling you about or being plain nasty she's establishing that she's more dominant than you.  Move your feet away or turn away and she thinks you've just backed off.  she's obviously pushed you in certain ways at certain times that she's come to learn you cannot be a strong enough leader to enforce your will.

Therefore, I would suggest you watch some horses together, see how the most dominant ones act and then emulate those with her.  They do not touch each other often - so smacking her won't tell her a thing - they don't make a sound either - so yelling at her does no good because horses don't do these things to each other, they don't understand the meanings when they are done to them.  You can get a horse's attention with a smack or a shout, but it doesn't establish dominance and leadership.

After you've learned through these observations and trial and error or you've learned by reading books or watching videos how to interact with a horse on their terms, you will understand better.

Regarding the horse's refusal of jumps, this also is reflective of your leadership - the horse has learned she doesn't HAVE to jump - she somehow has it in her mind that either if she refuses enough, she'll get to quit or an instant refusal gets her off the hook - in short, she has you well trained.  You must continue to request it of her, making what you desire the easiest thing to do.  For example, if my horse will not step in a mud puddle as I request, we do something she really finds less acceptable such as turning about 10 tight little circles - when she steps in the puddle (or does whatever I'm asking),  she then gets the reward of stopping to rest and praise then we move on to the next thing or end our session after that episode.

If you work with a horse and get frustrated and give up, they learn you will give up and give in and allow them to relax - if you are getting frustrated and can't get beyond a certain point, you need to go back to the last point you were successful - perhaps a small jump or something that you got through with her last time, THEN end the session showing her that she won't be allowed to stop until she does something that YOU require of her.

There's a saying "my horse is my mirror" that I've seen.  What that saying means is that any shortcoming a person has with their horse is their shortcoming, not the horse's.  It is often something as simple as lack of patience - we think showing a horse something we desire is simple, yet to them it is not, we must show them in smaller steps and really emphasize the positive outcomes to build and get to the next step.  If our impatience gets in our way, our interaction and

Answer 18

I think that if you REALLY REALLY do not want to sell your horse, you should get in touch with a decent well-recommended instructor. They will have the experience to see whether your horse is just playing up (a solvable problem) or if there is something deeper. I know you've said you've ruled out health problems, but this could be something as simple as a pinching saddle. Also, as she is a mare, she could be going through really mareish behaviour due to her hormones. Get in touch with your vet about putting her on supplements.



In the end, the final decision is down to you, she sounds like a decent horse when she wants to be so I say persevere x

Answer 19

Are you doing groundwork with this horse? Before selling her I would try a serious groundwork training program to see if that helps. You might consider this because you don't want to get a mindset where you're going to sell off every horse that gives you trouble. Read some of the articles on my blog about groundwork exercises that teach horses to respect you (the articles are all free and some have video clips). You teach respect on the ground, not in the saddle. In the saddle you should only be maintaining respect.

Having horses all your life doesn't make you an expert. Nothing against your aunt but that in itself isn't a criteria. I've seen people who have only been around horses 10 years that know WAY more than people who have been around horses their "whole lives".

David

http://gentlenaturalhorseman.blogspot.co...

Answer 20

Well, you have a few options. I've worked with alot of people with the same problem.

Sounds like you and your horse are not understanding each other. I've always been told, there are no bad horses, only bad communications! Maybe you need the help of a professional trainer. However, be prepared to make the committment and investment. It will take time and money to connect with your horse, but with expert help, it can work.

If you dont feel you can committ to that, it may be time to send her on her way. Keep in mind she may be as unhappy as you, and a different home, person, and situation may suit her better, too. She deserves to be happy just as much as you do.

Other things to consider:

Tack Fitting- types of bits, saddles pinching and rubbing, etc. can make ANY horse cranky when you are on them. Is she as cranky when she is in the pasture or in her stall? If not, maybe having someone look at how your tack fits will help.

Type of horse- you're horse is a mare, first off. They generally all have bad days. They have hormone issues monthly just like women. If this is an every day thing- maybe it's not the mare issue though. Age and previous training are also something to consider. Is she young? Is she older, but never learned the basics?

Try taking her back a few steps in her training. If she is refusing every jump, she's not confident enough to jump yet. Go back to walking ground poles, then trotting, then cantering, etc. Everytime she isn't comfortable enough with what you are doing, go back to the beginning and find another approach to it. Horses are reactive animals, and you have to get them to think, they dont do it naturally. If she THINKS she wants to do something because she knows she can, she will.

The big thing is, stay positive. If you go to ride her expecting the worse, that's what she's going to give you. It took me almost 6 years with one of my geldings to get him to be a consistant horse. We had days I thought I'd like to just take a 2x4 to his head. But now, I have a great ride everytime. Not everone can wait 6 years, I understand, but know that it's possible with every horse if you can committ to it!

Answer 21

wow, since nov. thats along time maybe that horse is just stuborn, get like an expert horse trainer to help or something. but if that doesnt work and u feel ur not getting anywhere then yeah i guess u should get a differant horse.

Answer 22

you have to remember the fact that some horses are not made for jumping. if thats really what you want to do then it would probably be in your best interest to sell her, or change or passion lol

Answer 23

Your aunt is very right, if the relationship isnt working, there is no point stressing you & the horse out because the chemistry isnt there between you...Owning & riding a horse is like being married...yes, you fight sometimes when you dont understand eachother, but for the most part, you should be able to communicate well with eachother & you should be able to know how to get the best out of the horse...sounds like this ''marriage'' is not working...to say the least...I would say cut your losses, and sell her...next time, test ride a bit more on the prospective horse instead of rushing it ( Im not saying you did) Also set up some sort of contract with the owner so that if things dont work out with the horse, you can return it :)

Good Luck!  

Answer 24

Hi..xx

its obvious you love your horse but your having doubts weather she is the horse for you.. have other people tried riding her and is she still naughty is would suggest before selling her that you get a behavior specialist out to see her.. has he tack been checked and her back all theses factors could be whats causing her to be naugthy i would check thees out before selling her because when you have sold her theres no going back.

Good luck ♥

Answer 25

You say she is lazy? I'm sure not all lazy horses are the same, but i found from past experience lazy horses seem to play up more than a horse that listens to your leg and is forwards. They seem to enjoy taking things in more of what's going on around them, and choosing what they wish to spook at. It can be really frustrating when you can't seem to get their concentration.

I know trainers can be expensive to have regular, but maybe just have someone once or twice to see what could be done? Hunting may help a lazy horse to be more forwards.

But i wouldn't recommend feeding it up any feeds that are heating. Some people think it may make a lazy horse more forwards but it just makes them more wound up.

Either way, the refusals need to be delt with, and i understand how hard it is when you have a horse who thinks they can choose as and when they jump a good course/do a good test. Try and find a happy medium, your aunt is right, there are times you have to just stop, take a long hard think and possibly sell your horse as it just isn't right.

Good luck either way :)

Answer 26

Get a trainer? That could help.

If you want to sell her, make sure she goes to a good family.

Answer 27

Did you ever bother to get this horse on trail?

Answer 28

Yes, change her for another horse. She obviously is a mare, has temper tantrums and mood swings lol!!(-alike to my old pony). You need to work out if she is doing it out of fun or out of spite. My pony did it out of fun which was easy to deal with, but then one day she stopped dead in from of jumps-it was actually her legs (they hurt her jumping). If you feel she is not right then the horse picks up on bad vibrations and will act up. Have a friend ride her for a week and see what they think but overall I think you should get a horse right for you, after all its your money and meant to be your FUN hobby!

Answer 29

This is a tricky head/heart problem.

You've told us lots about your head wanting to sell the horse because she isn't working for you but nothing about how you feel about her. I wonder if this is because you've already decided that your head rules over your heart. Do what you "feel" is right, make sure you are really certain of your decision, that way you wont have regrets later on.

Good Luck.

Answer 30

Try a different discipline with her and see how she acts it may be that she just wasnt ment for jumping.

Answer 31

Got to admit, it sounds like your horse just really doesn't like to jump.

You should find a horse who loves to jump and sell this one to someone who just likes to pleasure ride.