What should I do when my 9 month old has a fit?

Question

My son just turned 9 months old (and he is going to be a big brother in 5 months I know) He gets into everything. This is normal I get that part. However, lately when I take things from him like car keys or the remote or just things he finds (you know how they just find the smallest random things right after you vacuum too!) When I take things from him, he has a fit I mean he cries with real tears not the "fake out" cry. My husband feels bad and gives things back to him once he has a fit. However, I think he is having fits more now because he is starting to see that fit = get what I want. I have tried taking things away and giving him a toy or something he is allowed to have but he just cries more or pushes it aside. What can I do? Before I did not care because he would cry a little fake cry and move on. Now he is having full-blown fits. Is dad to blame ( Men!!!!) I keep telling him once you take don't give it back seems since dad has become a sucker and with baby #2 coming I want dad and I to work together cause he gets over on dad a lot. What can we do? I know all kids cry when they don't get their way I just think we need to be consistent as parents dad just says “he's just a baby” but it won't be cute in a few years. Help or advice please tell me what works with your family? This kid is playing us already and he’s not even 1 yet! Thanks

Answer 1

He is playing you and he's learning what works.  The key to his "fits" is to treat them like sneezing fits.  You wouldn't give a reward to a kid for having a sneezing fit and you wouldn't punish them either.  It's just an uncontrollable outburst.  Dad is  causing some of this, and some is just natural baby hijinx!!  What Dad's doing is cruel -- to be inconsistent with a baby is very confusing.  Baby's trying to learn what's right and wrong in his world and dad isn't strong enough to teach him.  What if he wants to run in the road or have some matches?  Then dad will be furious and baby won't understand.

Try to create a very babyproofed area that keys and bottle tops and all those attractive sharp things never come into.  That way Baby can be king of this area, do whatever, go wherever and you won't have to fight him.  But when you're outside his safe zone keep doing what you're doing.  When he gets mad it means you're doing something right -- giving him limits to keep him safe.  He sounds like a pretty smart and stubborn baby so you are right to work this out with Dad RIGHT NOW.  Good luck.

Answer 2

He's crying because he's frustrated & sad and doesn't have any other way to express it.

You don't have to give him back what he wants.

But, it won't hurt to help him through his sadness with a hug until he feels better, or help him express his frustration by acknowledging his feelings with your words - "You're sad because you can't have the keys, I know, but those aren't safe for you to have (or, we need to make sure those don't get lost because they're important).  What would you like to do instead?"

Answer 3

Wow Dad this is appalling, and worse is the fact that you won't be around most of the time to deal with the reinforced appalling behavior.  So you folks will be known as (since I don't know your real name, we'll think of u as these) the "Smith's, and those bratty kids".  Just think of it this way, when you are coming over, people will be thinking 'oh shoot, here comes the Smith's and those bratty kids' or 'lets not invite the Smiths, I can't stand to be around those bratty kids".  

You get to choose.  

You need to Nanny 911 that little tantrum thrower.  Take what he is not supposed to have, or stop him from doing what he's not to do, tell him why he can't have/do this or that,  and give him a choice, "you can stay here and do this with us and stop the screaming" or " you can keep screaming and go to your room".  Don't back down or you will hear this over & over.  If you are firm the fits should stop after one or two times.  If he chooses to 'go to his room & have a fit, don't let  him out until he stops and then make him aknowledge why he was there and make him say he is going to stop the screaming & crying or he will be back in the room.  

Answer 4

He's not crying to manipulate you, he's crying because he's frustrated.  He's a little person who can't express his thoughts in words, which is why he gets so upset.  You're right, it won't be cute in a few years.  But that's a few years; this is now.  Right now, he's still a baby and should be treated as such, regardless of the fact that he's going to be a big brother.  Take things away that he shouldn't have, but don't just leave it at that.  Redirect him to something that he can have.  If you don't want him to have the keys, for example, take them away and then give him some blocks.

*ETA* Yes I did read it sweetie.  You asked what you can do and what works with other families.  And I quote, "What can we do? Help or advice please tell me what works with your family."  REDIRECTION.  It sounds to me like the pot is calling the kettle black.