What should I do about my baby being treated unequally...?

Question

I have a 4 month old daughter and right now her father and I are staying with his parents while our house is being renovated. We've been here for a while and his sister and her 3 children live with his parents as well. She has a 12 month old and he's lived here since he was born. I guess I kinda feel like they don't really like my daughter as much...that's the only way I can phrase it...They have 19 grandchildren and I understand them taking a liking to one more so than another, but they're quite open about it. Earlier they were just going on and on about how big he was and it's great that he was in the 85th percentile for height and they asked his mom how he was, what shots he got how much he weighed and so on. Well, my daughter just went to the doctor last week adn they knew and didn't even ask about what had happened...I know it's probably not important, but I was always treated so equally among my brothers and I just don't want her to feel like she isn't equal when she gets older. Another thing that happened was this weekend we went to my boyfriends family reunion and his sister came from florida and she had her baby 5 weeks after me. Well, my baby was their and her baby was their and my b/f's mom was introducing the baby to the whole family saying how beautiful she was and toting her around, but never once said oh and this is my other new granddaughter and their only 5 weeks apart in age. What can I do to balance out the inequality...should I just ignore it and get over it? I wish I could but I feel my blood boil when they do things like that....I try to give her time with them and let the hold her, but they jsut kind of say oh hey baby and hand her back....What could I do to either not be so angry about it or get over it?

Answer 1

I think the only way to resolve a situation like that is to talk to them about it.  I know that may be very difficult, but I think that is your only answer.  I agree, it isn't fair, but they may have a reason for how they are behaving that can be resolved, it just takes someone stepping forward to make it an issue.  Also, they may not realize they are doing it and if you bring it up it could bring it to their attention.  I wish you all the best of luck!!

Answer 2

i find this very odd i have 7 children and 5 grandchildren and i treat them all equally. i couldnt favour one over another. i have heard of it before but  im not quite sure what u can do about it u cant change people  

Answer 3

now i just have to say that that is a lot of words it just gives me a headache. so back to the question, so u think u are treating them equally? well as people say every one is treated equally and everyone is loves equally.hope it helps!!!

Answer 4

Perhaps you should tell your spouse how you feel so he can talk to his parents. He shouldn't let on that it's you who is bothered. His parents are more likely to talk with him about it than you. You are his wife and he should understand how you feel and stand up for you. Does he notice this also?

Maybe the next time you could bring up some of your child's qualities when her grandmother is bragging about another child in front of you. At least she would get the hint that you notice the indifference. It's very unfair for a grandparent to openly favor one child over another. If it's a continuous problem, I would just not stay there. Your child will feel the favoritism really young and it will affect her. Nip it in the bud now before there are too many hurt feelings.

Answer 5

Favoritism is one of the worst things that could happen to a child. Because they feel neglected and unloved. They develop low self-esteem and have low confidence. They become isolated and alone. They act out and cause tantrums because they don't get any attention. And you wonder why you have such a bad child it is because they just want to feel appreciated. They want to be loved. Children are a product of their environment. They model themselves after the people they look up to. So you have to create this kind of consistency and structure inside their environment so they could grow up to be happy people.

Answer 6

Well, first off, I'd actually ask them, and see what they say... Once it's brought to their attention, they will either adjust how they act, or continue on, but, at least they'll realize that they're being obvious... If it continues, there's nothing you can do, but get over it; however, I'd limit the amount of time your daughter spends with them, cause she WILL notice, when she's older... Hopefully your house will be finished, SOON! Good luck.

My mom-in-law clearly favors my oldest daughter, over my other two kids, and it's very obvious... We don't see her, too often, though, so I've never called her on it, but, it still peeves me off when she brings my daughter a ton of clothes (for example), and nothing at all for my son, and now, my other daughter.