What should I do about makeing my 12 year old daughter go to her dads?

Question

My 12 year old daughter isn't wanting to go visit her dad anymore b/c he keeps telling her that b/c of her attitude he doesn't want her around anymore. I didn't want to believe that he would say this to our daughter but it was confirmed when he told me "I don't f'n need her". So since he has said that I haven't made her go over to his his. He finally after 1.5 weeks apologized but she is still upset and doesn't want to go and visit him anymore.

We have been seperated for 8 years now and have no court order for her. what should I do? Would you make your baby girl go over there?

Answer 1

Don't make her go!. She is not wanting too, he said something sooo bad that an apology does not fix and you all go back to normal. Obviously she feels/knows what his opinion is/was?

He sounds nasty.  

Answer 2

First of all as a father I could never even imagine saying that about my daughter.  Tell your ex he needs to get a book  called "Stronger Fathers Stronger Daughters" and maybe he will realize how much they really both need each other.

You also cannot force a relationship on to her.  If this is something she does not want, then it is up to them to resolve it.  From everything I know about being a dad (which so far is about 3 years experience hands on but I have done so much reading) these are really times in her life too.  Maybe you can try to talk to them both as well together?

Find out why her attitudes is like that around him? Why is she acting out?  Obviously if he is making comments like that well I would act out too.

Sorry one more book you might suggest Dads & Daughters How to inspire, Understand and Support your Daughter....

Answer 3

The fact that you are separated and she is a teen means she needs a good solid male role model in her life to prevent her from turning to boys to fill that need, getting pregnant or all rebelliously boy crazy.  It sounds like you need to have a good family meeting about what is going on there, with him and with her then based on the outcome go to counseling but at a minimum lay down some ground rules for every one involved.

Answer 4

I WOULD TEACH HER THE IMPORTANCE OF FORGIVENESS AND TELL HER THAT EVEN IF SHE DOESN'T FORGET WHAT HER FATHER SAID TO HER THAT SHE AT LEAST NEEDS TO FORGIVE HIM NOT FOR HIM BUT FOR HERSELF SO THAT IT DOES NOT EAT HER UP INSIDE I WOULD NOT FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO BUT I WOULD LET DAD KNOW THAT HE CAN NOT OBVIOUSLY TALK TO HER LIKE THAT AND THAT SHE IS NOT A BOY AND THAT HER FEELINGS HAVE BEEN HURT AND TO REMEMBER THAT THE FIRST LOVE THAT A FEMALE LEARNS  (OPPOSITE s*x THAT IS) IS THE LOVE FROM HER FATHER AND IF NOT HANDLED CORRECTLY CAN DAMAGE HER FOR LIFE AND IN ANY RELATIONSHIPS SHE MAY HAVE LATER ON AND ON HER PART THAT SHE NEEDS TO REALIZE THAT ATTITUDE WILL GET YOU NO WHERE IN LIFE AND THAT IF SHE DOES NOT LEARN RESPECT OF HER PARENTS NOW REMIND HER THAT THERE ARE PLENTY OF BAD PEOPLE THAT SHE CAN MEET OUT IN THE REAL WORLD THAT ARE READY WILLING AND ABLE TO TEACH  

IT TO HER AND IT AINT PRETTY TO GET EMBARASSED IN FRONT OF YOUR PEERS SO APPRECIATE YOUR PARENTS WHILE THEY ARE AROUND CAUSE YOU WON'T FIND NO OTHERS THAT WILL LOVE YOU LIKE YOUR PARENTS DO AND THAT ANGER IS AN EMOTION THAT WILL SOON PASS

Answer 5

i think you should give her a little time to get over it . a month max. and in that time he should call and come visit her at your house to make her comfortable again. cause if a parent saids something like that to a child that young is pretty tramatic. so he needs to do what he can to make her comfy. and also she might be a peice a work so you need to straighted little missy up.

Answer 6

I Honestly think that at 12,your Daughter should be allowed to make her own choice about spending time with her Father.

It isn't surprising she does not wish to visit him after he said such an awful thing to her.

Answer 7

I was forced to see my dad when i didn't want to and i'm glad my mother made me.

i kinda remember being 12.  it's a hard age.  wanting to be independent, but not really being able to be.  and all 12 year olds have some degree of attitude.  it's the parents who need to curb theirs and be firm and loving regardless of how the p*****n acts.  i don't care how bad her "attitude" got, he should NEVER tell her that he doesn't need her or want her around.  my kids' dad has an explosive anger problem and he would NEVER say that.  he'd probably tell them to put a sock in it and get over themselves, but would not ever say that he didn't need or want them.

make a deal with him.  tell him when he enrolls in family counseling with both children (which you should go to as well, so you know exactly what's going on and how to handle whatever other situation could arise), then you'll start sending her back over there, and no sooner unless she decides she wants to go.  that way HIS attitude problem is fixed and they can both figure out where each other is coming from.

Answer 8

I think what I would do (as a mother that is madly in love with my child) is have a talk with her father, request that you all go to (at least) short term counseling to get to the root of the problem.  If he agrees then have him come over and, with the family present, tell his daughter his regret and express his love for her and his strong desire to fix their relationship, which is when he'll mention that he's signed you all up to go talk to someone who can help you thru this.  If he doesn't agree, have him come over and say all of it but the counseling part.  See how that goes and go from there.

One thing for you to think about:

Although it sounds as if you're a great mother that would never say such a hurtful thing to your child, allowing her to ostracize her father as a result of his mistake is giving her a certain power over you both.  If you were to ever make her mad, she may make the same choice with you...to go to her dad's and not see you.  Would you want that to be allowed?  Or would you want the chance to teach her the lesson that even grown up and parents make mistakes...and then further that lesson by showing her your remorse and how to take responsibility for ones mistakes?

Good luck and keep taking good care of her and yourself! :)

Answer 9

Since he apologized, gently tell her you think it's best that she goes with her brother to visit her dad, and if she doesn't have a good time, you'll talk about having her stay with you. Tell her he means his apology and the mature thing to do would be to give him a chance.