What should I do.........?

Question

my wife had a very hard life... her father raped her many times and was very violent with her......we met shortly after she had gotten away from him.....I was disgusted to hear about the things she went through...we fell in love and got married however she is not comfortable with love making probably due to what what she went through....she isn't comfortable with me seeing her naked...she is ashamed of her body because she was taught to believe she is nothing....she refuses to believe me when I tell her she's beautiful in every single way...she doesn't even like making love with her clothes on .....she knows that I would never hurt her......she just gets really afraid when we come close to making love sometimes she'll push me away or begin to cry or shake and sometimes it's like she can barely breathe even having me kiss or caress her body gently can make her uncomfortable .......how can I make her feel safe and comfortable with me so that I can express my love for her??? I just want to love her like she deserves to be loved.

some people mentioned counseling

what exactly would a counselor do if we saw one???

Answer 1

I had a life like you wife's, it gets difficult to be close to people after that or even know who you are. Go see a counselor now. Sooner this stuff gets treated the better it is.

Answer 2

Poor thing, how very sad.  I think she needs a psychiatrist.  A psychiatrist will help her bring her feelings and trauma out.  She needs to talk to someone who understands and provides her with a safe place to discuss how she feels.  You cannot be the one she talks too about this, she needs a professional.

Answer 3

I feel bad for her , but What The h**l Were You Thinking !?!?

It's not uncommon ,even with the best of counseling, for this stuff to Never Heal !!!.

I'd suggest you accept it and get used to it.

By all means ,get her help , but don't expect any swift or significant changes.

Answer 4

A counselor would help her deal with the feelings that she has regarding her past.  Her counselor would help her realize that her father was wrong, nothing was her fault, and that, in spite of the evil things he did, she's still a beautiful person who deserves love.

Things would've been better if this was resolved BEFORE the marriage, but, yeah, go to counseling.

Answer 5

I felt like crying when I read this. I give you and your wife the best of luck.

Only time will heal her. She will heal from time with you by her side.

Counseling does nothing except tell you things you already know and gives you bills.

Only you can give her love and heal her.

Answer 6

aw =(

what a shame =(

its so sad to hear stories like that, and im very sorry for what you and your wife have to go through!

you should definitely consider counseling or maybe even therapy to help her get over her emotional fears.

i think its your best shot, or just help her to cope. don't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, and when she starts to freak out of feel uncomfortable, don't judge her just make sure your there for her. you definitely want to keep whatever trust she has in you intact and just give it time. eventually she will see that you have no intentions of hurting her and she will ease up.

good luck, im sorry it has to be that way =(

Answer 7

Oh such a tear jerker... It is so very fortunate that she has found someone like you.  You must be very patient with her and always show her unconditional love, no matter what, always try to be understanding.  As for Counseling, well all counseling does is make you pay, and pay dearly for telling the things you already know.  =P