What should I do tired of Stepdtr issues ?

Question

I have been in a relationship for ten years when I first met him he told me he had a Daughter of 5 but would not live with us or interfere but that he has his responsibilities otherwise financially ok but now she is 15 during the ten years we have constantly fought about her she visits every other weekend comes to our apartment from friday till sunday night does not clean her room watches tv while she plays on the laptop. Does not wash a plate or cup she eats in .Even though she cuts class and is verbally abusive to him calling him stupid .I cannot take it anymore alot of the fights are about her her her

Answer 1

First, trust me when I tell you it could be worse. At 15 cleaning her room is not on top of her priority list and I am assuming you either don't have kids or they are not teens yet. Don't stress about the room, but do make the rule that it has to be clean before she leaves on Sunday. If she doesn't, then don't start an argument--close the door and it will have to be the first thing she does on Friday. You also need to establish some rules. She either helps wash dishes or she uses paper plates/cups...her choice. Her father needs to deal w/ her behavior towards him and he alone. He can also decide to stop her visit for a bit as a form of punishment. Whatever you do...don't argue w/ your husband about her. She wants to create a wedge and it seems that she is doing a good job. You can also attribute some of her actions based on the fact that she lived w/ out him in another country and could be doing this as a form of punishment to her father.  

Answer 2

Oh the joys of being a stepmom! :)

You need to have a talk with your husband about his daughter’s lack of respect in the home. However, if he does nothing about it, you’re just the bad guy who hates his daughter right rather than the woman who also lives in that same home who gets to pick up after the 15 yr old.

She’s 15 yrs old and since she’s never had to lift a finger, why should she start now?

Your problem is in how the 15 yr old was raised, not with her directly. And the blame should go to her parents because they’re responsible for instilling this in her mind. So talk to him, possibly the ex if you’re cool like that, and work on house rules that apply in BOTH homes. (I know that’s not always do-able)

My stepdaughter is 5 yrs old. We have rules in our home, she doesn’t have too many in her mother’s home. Which is fine, that’s their business. But when she comes to our home, she gets angry and upset because she hates that we give her responsibilities. But if we don’t start now, she’s going to be like your 15 yr old stepdaughter and won’t respect what she has and the rules of our home when she’s here. All we ask is that she clean up her toys, put her dirty dish in the sink like everyone else, and go to bed on time. It’s not too much to ask, it’s called parenting…..

I hope you and your hubby can come to an agreement here. Because it does take a toll on a marriage when the burden lies solely on you….best of luck to you!!

Answer 3

tell your husband if she will not clean up after herself in between meals, nor keep her room tidy, then it's up to HIM to do so...

separate her plates, etc and refuse to wash them...leave her room as is...tell him his daughter therefore his responsibility....and stick to your guns..do not argue, just tell him you will not clean up after her.

As far as her cutting class and mouthing off....his problem. You stay out of it.....good luck.

Answer 4

Oh, I know this can be a struggle...

But he did have this child before you so - you have to accept her visits...and try not to be resentful.

BUT - I would NOT tolerate her abuse. There needs to be boundaries and rules. He cannot allow her to treat you guys like this or she will end up becoming society's worst nightmare!

Set some rules and boundaries and tell your husband that he needs to become a united front with you.

If he fails to be a responsible father, then you are the only one who can decide if it's worth sticking around for.

I wish you luck - I know it's hard.