What should I do with my daughter?

Question

I caught my 14 year old daughter having oral s*x in her room with a boy that she snuck in the house this happened about three days ago and the boy is 17!! what should I do???I don't want to hit her because I am afraid that my anger will take over and I will really hurt her!

Answer 1

Have her cell phone taken off your plan (if she keeps it charged it will still work for 911). Forbid all access to the net, except for direct school work. Get her tested for AIDS and pregnancy. Have her counseled on all the diseases she can get.Call the boys parents.

Answer 2

if you have taught youre daughter that this is wrong at her age then the first thing you should do is ground her i mean take away every thing for one month .. a few days from now when you have calmed down you should spank her ,,, i mean spank her butt hard enough that she gets the message that what she did was wrong ,,,

but you also need to find the boy and tell his parents unless they are abusive ,,, he needs a spanking too

Answer 3

I'm not a mother. Im 14 and let me say she may have been pressured into it. One of my friends always gets pressured into it but she stays her ground. In my FACs class someone came into our class and showed us this powerpoint about all the STDS and showed us pictures of what the STDS look like on the body it was the most nastiest thing I've ever seen. Maybe you need to do some research and look up pictures of STDS and make a Powerpointof it for her. Or maybe you should just talk to her dont yell at her it only makes things worse. Whenever I get yelled at for doing something I just dont listen to what she/he says and keep on doing what Im doing. But if you just talk to her nicely and figure out why she had oral s*x. Maybe you can figure this out together. But if that doesnt work maybe she needs to see a counselor so she can talk to something she doesnt know and someone who won't yell at her. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Whatever you do, I think you need to be sure not to totally alienate yourself from your daughter with anger. Let's face it, kids do these things no matter how much supervision and s*x ed she receives.

I would encourage your daughter to take part in activities at school to keep her busy. This will also raise her self-confidence so that she doesn't feel like she needs validation from older boys. She's still young and you still have time to influence her.

Yes, she should be punished...but don't act like you can never trust her again. Gradually let her gain it back. One of my friends in high school had parents who did not trust her to do anything...they would constantly call her to ask what she was doing, etc. Eventually this girl had enough of it and became very promiscuous, sneaking out of the house to have s*x all the time. She eventually got pregnant and had to have an abortion...this was after her mother refused to take her to the doctor to go on birth control at 17.

Answer 5

I think you should cool off before you seriously talk to her.  I was a teeneage mother (15 y/o).  Hitting doesn't help (though it will make you feel better for a minute).  You need to really talk with her to see why she's displaying this behavior.  For me, it was because my house was in turmoil.  My dad was an alcoholic and my mom a control freak.  If you can't talk to her, she needs to see a counselor.  She won't like it at first, but will come around.  There is a reason for her behavior.

Monique

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Answer 6

Talk.  Talk.  Talk.  Express your concern.  Tell her why you believe that this is not good behavior.  Educate on both the physical health risks as well as the emotional implications.  This is the stuff that is not covered and is more real to a teen.  Teens believe that they are immortal, and that disease will never affect them, however they know that they can be emotionally hurt.  Come from a position of helping her, not of dictating to her.  

Never, never, ever hit.  Did what ever you must to keep this from happening.

Acknowledge to her that you do not control her behavior.  However you can set consequences if your rules are broken.  In this regard you must be fully prepared to follow through - keep the threatened punishment proportional to the potential violation.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 7

Take away all her privileges -- cell phone, computer, television, music, going out with friends. Since she cannot be trusted out of your sight she goes to school and comes straight home or goes on errands with you (since she also cannot be trusted to stay home alone). If you have to be gone is there an aunt or other relative or friend where she can stay? That's it. She goes to school, comes home, does homework, reads, for three months or until she proves to you that she can be trusted.

Any funny business and two weeks are added to that time.

It will cut into your social life to enforce it, but that is the only way to make the consequence stick so it NEVER happens again.

Now her whole life at home doesn't have to be miserable. She can spend time with you talking -- and that should happen, too. She needs to know that she can get an STD from oral s*x and that the endorphins she feels from sexual activity are not love but simply a chemical reaction, and that the only way to ensure that she does not get an STD or pregnant out of wedlock is to wait for sexual activity until she gets married.

The next best is to wait until she can support any child that comes out of a sexual relationship and be responsible on her own to protect herself from STDs and make good choices about her relationships -- which is not until at least age 18 and preferably after she has completed all her schooling and has a steady job and place of her own.

Answer 8

maybe you should  of been a better parent so that this sort of thing would of never happened

smooth move exlax

Answer 9

Oh Wow.  Good job on keeping your cool...I can only imagine how hard that was!  I agree with the other post...show her the possible consequences of her actions.  Teenagers think they know everything, and think that nothing can happen to them.  At her next doctors appointment maybe ask the doctor or nurse to talk to her a bit...sometimes it's different hearing in from someone other than a parent.

Answer 10

I agree with smartnsavysue---all of what she said, but even at 14, i think you should also discuss birth control, condoms, all of that stuff, because if you CAUGHT her doing that,(not to make you feel worse) but imagine what she may have done that you didn't catch.  Make sure she knows where to get protection, and to use it everytime...she's already crossed over that line, so I think you should help her be prepared

Answer 11

take her to the docs to check her out for stds.that will take a little hat off you.

if u want to go the biblical route feel free to take her to yr priest etc....

the excuse- all the other girls are doing it- doesnt hold

a 17 year old???- that a power thing

she is learning to be subservient-

u need to show her the power of herself

the beauty of being a strong woman

we are not here to be used by men

we are hear to build positive lasting relationships with strong men who dont take advantage of us

Answer 12

Warn her about consequenses of sexual relations and point out that seeing as her boyfriend is more then two years her senior and she is under the age of consent this could havelegal reprocussions.

Answer 13

Even though she's 14 she might get the paddle on her butt from me, and not just once! After that I would have a very long and serious talk with her about responsibility and another one about birth control.

Answer 14

I am soo sorry, I as well have a 4 year old daughter, I would show her pictures of herpes, sexually transmitted diseases, consequences of HIV, this would scared the c**p out of her, I did it to my daughter, and she knows now the wrong decision will be a life long consequence.  Good Luck.