What should I do about this kid (my daughter's aquaintance)?

Question

There is an girl my daughter goes to school with. They dont play much together but they are on the same softball team. This child is really unsupervised & will call our phone & without even identifying herself say, "Hi is this Lexi's mom? Could you pick me up for softball?" I asked my daughter if she offered & she insists no, that the girl must have gotten our # from the school directory that is sent home w/ all of the students-

anyway, I really dont want my daughter hanging out with this girl. She is unsupervised, rude, and gets into mischief. I feel bad, though, not agreeing to pick her up. Is it awful if I make up an excuse to not pick her up?

Answer 1

Tell her you can't because your the type that llike to meet a childs parents otherwise you're unconfortable.

Answer 2

I would pick her up and be a little nosy on a sly to see whats going on with her homelife. It sounds like the girl does not have good parents. maybe you can help her or benefit her in some kind of way. I would not put up with rudeness though, in  a subtle way I'd have to let her know how my family rolls, and what behavior I expect from a child. However, see whats going on, the poor girl probably has some dysfunction at home!

Answer 3

if she is a minor and calling you (and adult) for a ride i wouldnt pick her up without talking to her parents first. you could get in trouble if something were to happen to her under your supervision without her parents permission for you to take her somewhere. your child is your responsibility and if you feel that girl will be a bad influence on your daughter i wouldnt allow my daughter to associate with her. as far as her calling your house i would call her parents and tell them shes not allowed to call your house and if she continues just block her number so she cant call anymore.

Answer 4

jeez i think to avoid hurting the girl's feelings & to keep yourself away from liability, I would just put her calls on the reject list or let her go straight to voice mail.

Answer 5

You are perfectly reasonable to not like this girl even if she is a child and is parented differently. Whoever said that you should like someone just because he or she is a child? Don't listen to people who think that you shouldn't butt in to your children's friendships, you are the parent. That 's part of your job. Friends have a lot of influence over kids and if you believe this girl is a bad influence you are doing what's right for your daughter. She is your first and utmost concern, not this other girl. Saying something insulting to her parents like asking them for money to "taxi" their daughter isn't really good advice. It's inflammatory and will make them defensive. And if this girl does have a bad home life, you risk the parents taking it out on her. A good way for a good kid to start getting into trouble is hanging out with the wrong people and sometimes it's necessary to intervene in a friendship to protect your child. It's not awful at all to make up an excuse. However, if you were direct and said that it's inappropriate to ask you when you don't know her or her parents, it might be a good dose of reality for the girl. Be polite, but frank. If I were in your position, I wouldn't want my daughter to hang out with her and pick up her bad habits either. Your number one priority is your daughter and while trying to help the other girl out is noble, it could be at your daughter's expense. Don't ever feel bad about being a good protective parent and don't let anyone else make you feel bad. Too bad more parents don't have their own children's best interests at heart like you do.

Answer 6

lolz don't worry with a 12 years old girlie :) tehe

if ur in the mood to pick her up..go 4 it

if not..find an excuse..its easy :)

Answer 7

It takes a community to raise a child..... If in fact this child is so unsupervised why not offer her a bit of guidance on the way to the softball games. If in fact your child is what you deem supervised , she has taken to decent parenting but don't teach your child bad manners by treating a child rudely because maybe her mother hasn't taught her proper social skills  Not everyone is as well trained as your  child obviously...

Answer 8

im not a mom, but there was a kid a really long time ago that was the exact same way towards my mom. she would call the house on sundays when we were going to church and sometimes even at 6 in the morning to ask me to play. finally, my mom called the girl's mother and sorted it out. making an excuse is never horrible as long as it's believeable. if things get out of hand, maybe you could talk to the mother. if that's not an option, i don't have any other advice. good luck!

Answer 9

Maybe she likes you, and her homelife is a bit rough. Although at the same time, she kind of sounds like that girl from the movie "Thirteen", who in the end is a big ol' hypocrite. Why don't you pick her up once, and try to make a conversation with her. You may find that maybe she's just amazing and needs a little guidance. And you may also feel at the end of the conversation, that you don't like her, and then you don't need to pick her up. But I say, give her a chance before you blow her off.

Answer 10

Of course not!. This girl has the cheek of the devil!. How rude and disrespectful to take it upon herself to ask another childs mum to pick her up!!. Too forward. Tell your daughter to back off gently.

If she phones you again say, "well, really it is up to your mum to see to those arrangements, I am sorry I can't help you"

Flippin cheek!

DM has put my thoughts much more clearly!

Answer 11

if the child is not a nice person. just let your daughter know you love her and that she deserves to be hanging around with

better people .tell her if you didn't care about her  you wouldn't

care

Answer 12

If you have never offered to pick her up and she calls you ask her if her parents are going to pay you to taxi her to practice.  As for as butting into your child's relationships, it's never a good idea to do so.  Your daughter is learning how to choose her friends and even the ones you don't like offer a learning expierence for the child.  All three of my kids have friends I don't like however I would never tell my children not to remain friends with them based upon the fact that they are parented differently than I parent my kids.  This girl's parents have every right to parent their child their way just because you don't like their way is no reason to not like the child.

Answer 13

Well, I have been the mother in your shoes, and perhaps the child has a mom who is working two jobs, or is stressed in some other way that makes her less-than-attentive.

It sounds like this child might need an understanding shoulder and some guidance about what is and is not acceptable.

You SHOULD get permission from her mom to be transporting her,  and that might clue you in to whether or not she is having problems.

You and your daughter could really make a difference in this girl's life.

Answer 14

As much as you may want to help, you also don't want a little kid to manipulate you and once you start helping you set a precedent. I would get in touch with her parents and try to tell them that she is phoning you to fetch her and try to find out from them if they can make alternative arrangements to have her fetched by someone else if they can't do it. Maybe the kid wants to come over to play by your house and is not yet mature enough to ask, so she is using another ploy. I don't allow my children to do this to me, so I definitely would not allow another persons child to do this to me.

Answer 15

She's just another child, maybe you're juding a little. Think about it, she can't be horrible. If she calls again just say, "Hmm, you know, I really don't know. Maybe if I could talk to your mother we could work something out." So you're not hurting her feelings. You don't want to snub her with a 'my daughter's to good for her' attitude. Also, if your daughter likes her then you might have to grow up and deal. If not, it'll fix itself.

No offense, but you sound like your jugding the child because of the sitiuation, not her character. Give her a chance, she might be a lovely girl. She might be the friend your daughter needs.

Answer 16

This kindof sounds like me in a way. When i was younger my mom and dad werent always around and i had to call parents of friends to go to my practices and to get rides to school... it took a lot of guts to do that. I was unsupervised much of my childhood and my teen years but i was never rude to the parents...

i kinda feel bad for her, she doesnt have the parents to set the rules for her... idk what you should do???

i know how it feels tho, show a little compasion...

good luck and i understand your frustration

Answer 17

i don't know, she could b tryin to mess with ya, but i suspect it runs much deeper than that.  Remember don't judge her to harshly, let he who has no sin cast the first stone, plus it takes a villiage. especially in this day and age.

Answer 18

maybe she envies you as a mother,if hers isnt around.i try and be the mother i wanted,so i sometimes show extra compassion.perhaps she hasnt been taught how to behave.i know i wouldnt want to be punished for the sins of my parents.set a good example to your child and teach them empathy.explain that you feel badly for the girl because her mom doesnt take as much time with her.i had the same such case,and i invited the child somewhere i could supervise the kids and i could tell it meant so much to the kid.it made me feel good.imagine being the kid who's parents are never around,or the kid not being invited places etc.

Answer 19

I would just hang up the phone with the mindset "don't even waste my time."  And I would look into your daughter's claim that your phone number was published and distributed, if that's the case and you have their printout, I might consider bringing suite against the school.  #1 If that is indeed true, the school has no right to publish your phone # in any way shape or form without your concent.  If its not true, you need to have a talk with your daughter.  I wouldn't stand for any of this c**p and you shouldn't either, it sets bad precedence and portrayes you as being weak to your child.  You don't want to do that.  You want to set a stern example for her by not accepting any lies or things done behind your back.

Answer 20

talk to her mom, its her responsibility not yours

Answer 21

No, it's not your resbonsibility to pick up another persons child, talk to her mother, say you don't want her phoning you. Don't feel guilty, it shouldn't have happend.

Answer 22

Tell the girl you will not do anything for her because you feel uncomfortable not knowing her parents.  

Still, I'm blunt.  I'd just tell her no.

Answer 23

I don't think you should make an "exuse" -- I think you should tell her that you can not drive children places with out a request from the parent due to liability issues.  Then if/when her parent calls you tell them that you have to charge $8 each day she needs a ride due to increasing gas costs.  You won't have to say "no" they will say "no for you.