What should I do about child visitation and decision making?

Question

I am almost 5 months pregnant and I recently broke up with my fiance. He would do NOTHING but play video games from the time he got home from work, which was about 10:45 at night, and would play his little games until 5 in the morning or even later. I got tired of his c**p and I tried to talk to him about it but he was ignoring me and was never excited to talk about the baby. I moved in with my parents and he and I have been in contact everyday but he is getting so demanding about the unborn baby. He wont allow me to name it what I want and is saying he will have his say in every decision I make about the baby. I dont trust his judgement as far as children go. I have raised my sisters child and know what I am doing. He is really starting to get to me with all his demands. I am getting to the point where I dont want anything to do with him. He is a good person, but he is afraid I wont let him see his child. I think thats why he is acting this way. What should I do?

Answer 1

There is a saying, "you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone". Try leading the discussion toward responsibility and child support and find out how truly serious he is.

Answer 2

Some men act very differently about pregnancy!! They want to be demanding about things they can control. Where as we that are caring the baby feel so much and amazed that we want them to be as excited and worried as you are preparing for the baby..As far as what to do only you know in your heart! Is he going to be a good father in your baby's life or would it be more of a heart breaker to your child?? If you can't be happy with him don't fall in the trap that you feel obligated to do what he says because you are having his baby...He may need some time to grow up but hopefully he will c and understand where u are coming from. Custody of a child is always a hard thing to do especially when the baby gets old enough to ask you why mommy and daddy are separated. Good luck on your decision...............

Answer 3

The video games thing is almost all men.  Seriously.  All my friends sit around and gripe about how men are clueless about things that need to get done.  I know many a husband who has stayed up several nights in a row playing world of warcraft.

It just takes patience to deal with a husband.  Relationships are hard hard hard hard work.  If you expect to never have to deal with any of that stuff, don't get married.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband and we've been together since high school, but men generally are just fundamentally different.  We have three kids now and he's much better about things but even though he really wanted to have kids, it was like pulling teeth to get him to act excited about the babies.

There is no perfect relationship.  If you guys loved each other enough to start this thing, try pre-marital counseling to work out your differences.  It's hard being a woman, a wife, & a mother. Hang in there!  Things get a little better as they mature.  Talk to an older couple who have been married for a few decades.  They'll tell you the same thing.

Or, try an older man next time. LOL

Note to other posters who are getting upset: I am well aware of perceived gender differences vs. real gender differences as well as stereotyping pitfalls.  I realize that not ALL men are like this, but a great many are.  It's also hard to argue with so much anecdotal evidence! ;o)

Answer 4

Well, that depends on how you want to play...  Just remember that the harder you the play the harder it will be for Child Support.

First, I would try to have a meeting (literally meet him at his favorite restaurant / People tend to be calmer in public...  Unless he likes to show) with him. Explain everything - Lay it down, Let him know that you don't appreciate the way he is acting, handling things, and that there is a way that you two can come to a mutual ground.

Second, if he doesn't do well with that and still acts like a butt or if he doesn't want to meet contact a lawyer and figure out as a mother what you can do, where your legal standing is, etc...

Third, If nothing else works then don't put him on the birth certificate. Now the bad part with that is (UNLESS they have changed the laws in the last couple of years) you cannot file for child support without a Paternity Test.

Now please keep in mind that the law's could have changed. But first and foremost I could contact a lawyer and figure out WHAT exactly as the mother can you do, Do you have certain weight over him.?.

Try the website that I included. It is free, it allows you to ask questions, find lawyers...  The whole nine yards...  

Best of luck to you though!!!  I feel for you...