What should I do about my greedy stepdaughter? (LONG)

Question

My almost 12 year old stepdaughter is very greedy. If she goes out with me on a trip, I usually buy her something. On those same trips, I pick up something for her brothers since she got something. Once we get home, she demands her brothers share their treats with her because according to her, it's not fair they get to have treats and she doesn't. She has to be reminded that she received her treat while we were out. When it's time for desert (a rarity due to picky eating issues with the kids), if she's given free reign, she'll take more than her share of ice cream. My father sent me some things recently and I gave her older brother one of the blankets that were sent and her some of my old clothes. She was livid that he got a blanket until she was reminded that she received some new clothes. She was the one who decided which article of clothing she wanted to keep! Her older brothers are at the cabin this week with their father and I have her. We went on a shopping trip this past Monday before her father left for the cabin. I bought her capri-pants from a trendy store, a new tank top, new sandals, McDonald's food, an ice cream, and some fancy water. Upon arriving home, she asked her father for money for ice cream. He said no because he knew that she already had some things bought for her. I bought her brothers sandals and a couple tank tops for their trip. I bought my infant a new toy. As I was buying the toy for my son, she told me that I spend too much money on him. This whole week, she's been able to do what she wants, watch what she wants, and I gave her a name brand bag that I don't use anymore. She kept asking me about it the entire week when I mentioned she could *probably* have it. Then she had the nerve to ask for one of my belts for her new pants. I told her no. So I enabled her a bit with the bag. Now I'm not sure what to do about her greediness because her father has spoken to her and we can't get her mother to communicate with us what, if any, actions she's taken. She gets excited about what she gets for a few minutes to a day but then she's back to being ungrateful. She also uses my things without asking and having a talk with her is useless. She feels so entitled to everything. I also don't feel I should have to hide my things in my own home. So what would you do in my situation other than stop buying her things?

Answer 1

Acting like that would be o.k. if she were 4, but at 12 that is no longer acceptable. The cure is a little red hot butt, the medicine is an old fashioned hairbrush applied repeatedly.

Answer 2

we live in a very materialistic world.  try having a conversation with the girl and spending some quality time with her.  our American obsession with things is caused by our lack of connection with people.  stay out of the stores, quit buying "things", and show her how important she is.

Answer 3

Maybe on one of the shopping trips you can just buy the boys something, or at home have a chart and the chart for good behavior earns them a spending limit on what they can get, if she is greedy then her limit goes down. Eventually she may learn that if she wants  more she will have to earn it.

Answer 4

It sounds like she's a normal teenager (well, she's almost a teenager).

You should set down some ground rules about what she can have and when (ie: decide beforehand when you'll buy junk food - and either don't take her when you buy it, or take *all* the kids) or decide in advance when you'll buy the kids a treat.  Otherwise she will expect treats all the time.  If you decide beforehand (and decide on treats for everyone) then nothing will be a surprise and she cannot claim that it's not fair.  Set up a schedule.

Also, she's older than the other kids (?) so think about giving her some pocket money and she can become in charge of buying her own treats. She might also think that she's considered to be more "mature" than the other kids - having the responsibility that they don't have yet.

If giving her things (brand name bags etc) you should tell her she can have it after doing so much housework/chores.  Then she'll know that she just can't "get" things for nothing.

Answer 5

Remind her that she is not entitled to all these things for one.

Explain to her that some people have nothing then take her to a Homeless shelter to volunteer for a day to show her that it is true what your telling her.

Also just don`t buy her stuff whenever one of her siblings isn`t gettign anything either.

As for her Biological Mother she is and will likely continue to try and buy her things and fuel this behaviour in order to try to buy the childs favoritism.

Sadly there is nothing you can do about this exept try to curb her materialism and not give in to the my other mommy buys me stuff line.

Answer 6

What I would do is not buy her anything at all.  If she wants something or you do buy her something buy it cheap and if she has a problem with that she needs to earn her way for something better.  I have a 9 yr old daughter and I have already explained to her on multiple occasions that if she wants something bad enough she will have to do some chores and help me out with other things if she is to get it.  It seems to me that she is very spoiled.  Good luck with your situation.

Answer 7

First of all you are buying her way too much and she is not grateful. You do not have to buy kids things every shopping trip. My kids barely ever get anything and they do not expect anything. If I buy something they are so grateful. So stop buying her things and maybe give her $5 pocket money per week and if she wants something she needs to pay for it. This will make her realise that things cost money and there is a big difference between Want and NEED. She is spoilt and needs to learn to be grateful but you and your husband need to be in aggreement on what you decide to do. I am very thankful for my kids behaviour after reading this.

Answer 8

I would not let her have any treats by herself because it is unfair for her brothers to have to share and not her. She should also not be allowed to make decisions about how much she gets, it's your job to dole things out in equal amounts. Also, I would not buy her things or give her things besides what she needs, unless it's her birthday or Christmas, then she will learn the value of things and not be so ungrateful.

Answer 9

You're the adult in control here.

When she asks for something, or rather, demands it, tell her to stop being greedy and that she needs to appreciate what she has already got.

No doubt this will enrage her and she will throw a tantrum about how you're not her mom and blah blah blah.

I know this will hurt your feelings, but just shrug and say: "If im not your mom that means i do not have to buy and give these things for you."

That will get her stumped for ideas.

Also if she carries it on, ground her and cut off all money and treats and trips. She does not deserve treats until she learns to be grateful for what she recieves!

Good luck with her and remember, shes only acting like this because she knows she will get away with it!

Answer 10

Make sure she doesn't get her treat until everybody else does

You shouldn't give in her  like that,I had to earn what I had threw chores,doing yard work,and house work for people around the neighborhood.If it wasn't Christmas,my birthday,or a celebration of some sort then I had to work for it.

Money doesn't grow on trees,but you are acting like a money tree that just needs to be shaken a bit.