What should I do to let him know what he said is not okay?

Question

I have been home from college for the last 3 months. I have gone out of my way to help my parents whenever I can. My mom works all day long and is never home and my dad works nights. My brother is also gone all day long at work. I had a job buy my employer died and so I have not had a job for the last month. Any way I have spent most of my summer at home cleaning, doing things for my parents and so on. However today my dad was sitting around like he always does when he is home, and he had the nerve to say that I did nothing all summer and I did not help around the house at all. I could not believe my ears. When I told my mom she said that I did a lot to help and she was very greatfull for every thing I did this summer. I went above and beyond as far as I am concerned. I did dishes every day, cooked, cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, dusted and more. My mom wont say anything to my dad about his comment. What should I do? I am about to turn 20 but I am still afraid of my dad and I don't want him to be mad at me. But I am not going to let him think I did nothing all summer. What should I say to him? Oh and side note my little brother never helps with the house cleaning. He says he does not have to because he is never home. Which is bull in my opinion but no one ever listens to me.

Answer 1

ya i hate when people call me hun too like "sorry hun but.." ok anyways. thats such bull. thats similar to what my mom does...well kinda. just she tries to take credit for doing nothing. she prances around telling me to leave her alone cuz its her "down time" since she has been working all day long but she doesnt even have a job, she doesnt pay for the bills or any of that its all my dad. all she does is work in her backyard, spend money, and play tennis. so what i do is i talk to her about it but then she gets really angry with me so how about you dont talk to your dad about yet because he will probably get really mad but talk to your mom first and tell her what you told us and how you feel unappreciated and ask if she could talk to your dad for you then you can talk to him after

Answer 2

A lack of validation is very hard to handle. Get used to it, because there is a lot of it out in the real world.

Let him know in a very nice way (it is _his_ home) that you did what you could to help your mother around the house, if you have to say anything at all.

It would be better to swallow it and try not to let it bother you too much. Maybe he had a really bad day at work, and the comment had nothing to with you, he just took it out on you.

He is your Dad, and that is his home. Do you want to be 'right' and prove your point, and take a chance of causing more tension in the home? or Do you want to try to forget it, and go on loving your family and doing what you can to make them happy, hoping one day they will see the wonderful, gracious, classy person you have made of yourself?

edited to remove the term that was offensive, it wasn't meant that way, i am southern and old, and it is a habit

Answer 3

I agree with Pennylane..  Don't be stern or harsh in your voice, be sweet and hurt.  Speak softly so he doesn't feel threatened.  Even though he is wrong, sounds like its hard for him to see that.  I know how you feel.  Sometimes our best just isn't good enough for some people.  At least your mom appreciates you and sees that you help.  Your dad SHOULD know how you feel and that he is WRONG.

Answer 4

Being a dad myself, I know we often take for granted the hard work that goes into keeping a house in order.  Having also worked nights for several years of my life, I know it can be hard sometimes to stay in touch with the rest of the family and sometimes it comes across as lashing out at those you love the most.

I wouldn't go overboard with it, I like one of the other answers that said something like swallow your pride and just try and talk to him about it in a non-threatening way.  I do disagree that it would have been best to come right back at him when he made the statement, that probably would have just led to a bigger fight, it is sometimes better to sleep on it and think about the best way to approach it.  

Remember, he is your dad and if he is anything like me, then his family is his life and he would do anything for you......and sometimes to a father it means having to show 'tough love' and helping kids stand on their own two feet, so that they can make it on their own one day.

Remember also, in the work world you're going to have bosses that do not appreciate your work and belittle you at times.  Fortunately they are not your parents, and you can tell them to stick it, but only after you have another job lined up  ;)

Good luck.

Answer 5

Just say, "Dad, I did help a lot this summer, even mom thinks so. The fact that you can't see that hurts me"

Answer 6

I agree with those who said that you need to let your father know how you feel. Be cautious in your approach. .It is his house. Your brother's attitude is typical for a sibling. Your Mom knows what you did and has acknowledged it. Chances are your Dad does not see all that any of you do including your Mom. When you go back to school say, "I love you all hope you saw what I tried to do this summer while I was home, see you soon."

Answer 7

This would have been easier for you to tell him when he first made the comment.  Dont let anyone push you around, mention to your dad what you have informed us and I think you will be in business. Your dad just might have been having a bad day, but you sound like you need to get this off your chest so just be direct with him.