What should I do about my friend cutting herself?

Question

She's been doing it for about 6 months. They're not deep wounds but I mean.. they're still cuts. She doesn't tell anyone but me and I don't know what to do. I forced her to see our school year advisor who was pretty good and got us into the school councillor. The councillor didn't really do much at all though. I dragged her to a community health clinic but she refuses to come back. Lately it's been getting worse and I don't know who to go to... Her parents know but are in total denial. What do I do?!

Answer 1

If you feel that your friend is a serious detriment to herself then you need to enlist some more help. She may hate you for telling others and may even not want to speak with you but it's much better than her hurting herself to the point of no return.

If you need to, talk to your mom. Usually girls are more comfortable with their mothers than with their fathers and I'm sure your mom will be able to get through to your friends more.

How are her parents in denial exactly? Will they not acknowledge her problem. You may want to ask your mother to talk to your friend's parents and explain what's really happening. They may be leery to talk to listen to you since you're younger and obviously biased in loving your friend.

You could also try telling your friend that if she doesn't get help, you WILL tell someone else. Make sure you tell her that you'll be there with her through out it all, just that you can't sit by and watch her hurt herself any longer.

Good luck on this. I hope you get through to her.

Answer 2

Well, I dated a girl for almost 2 years who had a problem with "cutting". Most people believe that it's just for attention. "Cutting" is a REAL disorder, and is equal to alcoholism, drug addiction, and smoking. The pain from the cutting relieves stress and gives them their release that they are looking for.

This is a very deep, dark, secret problem for people who cut. A common factor is that they have low self-esteem and/or poor self-image. They view it as embarrassing. They know that people just don't understand, and it's easier to continue cutting than to try and make someone understand that they are crying out for help.

Sometimes it's not the people you try to send her to, it's the people she is surrounded by. By just being there for her, you're helping. Don't try to force her to go talk to anybody. When I went through this with my g/f at the time, I always told her that when she felt like cutting to call me right away! I didn't care if it was Noon, Midnight, or any time in between, I was always there for her. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can make all the difference.

I really hope I was able to help! If you have any more questions, you can e-mail me at any time. I'll get back at ya as soon as I am able to.

Answer 3

I am a former cutter and also dealt with a very close friend who cut herself. For myself I told my parents I needed to see a therapist and was later diagnosed several years later with a mood disorder.

I tried so hard to help my friend, I talked to her, I went to a school counselor. They called her house and talked to her parents, they too were in denial. You seem to have done almost everything you can do.

My recommendation to you is to be supportive of your friend but also understand that you are only one person and only a teenager and these problems are much bigger and out of your control. All you can do is try to notify a professional that can help her. Its especially hard when the parents are in denial, its hard for them to grasp the concept of their child cutting.

What I learned the hard way is that in situations like these your friendship can change. You need to make sure that you aren't putting more responsibility on yourself then you're capable of handling. Your friend needs help, and while you can be there for her, and listen to her, you do not have the power to make her pain go away.

I wish you and your friend the best of luck, depression is not an easy battle to overcome. Your friend is going to have a long journey ahead of her. Tell her that life will get better, it's hard, but it gets better.

Answer 4

Coming from some one who cut as a teenager and went through many programs to stop, you cannot force her to seek help. She will get help when she sees it as a problem or when her parents see it as a problem and force her into it. Even then, it won't work until she truly wants to find the reason behind it and change it by finding a new outlet.

That being said... The best thing you can do for her is listen right now. If she does become an immediatte threat to herself or she starts cutting deep or at veins/arteries, you need to tell someone immediately! Her cuts are most likely superficial injuries and are in no way life threatening injuries. However, she can s***w up at any point in time and cut too deep or cut in the wrong spot. That may be her wake up call and you may just have to wait for that to happen. It is not uncommon for a person to not want or seek help until they have reached their own personal rock bottom.

Most people cut because they are numb inside. If she can see her pain then she can feel it too.

Please check out the source I cite at the bottom. I went through this program over 10 years ago. They have message boards in which your friend would be able to talk to others with similar afflictions and you would be able to understand more about it. If you have more questions, please do not hesitate to e-mail me.

Answer 5

Wow. Well what you should do is ask her why. And if she dosent tell you why she might be doing it for attention. If her parents are in denial then they just dont want to belive it. If a child gets to shelterd and goes to the outside world they might do it for attention. Did you change schools over the summer, if so it might be cause sudden changes sometimes makes people depressed and the trun to cutting.  And you need to set her down and tell her its not ok for her to do that.

And ask her what she would do if you did that. Some times if there not doing it for attention, a sudden change of view on the situation will make them help their selves and help you help them. Also tell her to call you if she feals like doing it and tell her she can do it at anytime.  Remind her of happier times, like study halls or something.

EDIT: also if she was not loved/reconized enough indevidualy as a child (e.g. seen only as one of the kids not just her.) by her parents or teachers that might be it too. If shes a twin shes just trying to show she wants to be know has her self  and not as a whole as the other in an unhealthy way.

hope i helped, hope you understand this, hope she stops.

Answer 6

She's not going to get better until she wants to. I've been dealing with my self injury for over 9 years. And I'm finally ready to get help. She has to realize something. And until she does, she won't want help.