What should I do about this tricky work situation? I feel offended and uncomfortable...

Question

I work in what many employees have told me is a very sexist workplace. I am the only girl working in my department and a lot of times the guys from other departments come to talk to the guys in my departments and a lot of the time they talk about hot girls, or strippers, or p**n stars. Usually I am okay with it but it's getting to be too much, they're like a bunch of fifteen year olds. They can sometimes be graphic in what they talk about and as a woman it makes me really uncomfortable. I think if they want to they should talk about that stuff on their own time not at work. My boyfriend says I should just tell them that it makes me uncomfortable and that I want them to stop but I'm afraid to because a few of the guys who take part in the lewd discussions are my bosses/superiors. And it's a very joking work atmosphere so I'm afraid that they'd just laugh at me or make fun of me. I'm not some feminist or anything, I just want to feel comfortable at work!

Answer 1

I don't know if it could be considered sexual harassment.  They are not attacking you personally.  They are talking about hot girls, strippers, and p**n stars.  What is actually going on is that they are stepping over the boundary between joking and unprofessional behavior.  Rather than get serious, maybe you can try saying things like "Eww, guys, do you have to talk about that here?  I don't want to hear about another woman's boobies.  Some people are trying to work here."  Or start asking them about the size of the guy's p***s in the latest p**n movie.  Unless they are g*y, that will make them scurry.  

You may be stuck with it though.  Some behaviors in some workplaces are just accepted.  You can talk to HR, but they are probably well aware of the problem.  I still don't think the sexual harassment arguement will fly though.

Answer 2

Report it to your boss and document it what you say and when. That proves that you filed a complaint. Once he hears the complaint he has to do something about it. Also type a formal letter about the issue and send copies to your own e-mail, your boy friend and another supervisor. That way he has proof that you notified others.

Answer 3

It is about being treated with RESPECT!  If you don't demand it, you won't be getting it...  State how you feel, in a manner that tells them you are OK with any other type of chatter, but not the degrading of women or giving out too much info about the lastest girl they've just "hit"...  If I were you, I just speak up & say "hey, I really don't want to hear this stuff, ok??"  The next time they do it, get up & take a break.  It will take a few times & they may even poke fun at you saying. "oh, wait Susie can't handle this type of talk".  This is when you smile and say, Thank you gentlemen!!!  It will take a few times, but not many...  

Stand up for who you are - if you don't who will?

Answer 4

I  agree with Lingua66.   I think asking them to move this type of conversation out of your earshot is very fair  and reasonable for everyone concerned.  

Answer 5

Jokes or no jokes what they are doing is offensive. Making nasty comments about a woman in front of a woman is just as bad as making racist comments in front of the person who belongs to that race of people.

It is unprofessional, rude and i imagine intolerable. If you feel comfortable talking to at least one of the fellows in the group - tell him how you feel and ask that he politely ask the guys to quit in your defense but without letting them know you complained.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to either of them - off to human resources you go immediately...........

If you don't stop it now they'll assume you like it and it'll only get worse.........

Good luck!

Answer 6

Firmly interrupt with a "Gentlemen, this subject matter seems inappropriate to the workplace. Please either change the subject or take the conversation somewhere private." And yes, this sort of lewd "dirty boy talk" most certainly IS sexual harrassment. It's called "creating a hostile work environment" -- that is, making the workplace such that an entire class of people (women) are distressed and uncomfortable.

If it continues, then take written notes on who said what and when. Give you boss a COPY and ask him how you should deal with the situation. Keep in mind that your main concern isn't your personal discomfort (or your sense of righteous outrage) but the fact that your productivity is diminished and this is unfair to your employer.

If the boss (and the boss's supervisor and so on) aren't helpful, then contact you local chapter of the NOW. They will know what agency in your community can best advise you.  

Answer 7

You need to talk to HR.  There was a man that made a sexist comment in our office about one of the girls who I worked with and sexual harassment emails went out the next day.  He was eventually fired.  If this is a stand-up company, they will nip it in the bud.  It won't be long before these guys start making suggestive comments about you.  You may want to let them know how you feel first, and if nothing happens - take it to HR.  You don't need to work in those conditions.

Answer 8

I think you may be overreacting. it may be inappropriate and shame on them for not being conscious enough to be aware of their surroundings but as long as they are not directing anything towards you then you shouldn't let it bother you. I work around a bunch of women who gossip about the other girls and it is very distracting and inappropriate but it is not directed towards me so i just get on with my day.  

Answer 9

A maybe clever way to deal with this problem is to joke with them about it. Turn the tables around somehow in a way that is not offensive but gets your point across that it makes you uncomfortable and is really not appropriate for a professional environment. I work with mostly men and that doesn't happen here. It's very respectful on that front. But the men like it when I come out back. One of my work pals says it's because they think I'm attractive and they get tired of just looking at men all day, something like that. I know that they respect me.

You could talk to HR. You could talk to your boss. You could just ask them if they could just kind of cool it with the s*x talk. Or like, hey guys, in case you forgot but you are in mixed company and not all of us (ahem!) appreciate hearing it.

They do sound like 15 year olds. It's like grow up already.  

Answer 10

Pull your boss aside and ask that they stop having this kind of discussion within ear shot of you.  Document this.  If nothing happens, go to H.R.  Again, you will have to document this.

Guys are guys and they are going to talk how they are going to talk.  Since you are the only woman in your department it is asking a lot not to talk about this stuff at work at all.  From what it sounds like, they intend this to be harmless banter. The men are not groping you or making the comments about you.  But I can see how you would be disturbed by this and you definately should speak up if you are uncomfortable.  Also, I would follow this up with some steely resolve on your part.  Let the individuals know that you don't appreciate the comments.  Go about this diplomaticly, calmly and steadfastly.

I want you to consider one thing though.  By talking the way they do around you - but not about you - the guys have let their guards down around you. They viewed you as someone trustworthy enough to be relaxed around.  In other words they were counting you in somewhat as one of the guys.  If you complain - as I think you should - some men may not feel as comfortable around you as they once did.  On the other hand you will find that some of the men will applaud you for standing up for your self and most likely apologize.  

Answer 11

Tell Human Resources what you've told us here. There are laws about this sort of thing. You will actually be doing them a favor by telling them because if another female employee happens by and hears all this, she could file a federal employment lawsuit for sexual harrassment. Taking it to HR first gives the company a chance to fix the situation before it becomes really bad.

And, if you don't get it stopped, it's only going to get worse. The chatty boys will assume you're not bothered by it and may even enjoy it. Talk to HR.

Good luck!