What should I do about my 8 year old? Genuine answers only please!?

Question

I have 4 children. 3boys and one girl. Their ages are 9 1/2, 8, 6 and almost a year. My 8 year old son keeps repeatedly stealing things and causing trouble in school. His father is not in his life because he's a real jerk. My son knows his father but he's still not around and we're better off this way really! it was an abusive relationship for all of us. Now it's quite a few years later and my son is really acting out. No matter what I try to punish him and no matter how many times I talk to him he straightens up for a few days & then goes right back to stealing from kids at school and family members. It's not small stuff either. We're talking, cell phones, gameboys and then we have some small stuff. This morning my fiance went to put in his contacts and they were gone. I searched my son's room and the empty contact cases were under his bed. I don't know what to do anymore. He sees a school counselor once week, but nothing gets through to him. I need help!!!

Answer 1

Sit him down and talk to him like a big boy. Ask him why he is doing these things. You have to remember if the relationship was abusive HE remembers too.  Stay with the counselor at school, get him into activities with your church ( or any local church that has children's activities) talk to the preacher etc....

Remember to tell him how much you love him, and that his feelings are important and most of all STAY CALM and don't yell or scream.

It sounds like your son is desperately seeking attention, even if it is the wrong kind.

Answer 2

Middle children often feel they don't get enough attention even if you're treating all the children the same. Could you and your fiance each schedule some one-on-one time with him each week?  For instance your fiance could take him to the batting cages every Sat. morning and you could do special reading time with him every Monday evening, or something along those lines.

Answer 3

Perhaps consider giving temporary custody of the kid to his dad.  Maybe he can/should have some role in "straightening" him out.  In that way you don't expose the rest of the kids or yourself to the abuse.  It may/might be a good idea to seek out a SHRINK...the acting out may/might be related to some form of mental illness.  GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Sounds like he needs a professional counselor, they have a lot more training than a school counselor.  If you know a police officer, maybe they could help you by talking to him.  I bet they would just to help you guide him in the right direction.

Or talk to the police and ask them if they have any advice, they deal with theives every day.

Answer 5

i think he just needs some one on one time with you he probable thinks that he is losing you to the man in your life try talking to him and just listen to him for awhile

Answer 6

Your son beside being a middle child he is also crying out for help.  He misses his father and he feels your fiancee is taking his and his father place in your life and heart.  Regardless of how awful his father was he may not remember it or comprhend it because he was little to understand.  Punishing him may only be worsening the problem.  Talk to his school to recommend a professional FAMILY counseling for you, fiancee, and him-the school counselar may not be able to get through because she/he is part of the organization "that is against him" in his mind. So you need to have him in neutral ground and not feeling on the defensive but rather eased.  Also, try not to use words like "what is wrong with you?" children find funny ways to think it is all their fault and they are bad and things are wrong with them and when they fail to fix it they lash out in frustration.  If i amy suggest, try spending one on one time with him. Take him for a walk, to the park, to lucnh-just the two of you and DON"T talk about his misbehaving but tell himm about your interest about things you did as little kid -imprefections you did so he understand that you undertansd he is not perfect bust you love him anf there to help him through it. Ask him after few outings if there is anything he wants to share wth you-what is angering him, what makes him sad, happy, but don't tell him why do you steal. Expalin to him you want to help him and that there is nothing in this world that will make you leave him or love him less. He need reassurance of love and security. Alow your fiancee to build a bridge with him and to assure him he is not going to leave him or replace him with you-but rather he is there for your son and wants them to be buddies.  Try to speak to your son about his father and explain why you two are not compatabile without making his father a mosnter because he is not going to digest that-That is why i think family counseling is good because they will help you approach these issues on his level not adult level. Good luck.

Answer 7

I don't believe that his goal is to steal. I think he is" acting out" . He is expressing an unmet emotional need. Have you talk to a professional child psychologist? Often middle children have the hardest time emotionally!

Answer 8

Mmmmm....tough one, its obviouse that there is a need for attention do you go to the councilor with him and are these areas discussed? It sounds like there is something underlying here. Maybe try one on one time with him? Maybe he is feeling neglected because he feels he is not included or taken time with (he is smack in the middle) Im sure its not done on purpose but it tends to happen to middle children. It may be his way of telling you he needs attention. Good luck and if his counselor is not helping to resolve this issue maybe try a different one. Make sure you talk to them as well and be open to constructive criticism and what behavioral changes you need to make. It sounds like you have your hands full and sometimes when this is the case we dont see things that are right in front of us. Good Luck to you

Answer 9

let the kid know that theft is a crime and you will report him the next time it happens -do not just threaten.  get him some counseling, send him to the pediatrician to rule out a medical cause for his behavior, take parenting classes, and spend more time talking with him -not at him.

Answer 10

You should take the belt to his butt. A.K.A. spank hime with a belt. This is serious that he is stealing. It could lead to him ending up in jail later in life if this is not taken care of now.