I feel like there is no one else I can go to about this. My mother doesn’t want to get involved and I don’t speak to my father. My aunt is her mother and my other aunt has heard this before and they don’t do anything. So, my cousin and I are 7 months apart in age. When we were young, we were very close. She, her mother, brother, step dad, step brother and sisters moved to Chicago for his work. I was 17 when she moved. She made a life there and forget all her friends and me. She never called me or wrote me. I had to do all that. I got fed up and stopped contacting her. Occasionally my mother and I visited her family and when we did she was so happy to see me. We would talk for hours and eat ice cream and watch movies. It was nice. We were best friends again. She would complain about how much she hated her step sisters. How annoying they were and she didn’t want anything to do with them. Then she and her boyfriend of 1 year and a few months were pregnant. It was a mistake and the family wanted her to get an abortion. I thought it was great, but she was only 22. My mother was 20 when she had me, so they had something else in common to hang over my head. Bitter am I? Maybe since she was my mother’s dream child and I was a disaster. My cousin was the cheerleader; the pretty girl; skinny, funny, who had many friends and boyfriends. Never even got a C in school, never flinched, no flaws, no nothing. I was the outcast, the loser, the liar. I went through klepto faze when I was younger that I outgrew. I know it was bad, but no father, a mother who spoiled me constantly with material things instead of the proper attention I needed. Yeah, I was the problem child of the family. They put her up on a pedi-stool. So, now pregnant and with a loving boyfriend, who was accepted right away in the family, they did what any one would. They were married in March of 07. She was so excited. She made me the maid of honor. We were, after all, best friends. Then one day I get a call from my aunt, her mom. I told her how excited I was about being her maid of honor. She was confused because she said that my cousin’s two step sisters were her maid of honors and told me to call my cousin to confirm. I did and she told me that her step father was paying for her wedding, so it was like she had no choice. And after all they were her sisters! She also wasn’t sure if I could pay for it all, so she took the “responsibility†away from me. I was very angry and hurt. But I kept it hidden. How wonderful it is to be in that position to know that I really meant something to her. Then behind my back, she makes it someone else because of peer pressure. But of course she didn’t want to leave me out. Oh no. So, she had me be a bride’s maid. My aunt made that possible for me. At first I refused. But my aunt pleaded with me. She even bought my dress. So, I did it and I did something else for her. I sang. She wanted me to sing our grandmother’s favorite song. My grandmother passed away when we were young. About year later, we got into an on-line fight about each other not accepting one another’s life. My bf stepped in and her husband stepped in. Bad things were said. She had told me that “my bf and I are lazy and not mature and she’s mature because she had a baby and got married.†My boyfriend graduated top of his class with a bachelor’s degree, with honors, in science and art. Lazy? Hmm... Nope. His parents gave him a choice, school or work. He chose school and now he’s working, not what he wanted to do, but he has a chance at a job with a great salary until he can find something in his field. She thinks I’m lazy because I work and that’s it. I see. I had to drop out of college because I took too many hard courses at once while working and I couldn’t handle it. I’ll go back someday. The way she talks about my boyfriend is so wrong. He is the nicest person I know. He would bed over back wards for me. He is working to support us. Right now we’re living with his parents and come next year we will be out on our own. She had to move out and into an apartment, but now they are living at her mom’s house to save for their own house.
So, it’s current and she still hates my boyfriend. She came over to spend time and all she did was say how bad my boyfriend is and that he is a loser. I deserve better. That’s her “outside opinion.†I think she sticks her outside opinion where it doesn’t belong and when people do that to her that’s when it matters. So, I got fed up. In an e-mail I wrote to her that she was jealous of my life. I had no baby and I’m 22. I can do what I want. She e-mailed me back. “Jealous? Ha! I graduated beauty school….twice. I have a career, you have a job!†(I work for a law firm, by the way. I’m a clerk.) “I have a husband and a baby, you have loser boyfriend. Why would I ever be jealous of you? Oh and if you ever throw my baby back in my face I’ll beat the c**p out of you.â€Â
I wanted to write her back, but my bf wouldn’t let me. He said that she takes all logic out of everything and I don’t know when to let her yip yip out in the yard. I thought of talking to my mom, but she didn’t want to get involved and now my aunt has passed away and my cousin and I have to see each other for the memorial.
I wanted to maybe write her an e-mail about how I felt, but my bf thought it would do no good, “You are too nice and caring. You are all heart. She is no heart and a very mean person. Don’t bother. She won’t listen.†It’s not about revenge or being mean back to her. It hurts me that my own family can treat me so badly.
What should I do?
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