What should I do about my grandmother and her guilt tripping husband?

Question

Ok my mother died a couple years ago and Im under a trust until Im 25. Thing is my grandmother and her husband are guilt tripping me to hang out with them. They live in Texas while Im in New Mexico, so visiting them isn't exactly fun. They are also very religious and I am not, yet for some reason they think I am. I have never liked being around my grandmother but Im being made to feel like I have to be there for her and take care of her. I don't want to do this. She was never my responsibilty to begin with. She knows nothing about me and doesnt take the time to get to know me but when it comes to her I have to be all ears. Its driving me crazy. I want to tell her how I feel but I don't want her to affect my trust or anything because she doesn't like who I really am. Im between a rock and a hard place right now and I don't know what to do anymore. Can someone please give me some advice?? Im just trying to live my own life without having to take care of someone else.

Answer 1

If I were you, I'd tell her that I just didn't have the time and resources to get out there right now. That I would if I could, but I'm really sorry that I can't. Especially with gas prices as miserable as they are right now, you could just cite that as the reason not to want to drive out of state.

Whatever you do, make it sound like you absolutely -can't-, not that you won't. If she refuses to take no for an answer, try getting other members of the family to help you deal with her.

Answer 2

If they are not the executors of the trust, there is nothing they can do to change the direction of pay out.  If they are, they would still have to go to court to change it, and most courts take a dim view of changing a trust just because you don't handle serpents or drink strychnine during religious services.  They would have to have some pretty damming evidence to deny you access to your trust for a judge to rule against you.  Sounds like they want to ingratiate themselves into your life so that when the trust becomes payable that you support them.  

what I would do is contact an attorney and have the trust looked at.  If they are executors of the trust, are they skimming money from it saying they are 'looking after you' (hence demanding you visit so they can show off 'what they do for you').  Maybe they want to keep it in their control because they are skimming and don't want to lose the gravy train.  It is worth having it investigated, since if they are skimming, you can have them charged with theft and the trust will be removed from their oversight.  

Answer 3

I'd gather all the documentation you can find regarding your mother's will and your trust and take it to an estate lawyer. He/she may have some very good advice for you - perhaps even something to help you take the trust out of their control. Surely over the years -some- amount of legal protection has been afforded individuals such as yourself to protect them against unscrupulous or dishonest relatives. In particular, you need to find out if: 1: you can have the trust removed from their power (even if it must be assigned to someone else), and 2: If there's any way she -could- negatively affect the trust. If she can't, then I'd just get it over with and tell her pretty much what you've said here. If she can affect your trust and you can't have it removed from their control, then you're going to have to decide what's more important to you: Your trust, or your peace of mind for the next few years.

If your trust, then you're just going to have to swallow your tongue & bide your time until your 25th. If your peace of mind, then you need to just tell her what you feel and let the cards fall where they may. It may even be helpful to abandon all hope of taking control of the trust so that if something does happen, you're prepared, and if it doesn't, you're pleasantly surprised.

Good luck in any event!

Answer 4

How old are you? is the trust from mom or from the grandparents? do the grandparents have the resources to hire help? How big is your trust? Can you pay for a helper from the trust without hurting the trust? If it won't hurt the trust to pay for a helper, go to your lawyer ask for a judges permission to use $150 per week to go to a helper for your grandparents. do they want you to visit or move to texas? Visit, I say go. You can put up with their sh** for two weeks. move, tell them you are in college and can't move. if you are not in college, then enroll and take classes on money management.