What should I do... and how?

Question

(sorry to post here, but im looking for adult answers)

I've been casually dating this guy for a couple of months...we are both 29. we've been really good friends for a few years. We aren't exclusive, and never had the talk, but since we hang out ALOT, I figured we could always grow into something else eventually...

However, I recently found out that although he considers me his "priority", he is sleeping with three other girls on the side.

I know he is free to see other people, but when I found out, it just turned me completely off and I never want to touch him again.

But since we were never exclusive, he technically didnt do anything wrong. I have been avoiding his phone calls all weekend, and not responding to his texts.

He will most likely email me today, and I really am not ready to speak to him or communicate to him. In spite of it all, I'm hurt and I need to get over it. I guess I always wished I was the one he would really only want to be with.

Since he was technically allowed to date whoever, what should I do?

We were friends for years before we started dating...but I really just want to disappear.... I also want to somehow communicate to him that he shouldnt have put me in that category...

But what should I do, and how do I do it?

Please help

Answer 1

If he really considered you his priority he would'nt be sleeping around.  this is a bad sign. Continue ignoring him, that's gonna show him that you don't play.  If he;s doing this now, he's most likely gonna end up being the cheater type. It sounds like you deserve something better. Guys like that refer to girls as trophies, and he seems like he just wants to collect as many as he can.

Answer 2

i've been there and done that! if you really want him to know how you feel then you need to tell him because otherwise you will regret it. i never did tell the guy in my situation how i felt and i regret it to this day even though i am happily married! so talk to him text him or even e-mail him about what you want out of this little thing from him and se if he wants the same thing if he doesn't then just forget that it ever happened and try to just be friends again!

Answer 3

However, I recently found out that although he considers me his "priority", he is sleeping with three other girls on the side.

Why have just one when you can have 4 priorities.  He is a player and a good one at that.  You are 29 and he was able to play you like that.  He put you in that category or he told you that you was to get what he wanted from you "your devotion" there is no telling what he is telling the other girls.  Talk to them and see what kind of player he really is before you listen to any thing he has to say.  You might not even want to be friends with him if you find out he lies.

Answer 4

You should have talked to him about how you felt. Now that you're disgusted by the way he behaved you need to explain that to him too. He obviously has a very casual s*x life and doesn't get that the intimacy and bonding created when making love with someone feels 1000x's better then just random acts of pleasure with someone you hardly know. The potential for the spreading of diseases alone is enough to put the brakes on any relationship with him.

Answer 5

In my opinion, if a person wants to be with you, sleeping with other people shows exactly the oposite. I don't mean people have to be faithful when there is nothing going on, but there IS something going on between you two. Yes, he never promised exclusivity, and maybe the fact that he is doing other people shows he's really not interested in being exclusive.

If his behavior has disapointed you, then there is not much left. Once you stop admiring someone, the chances of it working out are slim. If you want to dissapear, you are entitled to do so. You could write a letter, email, or leave a message on his voicemail (if you are not ready to face him) saying exactly what you feel, that you feel undermined and underated by being just "a casual s*x thing" along with his other girls. Say what you expected, and block his email. Don't give him the chance to answer back, because I suspect the lying will begin.

Answer 6

You need to be real honest with yourself.

You felt that you 2 was a couple, no words where spoken of it you assumed it because you 2 did everything together.

He was always their for you whenever you needed him or he needed you.

That's what people like to call friends with benefits that way they can still go out with who ever they want & still use the friend on occasion for a piece of asss.

Tell him the truth, you are hurt & angry right now & need some time to put your feelings in check. Tell him how you really feel.

I think he is just using you & you let him because you are comfortable with him.

Answer 7

You don't have to be exclusive to feel disrespected.  You are right to feel this way because although you are not officially his GF but you are dating you don't want to be someones piece of meat on the side.  You are better than that and you deserve better than that and if he did decide to make you exclusive what would happen with the other girls?

Answer 8

I say, be honest.  Tell him you did not know how you would feel when you found out he was seeing other women.  And tell him that it made you feel a lot worse than you were expecting.  Then, ask for what you want.  Tell him that you need either to have an exclusive relationship with him, starting as soon as he can politely break up the the others, or go back to being just friends.  Honestly say that you have found out that the way your relationship is now is not working for you at all.

Answer 9

Be the bigger person and walk away from this guy. He likes his cake and wants to eat it all to. I know your feelings are hurt, but you will get over it and be a better person. Good luck.

Answer 10

He couldn't do anything you didn't allow you allowed your self to be put in that category. If he is messing with 3 other women he is a complete and totally dog. I would count my blessing and move on. I would also get my self checked out at the doctor even if you were using condoms it is not 100% and the fact that he is messing with so many woman makes your risk high in fact who knows what the other women are doing they could be with more than just him and so on and so on.

I want to add you may want to take a look at the statistics of black males with aids it is extremely high.