What should I do about this deadbeat dad?

Question

My son is 10 years old. His father moved to New York then to Minnesota to avoid paying child support. He has been gone for 4 years and owes approximately $80,000 in arrears. I don't speak to him on the phone because all he does is try to bully me. However, he sends me lengthy emails full of only personal attacks about me and my family. One attorney advised me to respond to his emails warning him to get to the point in the first two sentences or be cut off. Another attorney said that I don't have to say anything since he is in no way helping to support my son. Which should I do?

Answer 1

You don't owe an emotional abuser anything.  He owes you both money for his child's care, and some basic courtesy and respect as the mother of his child.

Keep a record of how he behaves.  Try not to get involved with his mean and unhealthy games.  Find an attorney or agency that will help you recover that money you are owed.

At some point, you might want a restraining order against him which would legally control his access to you.  

Focus on taking good care of yourself and your son and try to make the best life you can for yourselves.  Maybe you should count your blessings that you have some distance from the father...

Answer 2

There is a national organization that goes after dead beat parents.  They ore not government and are able to get to things the gov can not.  They don't collect any money until they get money from the delinquent  parent.  And then it is a very small percentage  Look up child support on the internet    I can't think exactly what it is called right now.  

Next problem  You don't want to lose contact.  I don't mean you have to respond to his bull but don't do anything to stop it yet.  He thinks he has you in control but in reality he is keeping you up to date on his where abouts and that will help this agency find him and get from him everything and anything they can.   I took my ex to court for contempt due to non payment of child support.  It cost me over $700.  I won sort of Yes I got a judgment he spent 30 days in jail,  and the order says that for every thirty days he is in the rears it is another 30 days in jail.  All fine and dandy  but to enforce it I have to file the  contempt charges again and again and again  and pay the fees each time.  This agency works with the court orders and judgments and anything else and they do get results.   But for sure you do not have to say anything to HIM.  record what you can keep any and all information you get from him  It will all work against him in the end.  Good luck

Answer 3

send him to the pin

My parents are divorced to and I've seen both sides of the problem and my dad almost went to jail because hes was in really really bad debt.

But of course now hes in jail because of DWI hes going to miss my bday

Answer 4

I can relate to your situation 110%.  But its up to you which option you should take. I personally like the first attorneys advice about telling him to get to the point in the first sentence. But, given his track record, it doesn't sound like that would be possible for him to do. Maybe you should just write him and tell him,  "Talk is cheap, start doing, quit talking". I don't think talking to him will resolve a thing. He's upset about his situation (that HE put himself in) and he's taking it out on you. I can guess that dealing with him, even just in  e-mails is very emotionally draining for you, so I would tell him you don't want him to contact you anymore unless its through the courts. Good luck.  

Answer 5

I'd save every single email he has sent, in a separate folder, in case he starts something legally. Then block his emails and change my phone number.

Answer 6

what is it you want to do?  do you want to go after the back child support?  do you want him out of yours and your son's lives permanently?  Decide what it is you want and then contact a lawyer to help you get what you want.

if you want to go after the money then do it (garnish his wages, put him in jail for nonpayment, go after his tax refund, etc) and you have the option of either ignoring his bullying emails or emailing him and telling him to get to the point or just don't send anything (you do it once and then you save all emails on hard copy in case he's making threats).

if you want him out of your lives then you tell the lawyer you want him to surrender his rights to your son and to sweeten the deal you won't have him jailed for nonpayment of the child support and that you will pass on the back child support.  But that it means he has no further contact with you and your son.

decide what you want and act accordingly.