What should I do about my relationship? I'm haitian, he's american.?

Question

I am haitian and I have been dating an african american man for about 2.5 years now. He is the sweetest guy but his father left him when he was young and he was raised by his mom and grandma. Now the same thing happened to the grandma ( raised his mother without a father) I have many fears in this relationship. 1) I don't want a repeat type scenario since he has no fatherly example. 2) Not to be rude, but I feel like some of his family is very ghetto and hood-like and it annoys me because I wouldn't want my children growing up in this environment. 3) there is a culture clash where my haitian community is having alot of trouble mixing with them and 4) we have tiny disagreements on how we would raise children for example, I want to let my daughter choose whether to pierce her ears or not, he doesn't, wht age is ok to start dating,...minor things like that. I say all this to say.what should I do? Are these good enough reason to break about with him or should I just pick my battles? Please help, because i'm losing sleep over this...

Answer 1

It is my experience that in situations like this you have to answer this for yourself...I know it would help to see the answer you want to hear and feel the justification that you are not alone and that you're right but it's  your life and therefore your decision.  As far as being scared about him being a responsible father,  you are justified in feeling nervous, all you can do is talk to him about your fears and if he can settle your heart then go with it.  Go with your heart on everything.   As far as  how to raise your children, there may come a time in your children's lives where you two can compromise or share the same feelings but being that it's this early and  you cannot come to agreements, I would put more thought into that.  Talk to him more and see how deep your different parenting styles go.  Ultimately I think you'll know in your heart that everything fits right and if you're having doubts now talk them out with him and see where you stand.  If you still don't feel comfortable I would say it's better to part ways rather then end up having children and falling apart then..

Answer 2

I'm sure that you can work these minor issues out if you love each other enough. If you do love each other, then the whole thing about your cultures not getting along shouldn't matter anymore... what anyone else thinks about your relationship doesn't matter either. It's about you and him. Think hard about whether he is the man you want to build a future with.