What should I do about my father in law?

Question

My future husband and I are considering adoption. This would be great but there is one problem. He father is very old fashioned, stubborn and "always right". He believes that an adopted child is not a member of the family. He thinks that all of the problems in his brother's familiy arise from the adopted children, that they are hopless cases and will never behave or succeed. I really want to adopt but I'm afraid that my future father in law will never love the child. What should I do?

Answer 1

First of all, this will be your family and your marriage and what your husband and you decide is your business. If your father in law has control over that, he has or will have control over other matters as well. That's probably the type of person he is. Grandparents aren't always great and wonderful. Sometimes we need to keep a distance just to get along. Whatever you decide, stick to it. Continue to be polite to him. It's his loss, not yours. He will cheat himself out of some great love. It is sad, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Just tell him that you don't share his views and that he may never make any negative comments about the adoption if he wants to be a part of your family. Let him make that choice. As long as you and your future husband provide a loving and stable home for any child, adopted or your own, that's what matters.

Answer 2

Adopt! Don't make choices in your life based on negitive influences. It is your life not his and that is all that matters.

Answer 3

I did not think that I could have kids so I adopted a baby it is the best decision that my husband and I have EVER made.  He is the love of my life he brings joy to EVERYONE he meets I got him when he was 6 weeks and he will be 5 in August.  Even those people that said that they would not accept him have such a great love for him it does not matter if they are blood or not just as long as they are wanted and loved.  I would do what you and your husband feel is the right decision for you they will come around and if not then they are missing out children are a blessing!  I hope this helped you and good luck in whatever decision you decided to make.  Me personally I think it is the BEST thing in the world

Answer 4

I would still go ahead with the adoption. You need to live your lives doing whatever it is that makes you happy. There are many kids out there who need a good home. If your father in law doesn't come around, then that would be his loss. As far as an adopted child not being part of the family, that is nothing less than sad. GL!

Answer 5

You need to discuss with your husband if he is willing to cease contact with his father in order to be a father himself. I personally wouldn't let anyone like that near my kid.

Answer 6

Honey remember that as long as you love and care for the child that that is the only important thing.  Are there any biological children on your husband's side?  Your father-in-law may be upset because there are no biological children to carry on the family name.

Maybe you and your future husband should sit down with him and find out why he feels that way.

Is there a reason why you and his son are not planning on having your own children?

I am not saying not to adopt, but maybe he has only seen the issues form his other son's adopted children and is frightened.

Answer 7

my grandpa was that way with my sister jessica. shes adopted. adopt anyways. you will never regret it. i know my parents dont. jessica is the best thing that ever happend to my family. most of the time i forget that she is even adopted.

Answer 8

Think about which is more important to you:  your father-in-law's approval or having a child.

My personal decision would be: love the child or you don't get to see us anymore.  I have 2 sisters who were against our adoption.  I yearned for a baby.  I weighed the balance for about one second, and realized they had no right to decide whether or not I adopted.  The major effect is on my life, not theirs.  And the effect is fabulous!  We now have a beautiful little boy, now 4 years old.  And my sisters have changed their tune about adoption, now, too...I am told that happens frequently post-adoption, but even if it hadn't, I wouldn't give up my little boy for anything, epecially not for the ignorance of others.

Answer 9

You do what you and your husband think is best for your family. If your father in law cannot accept the child then you don't take the child around him. You can't let this man control your lives or your happiness, or the happiness of a child you would love and bring into your family. Don't let him stop you!

Answer 10

Do what you and your future husband think is the best for you, forget all that mumbo jumbo your idiot father in law says.

Answer 11

Sometimes the presence of the child will change the person for the better.  So hope for that.

Personally, I think you and your future husband have to discuss what will happen if your future father-in-law refuses to accept the child or worse yet is verbally and/or emotionally abusive to the child and how you will handle that.

Would your husband agree that if that happens you and the child would not likely be going to see him?  What will happen on holidays?  Weddings?  Family get togethers?

Best to get this ironed out BEFORE you get married and have it become a source of discord.

Answer 12

If you want to adopt you go right on and do it. If this is what you want and you are ok with it then it should not matter what anyone else feels. You nee to get into that mind set when thinking about adoption. Not everyone is for it or thinks its a good idea. I truly think that once your father in law sees that your child his heart will melt and he wont care. I know I thought my grandfather never would love my son but, he loves him like he is is own. And truly if he had not warmed up then so be it. It would be his loss.