What should I do in this situation ladies?

Question

Ok me and my g/f of 3 year split up. We had our issues with me bottling up and not expressing my feelings which was no emotional support for her. We both did things to make each other feel unappreciated. We both love each other I think she still do. We both had kids that was from prior marriages. First mistake was moving in so fast without letting them adjust to each other. This caused a lot of our issues. I worked to support all of it. 5 boys 3 were hers and 2 was mine. She made me feel like it was my fault for her leaving. She blamed me so not giving her emotional support and spiritual support. That I did nothing with her kids or mine. Things like that. I worked all the time just for us to make it by and was tired( 10 hours plus 5 on Sat from week to week.). She supplied some of the food, but I still had to buy the food at the end of the month. She used what little child support she got. She wanted to marry and I was scared of being burned for the second time. My marriage hurt me very bad. She cheated on me. It was living h**l for 8 years, drugged from one end of a broken glass and burning charcoal pit to the other end. She left me and my two and has not talked or seen them since.

Well she had been going to church for about 10 months and i did not go at all. Well I went, cause she kept asking me and when she was thinking about leaving I went just to see what it was about. I have not had much church in my life. The day I went I was shocked. The first time in my life I felt the message and went back the next day and got saved. Two day later she left and since that time things in my life that I have never had happen to me is happening. It is freaking me out. Things like how I am handling the situation, I asked her to marry me with no answer other then I am not ready yet and the next day I hear a sevice on the radio about how a man simit to a woman in marriage, one of my favorite verse in the bible about Peter walking on water, A song that I really like Love lifted me., out while walking and singing a song in my own words and that panio playing that hymm in the background. I reconized that sound and looked it up on the internet and found out it was linked to Peter walking on water. Things like this. People tell me that I have the Holy spirit in me.

She said the reason at first was that she was convicted, cause we was not married and I asked her to. She said it was, cause I wanted her to stay there, not cause I wanted to get married. We talk a few times since. She wants use to focus on God and let him do his plans for us. For the first time in my life I am not scared to marry this girl, cause I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I expressed this to her and after that no contact from her at all also I talked about me forgiving my ex and letting the past go and she said that it was hard for her to forgive and let go. I told her to read Mat 6: 14-15. I don't need her to take care of me and my boys, cause I can do that by my self. Did it for 5 year before we got together.

Now what do I do? She wants me to put money in her account that is over drawn to help her out. We bought a van together. I paid the most on it, since she didn't have the money. She is very loose with her money. It is in my name. She took her clothes and the kids clothes. Had a job and no place to live, just left. She is stuggling. She left alot of things we bought together and some she brought when she moved here. She lives back were she grow up 6 hours away from me. She wants to come get her stuff and I asked like what and she said the things she packed and some stuff in the kitchen and the boys bunkbeds. I asked about the other stuff and she said you never know what the future brings. Well I chased my ex wife and got hurt real bad. I don't want to go threw this again. We are not married and I don't owe her a thing, I am stuck between waiting cause of hope, due to her not getting all her things, and that I want this to work and me giving her little stuff, getting my van back, and moving on. I have done all that I can do. I threw my cards on the table about marriage. I truly love this woman.

Answer 1

People perceive themselves differently compared to what they actually do, or not, so it's difficult to suggest anything usefull really without knowing the both of you.  I don't know, but it sounds like you've been giving a lot,  financially at least.  It is my understanding that once a man breaks a woman's heart - or if the woman perceives it that way (and it takes a lot of hurt for her to actually make the decision to leave), she will never trust or truly heal from that broken trust to that particular man.  If she's not responding to your marriage proposal, I don't think you should continue investing in her emotionally and/or financially, unless you do it for the children...  

Answer 2

I think your trying really hard but I'm sorry to tell you that you might get hurt again.  It's just a chance you take with women (and men).  It's good you went to church and liked it, maybe you can continue going and it'll be something you enjoy with or without her as you can use the support.  It sounds like your wife wants to go on, and the best thing you can do is just let her go for now.  You can still talk to her and it's very possible you can still work your relationship out with her later.  Have you ever tried explaining to her the same way you are on here now?  If not I believe that is what you need to do the next time you have a chance and ask her what exactly more did she want from you?  Sounds like you didn't have enough time together or was that the case?  The situation is not without hope if you know what I'm saying.  Sounds like you have worked very hard to hold your family together and the little things she wanted (that you didn't give) seemed like nothing at that time because of all you were doing, and now your beating yourself up over it, trying to change and wondering if you were wrong for ever thinking this way.  You weren't wrong.  You have your reasons, and if this was the only reasons she left you (what you post here, no emotional support or spiritual support) then she left for the wrong reasons.  It's just an excuse she has given you and the real reason is something else.  If she was truly Christian (these things she said to you that you have posted) then she would forgive you and be more understanding.

EDIT:  I went back and read your other questions and she is messing with you to get what she wants.  She knows you don't want to be hurt and she's using that to her advantage.  Personally, I wouldn't give her anything but her stuff and tell her to be on her way, but that's me.  If you aren't careful she is going to drive you crazy.

Answer 3

Have you ever thought that maybe she just wanted to use you or wanted to see what you thought about her? I say it because first she wanted to get married and she was saying that you didn't open up to her and when you told her what you thought, felt and that you wanted to get married with her, well she just threw you off. It's like I don't even understand her. If she is acting this way well if I were you I wouldn't put any money into her bank account. It's not your problem that she doesn't know how to use her money well. Just pay off your van and take it. If after you spilling your thought and then she doesn't care, well I'm sorry to say, but she might not be appreciating you or anything you do. She should have understood you in the first place, but you shouldn't have just bottled up.

My husband was like that too. Where it was hard for him to tell me what he thought or what he felt and when I told him I couldn't handle that anymore, he change and till this day we've never been happier. Just don't make a mistake by giving her money if she's not with you anymore and she doesn't even show any remorse for you. Just be careful and I hope that she's not just playing games with you.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like she's using you. I'm sorry but you've done so much for her and she doesn't appreciate it. You can't be waiting forever to get an answer. Talk to her one last time to see what she says. Good luck :)

Answer 5

too long.  i only have 5 more hours on my shift.

i read the first sentence.  you broke up.  leave it at that.  if you want more help, shorten the d**n "details" section....