What should I do or say to my 7yr old son?

Question

On the way home from school, my 7 yr old son, along with two other boys showed their p***s on the school bus. My son said the other two boys were the ones that began doing it, and the only reason my son said he did it was because one of the little boys promise him a trading card if he did. All three of them ended up getting suspended from school for one day. Now it suprised me because, yeah my son can be hard-headed at time, what boys aren't, but doing something like this, is just not like him. So im wondering what should I do or say to him. How should I treat this situation? Cause Im highly upset

Answer 1

Talk to him.  Ask him why the other boys were doing this.  Perhaps, at 7 years of age, it's just a curiousity thing.  I would imagine this wasn't anything sexual in nature, but you have to talk to him (calmly and in a caring way) to find out what exactly happened.

After you get the details, you can explain to him that he must keep his private parts to himself, and respect the privacy of others as well.  Make sure he knows to tell you if anyone does this again, tries to touch him, etc.

Use this as an opportunity to teach.  From what you say, this doesn't sound like anything terrible, so be glad that you can talk to him about this now before something really serious were to occur.

Answer 2

Well, I can definitely relate to the 'boy' thing - I have one that is 13 and another that is about to turn 5 and they both keep me busy!  I would have a talk with him. Does he understand why what he did was wrong and why the school punished him AND why he will need to have a punishment of some sort from you?  If he is beginning to make decisions based off peers then it may be time to begin talking to him how he needs to stop and think before he speaks or acts, because he is at an age where he may feel pressure for a multitude of reasons and while that is perfectly normal he needs to understand that feeling something and acting on it are two completely different things! (Kind of along the lines it's ok to feel anger but not ok to hit).  Try explaining that doing this will take some work and won't be easy at first but if he starts working on it now it will become easier and this is something he's going to have to learn at some time in his life. Also, if he feels like he can come talk to you that will help him feel more secure in deciding things for himself.  Good luck

Answer 3

Personally, I would treat it like both a mistake and a safety issue.  I would talk to him about it.  Explain, again, why it is wrong to show private parts in public - how it makes other people feel uncomfortable & how it's not safe for him, if someone wants to do bad things to him.  Then, make sure that he knows that it's still wrong, even if someone asks you to do it or offers you something in return.  

He's probably horribly embarrassed about it all.  I'm sure that he's learned from the natural consequences of this mistake, already.  So, all that you really need to do is to help him to come up with ways to say 'no', even when enticed to do it for something like a trading card.

Answer 4

Don't make a bigger deal of this than it is.

Almost every child goes through a stage in which they display socially unacceptable nudity.  Whether it be a boy and girl playing the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" game or boys mooning each other or girls comparing who grows b*****s first, it's a stage of development that nearly everyone in a free society will go through.

The fact that the school has made such a big deal about such a minor incident has done these children much more harm than good.  It is very likely that the punishment will encourage the behavior.  Kids like pushing the envelope...especially "hard headed" kids.  If it was handled with a slap on the wrist as being no big deal, chances are that the kids would have simply shrugged it off and not done it again.  Now that it's been made taboo, the table has been set for they way they handle their body henceforth.

Handle it with tact.  Deal with the situation firmly, but don't make it a huge production.  Don't ignore it by any means, but the bigger deal you make out of it, the bigger of a problem this will be in the future.

Answer 5

I think the bigger issue here is that he may have done it because the other boys did. It may be time to try to explain that we don't have to do things just because other people do or because one bossy one tell us to. That he will feel proud of himself if he does what he knows is right rather than going along with the crowd. That sometimes you have to the the difficult thing so that you can feel proud and not ashamed. And that to be brave and strong sometimes means standing up to others

Good luck.

There is a great book on parenting boys if you're interested, Raising Boys, by Steve Biddolph - maybe the library can get it for you.

Answer 6

First off remain calm. Remember your own childhood and how curious you were about your body and other people's body.

The more upset you become it will scare your son.

You need to speak calmly and honestly with him.

Tell him first off you are sorry if you did yell at him. Just tell him that it "Scared mommy to know he was showing his privates to someone." Remind him that his body is his own and he should never ever show his private parts to anyone except to doctors and his parents.

If you haven't talk to him about nice touch and bad touches too.

Let him know that you love him and if you want tell him about a time you as a child were curious and played dr. or something like that. Tell him you were curious and how you go in trouble and stuff like that. It will help him feel that mommy too makes mistakes.

Remind him that the only time he should touch his privates is when he is alone in his room, in the bathroom or washing. Remind him that privates are private for that reason.

If you have a book about how babies are made look at that with him to show that our bodies are ours and they are not meant to be shared till we are grown up.

Let him know if anyone ever asks to see his privates then he needs to tell an adult right away.

Also if your sons dad is around have him talk to him too about being a boy, maybe wanting to show off what you have and stuff like that.

The key is don't get to upset. This will scare him and make him think of his body as bad and you don't want that. Let him know that his actions were bad, not him or his body.

I understand you are upset. But all kids are curious. My oldest is 12 today and I was shocked to learn about 6mts ago while on a "used laptop" she would look up "s*x" because she was curious. She was upset about the photos and VIDEOS she saw. I was VERY UPSET when I heard. My CHILD DOING THAT? Boy was I steaming for awhile at myself and her.

But, I remember how I use to sneak looks at my dad's magazine he kept hidden.

It is a normal childhood curiosity yet should be treated carefully. Take a little bit to calm down, breath, remember your own childhood and tell yourself this is just one of the many trials we face as parents. HUGS

Answer 7

Tell him to knock it off or there will be trouble

Answer 8

As far as what you should say to him....

Tell him that he was wrong for doing it.  Tell him that he needs to be a leader and not a follower.  Maybe you should ground him for a couple of days also to teach him a lesson.

That being said, children his age will do these types of things.  They want to be accepted by their peers.  I understand that you may be upset, but just realize that sometimes our kids will do things that we are not happy with!  Trust me, I know.  The important thing is to let him know that you love him and that if it happens again...the punishment will be severe.

If it makes you feel any better, my 7 year old nephew was in the bathroom with two other little boys and they took turns "peeing" on each other.  Go figure?  I guess its like they say, "boys will be boys".  

This won't last forever, soon he'll be 16 like my son and you'll be like me - hoping that he isn't showing "it" to his girlfriends.

Answer 9

tell him if he does it again you'll rip it off and kick it around on the ground

Answer 10

Tell him it is inappropriate to show your private parts

Answer 11

Tell him every one has pluming, girls have one kind boys another, and no one wants to see either.

It's not like the boy you know at home. Your son is school is different. He is trying to impress his friends, teachers, (maybe) girls. He wants to be the cool kid. He doesn't have that kind of pressure on him at home, so he would never act that way.

Answer 12

Honestly let him know that he is in trouble, but explain why to him.  Explain that being curious about your p***s is normal, but it is not for the public to see.  Tell him under NO circumstance should he ever expose his p***s no matter what is promised to him (sexual abuse-hello!)  I really hope that this is not the first time you're talking to him about his body.  Be open and honest with him, but be firm with the fact that he is in trouble and isn't just getting a day off school.

Answer 13

They are young and curious.  I wouldn't worry about it at all unless the other boys forced him to do it.

Answer 14

Obviously your son can be "bought" First of all you need to talk to him about keeping his p***s private.  That isn't something the entire world should be seeing and it's not appropriate to show it off on the bus.  You say that doing something like this is just not like him...obviously you don't know your son.

Answer 15

Ok.....I have four boys, so I am speaking from experience here!  First of all, this isn't uncommon, so please don't get yourslef too upset!  Yes, it should be addressed, but it doesn't indicate any major problems!

Just sit down with him and talk, calmly!  Explain to him that his p***s belongs in his pants, and he should NEVER take it out and show anyone!!  Explain the whole privacy issue and then explain how others can be offended by this!  I am sure that your son has already learned all this from this experience, but you should reinterate just to be sure!  Whatever you do, do not get all freaked out and start yelling and screaming!  I realize it is embarrassing, but it won't help to get out of control!  Allow him to ask questions, if he has any, and then let it go!  I don't think any grounding or punishment is necessary.  He is 7!  He is a boy!  He has a p***s!  All those things are working against him!!  lol  I'm sure this will never happen again!  He has learned from this experience!!!!

Answer 16

Be calm.  Explain to him that it is not appropriate.  Explain to him the boundaries with his private parts, and how he should not show anyone.  And to talk to you if anyone tries to get him too.  Obvisiouly he didn't mean and harm, and this is a good time to bring the discussion up.  It's a good way to discuss what is right and wrong, if God forbid, any pervert tries to target your son.  Take this as a positive.

Answer 17

Sounds like they were just being curious little 7 year old boys, but unfortunately in todays liberal world he could get charged with sexual harrassment.   I would be very honest with him and explain the serious outcomes that could stem from behavior like that .  Let him know, that if he has questions or is curious to come to you or your husband and you'll try to explain whatever questions he might have - dont go to his friends or anything anymore.

best of luck to you! i know this must be very upsetting, but he is only 7 - just a VERY different world we live in today.

Answer 18

Have the privates conversation.  They are privates for a reason, to stay private....it is offensive and not appropriate to be flashing privates and in the future, use your common sense before taking someone up on a dare.

IF he did it again, then I would have consequences.

Answer 19

Just  make sure he knows that showing your p***s is never acceptable. He needs some form of punishment, like grounding or take some privledges away. You need to stress that just because someone else does it, that doesn't mean he should do it.

And for those who say boys will be boys, that is not true.