What should I do about the father of my child?

Question

I cant stand him. He has cheated on me and has hardly been there for me. He says it my fault I got pregnant. And its a shame because i'm due on tuesday. I first I thought I wanted to make him feel as bad as I do. But my friends brought up a good point and said if I act vindictive and b*tchy that he will only hate me. And thats not what I want, I just want him to feel like the biggest s***w up in the world. Im going to drop off his things that were at my house. And I was also going to take the 2 pairs of shoes, (the only things he bought the baby), and leave them there too. Do you think I should give them back to him? Just to show him how I feel. Also, im not going to call him when I go into labor, but I was thinking about sneding him a picture of the baby in a text and saying something like, "guess who?". What do you think I should do? Should I just act how I am now and keep telling him how it is, or should I just leave him alone all together?

Sorry I know this is long, so just one more thing. I'm not giving the baby his last name, but I will be putting him on child support. Will not having his last name make it harder? They can just do a DNA test right?

Answer 1

Hi, wow...that's wierd I'm in the same exact boat you are in except I'm due in a month. Trust me, I have thought the way you were thinking but the best thing to do is leave him alone. Put the babies last name under yours, keep the baby things that he had gotten (you'll need it). And another thing, who cares if he hates you, look at what he has done to you ...the best thing to do is look forward act like you don't care. And when he comes running back, let him know that he messed up. He wont be there to see the greatest thing about having a baby. Like their first words, when they walk, the funny cute little things they do. It'll come to him when the baby is here, I just know it. It will be another thing on his list that he will regret. He may act a certain way now, but you just wait.

If you still have feelings for him.. take down any pictures of him, find things to keep you occupied, don't call or text him. You should probably call him when the baby is born but if you chose not to...he'll find out in the paper. (since he acts like its your fault). You can do this on your own. What are you having and is this your first child?

Answer 2

Will not having his last name make WHAT harder? What's with the DNA test? That came out of nowhere. Are their questions regarding paternity?

In any case, I think you should kill him with kindness and treat him like a father -- treat him like the father you would want for your child. I WOULD call him when you go into labor. I WOULD keep the things he bought for your baby. Do everything you would do if he was the man of your dreams. Give him every opportunity to be a parent, and if he doesn't accept, then not only should he feel like a big s***w up, he will actually be a big s***w up and he'll have no excuses whatsoever. If you play hardball with him, he can always say "I want to be a father, but my ex is blah, blah, blah." Don't give him a reason to be pointing his finger at you.

Answer 3

Chile' Sapote' gurl!  MmmHmmm!

Answer 4

Even if he doesnt have his last name if his name is on the birth certificate then he will have to pay child support

I would NOT give the baby shoes back because then if he doesnt buy the baby anything after he/she is born and you call him out on it he will just say "well you just gave the shoes back so why do you care" Dont use the baby in this at all. If you dont watn to takl to him then dont but things that have to do with the baby you need to inform him about until he says "I DONT CARE" but id call when your giving birth so he has the opprotunity to be there for the baby. you might hate him but give him a chance to be there for the baby. if he screws up then fine. but your baby has the right to have a father figure.

Answer 5

Get rid of him, if he denies he is the father, he should pay the DNA test.  Go after him for support.  If he is a real jerk and doesn't know how to be a father but wants to be involved in the child's life, remember 1) to get physical legal custody, joint legal (so he is responsible for any legal issues down the road) and 2) have him have supervised visits.

Answer 6

one life, live it. u dont need him. trust me, iv been there.

let him chace you. good look.

Answer 7

the baby's last name has no effect on child support its very common any more.

try not to be childish with whatever you decide to do, because someday you may regret it.

Keep your cool!

Answer 8

I f you want this dad to be any part of this babies life then I wouldn't make war with him. you will have to deal with him for the rest of your life. It won't be good for your child if you guys don't get along. I would make up your mind now before they baby is here if you want him apart of this or not cause the only person that's going to suffer is your baby.. talk to your mom or another adult about what you want to do..congrat on your baby and good luck.. remember every choice you make from now is going to affect your child so make good choices

Answer 9

I found out as an adult that my birth certificate bore my mother's maiden name and it hasn't made my life any different.  I'm sorry you're involved with this immature scum but you probably should give the baby his name and maintain whatever relationship you can manage with him as he has a lifelong obligation to this person that he helped create.  It might help him mature.  But with his attitude you have no obligation to interweave your life with his except for his financial obligation to the child.  Rock his world -- he doesn't deserve an escape route.

Answer 10

sounds like he is nervous, he is probably going through a lot too and that is how he handles it which is not the best way but be patient. ask him to be there when the baby comes to be at your side and see what happens, when he first hears his baby's cries and see his baby for the first time maybe he will feel more confident. and maybe you two will be able to talk after the baby goes to get the tests done and  into the nursery with the other babies to let you rest. then you just figure out things from there, it is better to talk to him when everything is calm then texting him or something when you both are angry with each other. if he was sweet before this happened and you two loved each other i think you should at least try this because pregnancy is a big change and puts both parents, ready or not, in a lot of stress and things might be said that didn't mean to be said.

Answer 11

Honey, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Unfortunately, I can relate.

When I was pregnant, my boyfriend cheated on me several times, and acted as though it wasn't a big deal although it was tearing my heart out. He resented all things pregnancy related, and accused me of purposely stopping my birth control, even though I would never do such a thing. He even accused me of having cheated on him with a friend of his and getting pregnant by him. Ridiculous.

It was a horror story, and I understand how horrible it must be making you feel.

I too, wanted him to feel as disgusting as he was for doing the things he was doing. In my experience, everything I did to try to make him feel worse had no effect whatsoever and I ended up feeling even more crushed.

Try having a deep, face-to-face-discussion with him and relay to him all of your feelings, and if there is no change or reaction,

then proceed with the returning of his things, and act as though you don't need him. Be as seemingly strong and independant as possible so you don't come off as desperate, although I'm sure that you're not.

As for the child support thing, I'm sure it will be a battle, but I believe you will be doing the right thing by demanding he take responsibility, because it is in No way "YOUR" fault for being pregnant. It takes two people to create a baby, and whether or not he's happy about it, he was 50 percent responsible for your baby's creation..

Just do whatever you think will be in the best interest of your unborn child, and always be thinking of its happiness ahead of your own.

You're going to make it through this rough patch, and you'll emerge a stronger woman.

Oh, and I think a judge will understand why you wanted your child to have YOUR last name instead of his and it shouldn't make things more complicated.

Good luck, honey. And congratulations on your soon-to-be-baby, :)

I hope everything works out.

Answer 12

I think you can say more with silence in this case. Be glad that the low life is gone.

Answer 13

IF YOU HATE THIS GUY THEN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH HIM. NOW WHAT  YOU NEED TO DO IS WHATS RIGHT FOR THIS BABY, DON'T USE IT, TO GET BACK AT THIS GUY IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE IN ITS LIFE SO BE IT.

Answer 14

it will make it harder as without a dna there is no proof and I'm not sure they will do a dna, also i would just drop his stuff off and go have your baby and be happy you don't need someone like that, and if you act bitchy he will only go round saying look see whats she is like that's why i left her and you will look the bad one out of the 2, you have your baby to think about and wont have the time of day for him, he will be the sorry one in the end, hope all works out for you in the future x

Answer 15

keep things that he gave to his child but between you and him i think you should give him all of his **** back better throw them away... i ****** hate people that take children so little... **** just forget about him hes a r****d relive ur life BE HAPPY! =]