What should I do if the bride does not want a shower?

Question

I am the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding (whom I have known for 17 years). She is having a destination wedding that is very expensive, and I was laid off, but I am still going. I'm sure the trip will not be nearly as much a hardship for her other bridesmaids as they make a lot more than I do, even when I am working full-time. I have been successful in my career, but it is creative and makes less money in the beginning than theirs do.

These girls are planning expensive events for the bride. I was looking forward to hosting the bridal shower, but now she says she doesn't want one. She has a very good reason for not wanting the shower -- her mother is having no involvement in the wedding, and having the shower without her makes her too sad. I want to do something for her that would be just as good as a bridal shower ... what can I do? Also, how do I deal with the other people feeling limited by my finances (which are normal, by the way, and theirs are exorbitant)?

Answer 1

i dont know if its better then a shower but what about interviewing all the special people in her life and either making a video diary or making a scrape book full of pics with her and the special people in her life and you have captions and stuff about favorite memmories and this is an icky part but do you think the rift between her and her mom is only temporry? because you may want to ask her mom also although i know it will make her sad but wouldnt it also make her ....heart swell? maybe......i dont know as much as it hurts i would want my mom in a collection like that even if we wernt getting along and i know people are going to get sick of hearing this ive suggested it 3 times tonight but what about making a table or buying a cheap one from like a tag sale or something and covering the top in pictures of her life even if you wait and give it to her after the wedding so you can include wedding pics i mean i know these things are more along the line of gifts but short of taking her out and getting her drunk so she can forget about her mom theres not much yo can do unless you can work mircles and somehow get her mom to go is it a money issue? is her mom mad because shes having an expensive destination wedding? if so what about starting a pool to raise money for her mom to go or it would be tough to do but give her mom your plan ticket and surprise her with her mom instead...as far as the other women and their surplus of money all you can do is voice your opinon if there spending too much dont let them talk you into it just say hey i dont have it to spend to go to the brunch this morning spa this afternoon limo and clubbing tonight....you know or what ever the case may be suggest doing something else along those lines instead or picking  a few of the most important ones if you feel better talk to your friend up front tell her your fears let her know you dont want to ruin her special time but you have financial limatiations im sure she will understand but to drive the point home futher you can give her one last chance to change her mind saying if you think i will hold you back i dont have to go and of course and real best friend wouldnt even let the words finish coming out your mouth LOL in closing all i can say is good luck i hope you have a safe and memerable time with your best friend :)

Answer 2

I don't think that 25-30 is too old for a girls night in. If she doesn't want a shower then you don't need to do it. And if the other bridesmaids feel limited by your fiances then they can pay for more of it. Just like you wouldn't expect as lavish a gift from your friends who are still in school as from your friends working 70 hour weeks at a consulting firm.

Answer 3

Just abide by her wishes. Not everyone has a bridal shower.

And don't feel bad about this MOH stuff - I chose my MOH because she was closest in my heart to me, and not because I wanted her to 'work'... she lived very far away, and I just wanted her to be there to stand up for us at the wedding.

Answer 4

I like the first answer.. have a batchlorette party... you all could have a blast..

Answer 5

Plan a girls slumber party at your house.  Get some chick flicks...some wine or make a specialty drink (if you drink)...get some trashy tabloids (enquirer/star) and pick some fun foods like make your own tacos...sundaes...you can do your nails/have facials...ect...it doesnt have to cost alot of money and you girls can just have a fun night!