What should I do???????????

Question

My husband is hurt because I don't always let him touch me...for example I don't let him touch my face or like rub my thighs or my arms or kiss my neck I either push him off or tell him to stop....is that wrong or something??

It's a little awkard because he's always telling me I'm so beautiful and gorgeous and caressing me and I don't see it...I don't feel I'm worthy of his affection

I did go through alot growing up that makes me feel this way

Answer 1

Sometimes it isn't about you, he receives pleasure in gently stroking you. You ought to feel loved.

My wife didn't like it when I did things like that and she never believed me when I told her she was beautiful. We are divorced. It takes 2 people each GIVING 100 % . so let your husband adore you, stoke you and tell you you are beautiul. Do you have any idea how many women are neglected by their mate. Your mate puts you on a pedestal, the way a married couple should be.

Each time you deny him, you are physically and emotrionall pushing him away. You are rej3ecting him.

What if you got all dolled up wore a s**y teddy and went into the bedroom and he PUSHED you away. Wouldn't feel good, would it. Rejection hurts. A mans ego is fragile,  

Answer 2

It's wrong in that he clearly is upset about it, but if he is overly touchy it can be damaging to you.

What you need to do is sit down and talk about things, explain what you've gone through and your feelings and have him talk about his.  You're there to support and care for each other, and at also means about issues like this.  It can lead to a lot of hidden hurt, or resentment, unless you let him know how you feel.  You are obviously worthy of his affection, since he married you and tells you what he thinks and shows interest!

Good luck!

Answer 3

you should feel lucky that your husband thinks so highly of you. it may take some getting used to and you may have to take it one step at a time, but if you keep pushing him away then your going to grow apart not only physically but emotionally as well, and you dont want that. give him boundries, but let him touch you sometimes, after all he is your husband.  

Answer 4

You might want to tell your husband about all you went through growing up.

Perhaps you should have told him before you were married, and now there wouldn't be a problem, because he would understand that touching you wasn't wanted.

I'd get help by talking to a therapist about all you went through while growing up, and keep that husband. They aren' t too easy to find.

Answer 5

If you were mentally, physically, and/or sexually abused it's completely normal for you to feel and act this way. But you owe it to yourself to get the counseling you need to get past it and stop letting your past destroy and control your future. You also need to make sure your husband knows why you feel this way, if you don't want him seeking affection elsewhere, and want him in your life, you NEED to talk to him. If he loves you, he will help you get the help you need and be understanding and supportive. Good luck. Look in your local phone book for abuse and rape victim hotlines. Tell them what's going on and ask them how to get the help you need. They will be more than willing and educated enough to tell you who can help you. I grew up with all of the above abuses and it has taken me years to get my self esteem back and be confident and secure in my own bedroom. Someone hurt you bad, and destroyed your ability to trust people(men) in general. Don't give them power over you anymore! Fight back and reclaim your life!

Answer 6

WOW Hanna, I can relate.  It took me a few years to be able to just relax and sit NEXT to my husband on the couch!  Let alone have him touch me in a "friendly" way!  

  Only you can tell if your husband is a good guy (c:  If he is?  Then let your heart embrace his kindness and love.  Ask him for his patience and tell him how much you love him and appreciate that HE IS YOUR rescue hero.  Tell him that your flinching is NOT on purpose, that it is a NORMAL reaction from someone that has been abused by THOSE that love us and by strangers.

   You will be okay kitten.

Answer 7

I'm going through something similar. Even if I don't have an answer that you like... I at least want to let you know, you're not alone!

I'm seeing a therapist over what happened to me as a kid. I didn't think I'd have problems with intimacy, because as an adult - I knew I wasn't to blame. But still... with the emotions and things I felt while growing up.. I didn't deal with them, and they suddenly came out a year ago!

I actually feel sick having s*x :P

I hope a therapist may help (I didn't want to see one, but I was desperate) or someone else on Yahoo Answers can help you out.

Take care, and good luck hun! ~ Jen

PS I also sometimes felt compliments given to me, were just so s*x could take place. It's hard for me to believe compliments too. Guys holler at me out of cars and stuff... I figure they're just really desparate, or they're being sarcastic..

PPS... also, assure your husband it's nothing against him, and you hope he'll patiently respect what you're going through right now.

Answer 8

You have to forget about the past. I know this is really bad but If you think of the romance and the future. (maybe children). Or other things you will forget of the bad and your mind will be free. (Go to get your nails done it makes you feel really good and it also helps you relax alot more.)

Good Luck.

Xoxo,Giselle

Answer 9

I have a sister who acted like that towards her husband.  They had been happy for many years before hand, then all of a sudden she decided she didnt want to be touched.

She went to a doctor who referred her to a quack who said that she had been sexually abused.  Her mother encouraged this by accusing just about every male the family had come in contact with (but we later found out that she was lying).  The upshot of the story is that my sister was NOT sexually abused, she just wasnt interested in s*x anymore and she and her husband divorced because she went cold on him.

You have to think about how your husband is feeling.  He probably enjoys displays of affection and would like to have this kind of attention.  After all, marriage is a two-way street.