What should I do about my husband...please help quick!?

Question

My husband constantly buys "little" things with our debit card. He doesn't realize that $2 fifteen times per day adds up. He does this constantly and then I have to figure out how to balance our checkbook and pay bills. What should I do! I'm so sick of it. I have sat down and talked to him about it at least 30 times in 3 years. He admits it's stupid, but does it again. Even if I give him money, he'll spend that then start taking more out of the bank without letting me know. The big problem is I have to make things balance at the end of the month. He says he understands, but "just doesn't think."

Answer 1

I had the same exact problem! Ugh, men!!!!

I had him use a credit card instead of a debit card for one month. When we got the credit card bill, I showed it to him. He'd spent $200 in one month on *little* purchases like snacks and drinks at the gas station or whatever. $200!!!!! I had a much easier time balancing the checkbook that month, and once he realized how much he spent, he slowed down on all the silly spending, plus used cash more often.  

Answer 2

Separate the money. Yours, his, and the bills.

Answer 3

Make him balance the check book. Tell him either he stops what he is doing or he can manage the bills.

Answer 4

Give him his own account, take away your debit card, change your pin,and give him an allowance that he is able to spend. When you can trust him again, you can give the debit card back.If he is going to act like a kid in a candy store, he can be treated like one.  

Answer 5

He's not going to change. Take away the debit card.

Answer 6

well...the just doesn't think excuse is getting old especially since you two have discussed this issue. You may have to take the debit card away from him until he can learn to behave. My sister in law had the same problem and did just that and it worked. She even gave my brother a certain amount of money and advised him that it was for gas or for lunch or whatever he needed. Being that he had a limited amount of money he learned to be frugal and careful.  

Answer 7

Don't give him access to the debit card.

Answer 8

That was a problem in two of my relationships. The first time I was the offender. My then boyfriend got so frustrated he handed me all the bills, the check book, and the banking statement and said "good luck." After 3 months of struggling to make the account balance and get the bills paid, I grew up and started acting more responsibly. When my darling husband started that behavior a few months ago, I did the same thing to him. Now we have a budget and we only spend what we take out in cash as pocket money each week -- debit and credit cards stay at home unless we're going somewhere we will specifically need them. Would it be possible to try that with your husband?

Answer 9

Actually there are a few things that you could do .

And since he says he understands then he should be willing to do what it takes to break his little habit .

#1 If you have a debit card , take his and cut it up or at the very least hide all of them to where he can not find them .

#2 Again if he has his own card and you are not willing to cut the cards up put his card in an air tight water proof zip lock bag place it in a bowl of water and freeze it . By the time it thaws out he will have hopefully gave up on the idea .

#3 Put him on a strict weekly allowance until he gets in to the habit of spending more wisely . If he runs out of money tell him you are sorry but there is nothing you can do and that the next time he should think about what he spends .

I know all of this sounds crazy especially when he is an adult .

But if he is willing it may get him in to better spending habits .

Good luck .  

Answer 10

let him balance the check book for a couple of months that should get him out of the habit  

Answer 11

Have him cough up the debit card and learn to just live with the cash he gets.  He might be okay with this - after all, he admitted it's stupid.

Answer 12

i would take his card from him, and explain one more time to him how precious money is, he will get the point.

Answer 13

Listen., Open him up his own savings account with one mac card. Let him have that one mac card and THE END.  My husband & I have 2 accounts. WE HAVE NEVER had a fight over money...NEVER

Answer 14

Keep your money in two separate accounts - with your name on both since you manage the money, but his name on only one. On the account with his name, once a week deposit only what he needs for gas, lunch, etc. & maybe a few dollars extra so he feels like he has some freedom in his spending. In the other account put the bulk of your money needed for you to pay bills & manage the household expenses. Tell him that when he becomes more responsible In handling what he gets, then maybe he can eventually have access to the rest. My daughter did this with her husband willingly going along because he knew he needed help with this. It worked great - he even managed to save some. Her managing the account has now left them out of debt & with almost enough for a down payment on a house! Good luck! Just be very diplomatic when you approach him with this. Not all men are as easy-going as my son-in-law.

Answer 15

Your husband broke open his Piggy Bank when he was a kid after he put  two quarters in it./

Answer 16

lol I only laugh because my fiance is the same way with money. Tell him he has to balance everything for one month. Maybe he's not realizing just how bad it is because your the one dealing with it?

I hope things get better!

Answer 17

He'll be thinking when he has to find some place to stay when you kick him out! I could understand it sometimes but it sounds like he is careless, not forgetful. Tell him that you need the debt card..or credit card and that it is ruining your marriage. Or go to financial counseling. Show him the checkbook and let him see how frustrating it is. He obviously doesn't get it or just doesn't care. Good luck.

Answer 18

cut up the debit card and atm cards and all credit cards! give him a budget every week, if he spends it all at the begining of the week then too bad! he will learn to handle his money better! we had to do this because my husband and i would spend a little here and there and not tell each other, not to be mean or lie, just it would slip our minds and we were left wondering whre it all went! budget all your bills out that have to be paid everymonth, then make a groceryand gas budget for every week and for savings....all that kind of stuff...then any extra left over you can do with what you want,  

Answer 19

You've been a responsible spouse, and your husband should not be told, as you know, like 30 times for spending too much money.... There are many options the way you can handle it, and do what's right for you.

The way you describe him, i think he doesn't care. If you have to tell him over and over again... it's not good. When one spouse, in my opinion, takes money of the checking or whatever account you have in the bank... and doesn't tell you... how can you actually trust him?

   Option One: Have separate accounts... even though you are both partners, it seems as if he doesn't care... and he should, so you could either change everything to your/or his name. This may sound stupid, but consider it at least.

    Option two: It seems like your husband can't get the message... take all the savings/checking account to a brand new account in only your name. He couldn't get in to it, and if you think this will work for you-  take away is debt card, and give him cash... he can only spend that much.

     Option Three: Make him go see a counselor about his spending issues. It's his turn to start taking responsibilty, don't let him go with his bs about "i don't think." than make him pay for punishment. it sounds cruel, and mean, but if you are tired of having to put up with it... do it.

    Option four: If worst comes to worst, and you feel your husband is just a money-down-the-drain... you always figuring out the balance... and if the all of the above didn't work. You don't have to, but just a reminder... what about a divorce? Though you may love your husband deeply, i understand if you would feel tortured if you would think the word "divorce" and your husband. Consider and think things through.

I hope i helped!

Answer 20

I had the same problem, and I took my husbands debit card away because A) it doesn't help his credit and B) I gave him a credit card to use that way I could do online checking and balance everything out easier by making small payments. Honestly, debit card doesn't help anybody it's just convenient.  

Answer 21

Open a special account for him and limit how much he gets...keep the other funds away from it.

Answer 22

Open another account and let him put whatever money he wants in there and get his own debit card so that it doesn't touch your bill paying money.

One a side personal note: he sounds like a CHILD. Thoughtless, ignorant, selfish... and like he doesn't understand that you are his WIFE not his freaking mother. Why do you need to be the only responsible adult here? This would make me really nuts... like moving out nuts! lol

**EDIT**

And for the one who said her fiance is like this... understand that you will need to put up with that FOR THE REST of your married life....ugh

Answer 23

The only thing you can do is ask him for his card so he does not have access.

Answer 24

Get sepreate accounts.

Answer 25

That's a problem, what I suggest is take away his debit card.

Answer 26

TAKE THE DEBIT CARD AWAY FROM HIM.OR LET HIM DEAL WITH THE BILLS.

Answer 27

separate accounts, one for the bills one for spending

Answer 28

This may sound silly but take him debut card away from him and give him like $100.00 for his wallet. That should last him awhile and anything big purchases can be made together. Just ask if you can try if out until he gets in the habbit of using cash rather than a debut card! Crazy men!! lol they just don't understand all the work we do ...

Answer 29

Get a seperate account and just give him the money to pay the bills.  He will realize what he is doing is costing you financially when he is overdrawn and has that responsibility.  My husband had ruined our joint account doing this and it didn't matter how many times i told him.  But you don't want to jepordize your credit for his irresponsibility.

Answer 30

He might have some form of OCD. Maybe he should go to the doctor.