What should I do? my husband wants to be my friend, since he has met someone else?

Question

My husband of 12 years, just told me last friday that he has met someone else and has slept with her at work. It all started with going out for coffee, or so he says. I have never had any reason not to trust him. We have 3 wonderful kids and I thought we were happy. He's not abusive, a bum or anything like that. We don't even argue.He has been a great father and husband until now. Our communication has suffered since we have had the kids, not to mention our s*x life and time for eachother. We talked on saturday for hours. I said I could forgive him and we could get counseling and rebuild this marriage. Then we made love. The weekend was good or so I thought. On Monday he said he was going to tell the other women that it was over and he couldn't do this anymore. I mean we talked about counseling and that we could make this marriage great. Well after he talk to her she change his mind and told me he thinks he loves her. But he wants to be friends because he still loves me and for thekids

Answer 1

Honey there is something you can do. You can take your husband to the cleaners for adultery, you can sue the mistress for disrupting and ruining a marriage you can collect child support, alimony and spousal support. I'm all for making the marriage work, if possible try to salvage it for the sake of the children. How selfish of him, he is completely forgetting his responsibilities as a father & a husband. He rather please his own selfish needs. I also strongly recommend you confront the mistress and tell her to find another man, one who is NOT married, express to her how you could not possibly be mad at her only disappointed, for it is people like her with no self respect or morals that make it hard for  "Good Women" . Honestly I pity her, your husband used her. She was all that you weren't and that's not necessary a bad thing.. Doesn't mean she was better than you, CLEARLY she can never come close to you (she's discusting) and your husband liked the thrill. Tell him HE better MAN UP! He has children and if he has a son, what kind of man is he showing your son to grow up and be. Fight girl!  

Answer 2

I wouldn't give him the time of day you have given him over a decade of your life and he cares more about her feelings f*** that I would turn cold as ice. I wouldn't argue but I wouldn't speak to him either.

Answer 3

He's still playing both sides of the fence.  

Answer 4

Be his friend only for the kids sake, keep it as business only, start divorce proceedings, make him pay, and stop the s*x. He abandoned you and your kids, he betrayed your trust, lied to you and cheated, and you want him back? Am i missing something here?

Answer 5

yeah... I would be marching my a** to his place of employment and confronting the s***k... Then, after the entire office know about their affair, I would take the kids and drop off the face of the earth... See him in court... get your custody delt with and have a neutral party exchange the kids... Sound like he is going through a mid life crisis... If he really wants you back... He will have to woo you all over agian. He will also know that cheating is not at all tolerated... If he dosent come back, you are better off with out him.

Answer 6

He wants to be friends because there wasn't a true reason for his actions.  He feels guilty.  Yes keep communication open for the kids, but as for you, a clean break is needed.  With you still coming to terms with the end of your marriage, you are very vulnerable to him and to other men lurking for a quick score.  He needs to move out now and allow you to heal without him leaving the house and you know where he is going.  If he gives you the old, I don't have a place right now, turn a deaf ear and let his new woman work that out.  

Answer 7

Sorry, he wants his cake & eat it too ! in other words, he likes your stability & likes the excitement of thsi other woman. He wants s*x from you & her,,,

Answer 8

"Friends??"  No.  Friends don't hurt each other like that.  Divorce him quickly.  Be cordial - even friendly - for the sake of your children.  But he is not your friend.

Answer 9

Okay it seems as though he is confused. But really think.... He has been with you for 12 years like you just said he will not realize what he has up until he loses it. You both are used to each other and i doubt he will be able to adapt to her if you both where to split up. I think you should stay on your ground and if he leaves or says he thinks he loves her then so be it and go on with your life the reason he says he wants you both to be friend s is for back up don't blind your self!! If it dose not work out with her which i am almost positive it isn't he wants to be able to run back to you so the pain that it didn't work out with her wont be as bad. I think that he is confused and childish to do this especially having kids. It hurts them and the other spouse. Think about the best for you and your kids don't show them that being with 2 people is okay how they grow up to be will be because the way you made them. yes they grow there own responsibilities but you are the one who helps create that. Good luck and best wishes to you. :)

*Mother of 2 year old and 32 weeks pregnant :)

Answer 10

Dump his sorry *** and take him for alimony and child support. You deserve it all after 12 years of marriage. I can't stand anything more than a guy that uses a women and treats his family like s*it which is exactly what he is doing to you