What should I do about my husband?

Question

Me and my hubby have been married for almost a year. We got married two months into my pregnancy. We used to party, drink, and smoke pot allot before I got pregnant. Then after I got pregnant I stopped all that stuff, but he kept doing it. I moved into his parents house with him. BTW I was only 18, and he 20. Anyway, He used to work and I used to sit at home all the time doing nothing, but wait for him to return back home. When he would return home, he would stay with me for 30 min. and then leave with his buddies. He would come home around 12 every night all drunk or high. All I would do is get mad and argue with him every day, but not at first though, like 2 or 3 months into our marriage. Then we would start arguing not only because of that, but every other reason. We still made up our differences cause by the end of the day we loved each other very much. He's not only bad person. He'd give me everything I want or need, and cared for me, and treated me very good, when he was at home. so I figured out that I shouldn't leave him and wait out to see if he's going to change his ways. He's not a cheater or anything so keep that in mind. I know that 4sure!!! So now that we had our baby he still does the same things. Not around the baby but whenever he can. He'd ask me every night if he can go out with his friends and I say no, he still does it. eventually I got so tired of it, so I moved back to my parents house. He's perfectly fine with it, even likes it more because there's no bitchy wife and no crying baby, only when he wants. That's NO FAMILY!!! What should I do? Should I leave him or stay? Or try to change him? Or is it my faut? Please Help! What should I do. But keep in mind that I'm 19 now and have his kid and depend on him!

Answer 1

My dad gave me the best advice ever... he said 'honey, people marry with the intent to grow.  The hope is to grow together, in your case you grew and he didn't.'  Let him be the man that he isn't going to be and you be the mom you only know how to be.  But get out while you can and your baby isn't too influenced by his bad behaviors.

Answer 2

Wow, I think if you read your question, you'll know the answer.  It's not about him coming home or hanging out with his friends, it's about you.  You have to get him interested in you again.  Find a hobby, find a friend.  Find a job.  Don't be so dependant.  He will slowly come around wondering why you're not pining for him anymore.  :)

Answer 3

That seems like some BS that he cant accept the fact that he had a child with you yet he still wants to act like a kid himself.If you dont see the relationship goin anywhere then u should just leave him.And as to your baby,he would have to pay child support.But dont let yourself continually be hurt because that in turn could affect your child,and im pretty sure thats the last thing you want happening.

Answer 4

The first five years of my marriage were similar to yours right now. I hung on and so  can you.  You had to grow up early and he is just not feeling that for himself yet.  He is very young just as you are.  If he has goals in life and motivation he will probably mature and get moving the right way.  Unfortunately it could be a while before he wakes up. I would highly recommend that you find a career path so that if you do end up a single parent you can support you and baby.  a stay at home mom may not be in the cards you were dealt. I'm not suggesting that you leave him I'm only suggesting that you have something to fall back on. You and your baby deserve a good life so give this marriage everything you got but have your eyes open and prepare yourself.

I hung on and have now been married 18yrs. I am so glad that I did the road was rough at first it was so worth it.  

Take care  

Answer 5

Sounds like you have already left him...it's his call now.

Answer 6

He is still a boy not capable of making decisions that a man would make,unfortunately for some maturity only comes with time,your not going to change him and he does not have the capacity to be a father yet so I would say move on and try it on your own without him,he is a young idiot who will only complicate your life more than it is now

Answer 7

you are young and he is acting like the kid... moving out didnt change anything so i guess you are better off alone.

Answer 8

Your dealing with a BOY here and what you and your child need is a MAN. Your a parent now and have done some growing up because of it but he hasn't. Do yourself and your child a favor and find a responsible person to go through life with.  

Answer 9

I think that you guys got married at a young age.  Both of ya'll liked to party before you got pregnant and you were the one to carry the child and grow up faster of coarse with responsibility.  So take that into consideration.  

Don't blam yourself!  

He's young....Long story short he isn't ready to grow up but OH WELL!!!  He choose to live his life with you for good or bad and I think you to should work it out.

Don't let him live life how he wants to!  When he married you, you became his life and his best friend so all that hanging out has got to go!!!  Talk to him and just get some counseling b/c he needs the help.

Answer 10

This is not your fault....he doesn't want the responsibilities of being married.  If he is there for your child that is a good thing and he should be paying support however I think it is obvious he is not ready to settle down.  You just need to find someone trustworthy to watch the baby once in a while so you can get a break and go out and enjoy yourself.  No reason your husband cannot take on that responsibility the odd time since he doesn't have to do it on a daily basis.

Answer 11

If he wasnt going to change then he would have made an effort by now, and expecially if he cared about ur baby. I would seriously think about leaving him you have a baby to raise and think of you dont need another one. You say you live with your parents. Ask them for help and see if you can make it on your own. Ask him for help also if he refuses then take him to court, it sounds harsh, but he help make that baby he can sure help pay for it too. Good Luck. You should do what makes you feel right. You have you and your baby now to think about not just him!! A baby is forever, a man is not!

Answer 12

Thats tough.

Are his friends all males or females? What does he do with them, everyday?

You say that he has been "caring" but in the end you say that he "fine" with your moving out.

Well, have you communicated your feelings thoroughly? If you haven't, then you should do it. If you have been trying to constrain him or let him feel so, then that might be the reason why he is at it more than he should. The only option is to allow him his pleasures but let him know that you would love having him around for sometime everyday or at least most of the days.

However, I feel that communication is the key. Don't blow it in anger. But be cool and charming and talk it out.Since he is coming to see you you can talk with him and let him know how wonderful you would be to live with him.  Both of you are very young. So remember that any decision taken now should not make you regret later.

Answer 13

He's not going to change and you don't need two kids (him AND the baby).  Hit him for child support, file for divorce and go to school to get some education so you can support yourself.  He needs to grow up but you don't need to waste your life waiting on him.