What should I do with this grieving lady?

Question

There is this female coworker that I know who lost her 7 year old daughter in a car accident.

She believes that her daughter is in "a better place"

I am torn between telling her the truth about reality (that there is no afterlife and her daughter lives on only in memory) or simply allowing her blissful ignorance to give her peace of mind. This is a difficult decision. Comfort or truth.

What should I do?

Answer 1

There's no decision. It's none of your business. Obviously you don't have children either. The pain of losing ones child would be completely debilitating. Let her cope the best way she can and just leave her alone. You would only cause her more grief if you said anything. And if you don't care for her beliefs, just walk away.

Answer 2

Lets this women believe what ever she wants. As long is it makes her feel better. Why should it bother you. She just lost her 7 year old daughter and if he thinking that helps her deal then let her be. You have no reason to tell her any different. You just tell her your very sorry for her loss and go on your way. All you would be doing by saying anything else would crush this woman.

Answer 3

Are you serious? This is the last time ever that you should even be bringing up the topic of religion and your beliefs (and this is coming from an agnostic aetheist BTW, I'm not some Bible banger trying to get you to convert and see the light).

If you feel compelled to bring this up to her and are afraid you won't be able to hold back just physically stay away from the woman. If you can see it in your heart and mind to be a friend send her a nice card to let her know that you are thinking of her and the loss she is suffering.

Answer 4

Do you also pull the wings off flies? Torture small animals?

Answer 5

Your opinion is that there is no afterlife.... Obviously, her opinion is different.  

You need to leave her alone and let her grieve the way she wants to.  Offer support, but not your beliefs.

Answer 6

To you theres no afterlife.  But it seems like her religion and thoughts say otherwise.  You cant tell her what there is and is not, since you really dont know yourself.  It would be very harsh and mean for you to tell her that her daughter is not in a better place that she's just dead.  You need to be nice and just comfort her and keep your mouth shut.

Answer 7

You have no right to take away her beliefs! Heaven is VERY real to a lot of people and that is very cruel of you to even think about saying such a thing! Let her grieve and if you can't be loving and supportive, leave her be!

Answer 8

How about doing your job instead huh?  you know, the one you're getting paid to do?  I'm sure your job is not to give your religious opinion...unless of course you're a priest or something which is obviously not the case.

Get back to work you loafer!!

Answer 9

Your reality of there being no afterlife is YOUR opinion, not hers.  This is a tragic time in her life.  Keep your atheist comments to yourself.  For GOD's sake she just lost her child.  That is just cruel!

Just a note: You don't know any truth unless you died and came back to tell the rest of us.......so shut it!  Oh and if you did die and found nothing out there it was probably god hiding from you because your such a butt!

Answer 10

No Heaven, That is your truth, not hers. Some folks believe there is a heaven. Who are you to say there isn't? Leave her be. She couldn't care less about your beliefs right now.

Answer 11

Leave it alone.

Answer 12

Your coworker may be saying her daughter is in a better place because she believes that to be true, based on her religion or her opinions. She may need this idea to aid her in the grieving process. This is probably not a good time to challenge her beliefs. When her grieving has abated somewhat, maybe a year or two after the death, you could try exploring her beliefs and getting her to tell you more. That might be a better time to talk about what you believe to be the truth.

The best thing to do to help your grieving coworker is to give her opportunities to talk about her daughter and just listen.

Answer 13

well since you have your questions section private, I can't tell if this is something you do to irritate people just for your amusement or not.....so...I'll bite.

why can't you just leave her be?  are you so arrogant and intolerant that you can't just let her believe what she wants to believe?  so she thinks her daughter is in a better place, what's it to you?  how's it hurting you?

besides, truth is relative, truth is in the eye of the beholder, truth is what people believe it to be.  she believes that as truth, just because you don't doesn't make her wrong, doesn't make her right.  the only reason to "tell her the truth" is to put salt in the wound.  you'd be hurting someone who is already in pain and what would the point of that be?  unless of course you need to feel better about yourself by putting someone  else down.

what should you do?  you should get off your high horse or you'd be lowering yourself to the very level you would catagorize christians as because some are so stubborn and inflexible when it comes to beliefs.

BEING ATHEIST DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE VOID OF COMPASSION.

side note:  as a supervisor, that would be grounds for me to have to discipline, not only on grounds of 1. religious intolerance and 2. demonstrating insensitivity to others, but also 3. creating a hostile work environment, 4. failure to cooperate with fellow employees, 5. disrupting fellow employees, 6. engaging in a confrontation with co-workers (because that might happen), 7. making false, vicious, or malicious statements (it might not be false to you, BUT IT IS MALICIOUS).  With so many offenses, this is grounds for termination.  You are at a place of employment, not your local bar or other public place.....so think twice.

Answer 14

Are you joking?

This woman is in mourning and you want to challenge her personal beliefs about an afterlife?

Her religious/spiritual beliefs are none of your business at the best of times, but to challenge them NOW would be selfish, cruel and very ignorant.

Comfort her and keep your own views to your d**n self. How would you feel if you were going through mourning and someone was trying to convert you? Let her grieve in her own way, regardless of your personal beliefs.

Answer 15

How about MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Answer 16

You may not believe in the afterlife but that doesnt mean its true...

Leave her alone... let her grieve her daughter. Dont be a d**k and say something so hurtful...

Answer 17

You have your beliefs and she has hers. Allow her to lean on her faith to get through this tough time. Telling her what you think would be cruel. Besides, her beliefs don't change who you are and what you believe, so why the need to tell her anything?

Answer 18

I'm not sure how you could possible know for a fact that there is not afterlife. It's not possible to prove a negative. You cannot prove that something does not exist.

So obviously you should not say anything, and you know that. I assume you posted this question to get people on here upset.

If that is not the case, then I suggest you work a bit on your social skills. Telling someone that their child is gone, and that there is not afterlife and that they are ignorant for believing in one is wrong, and quite frankly just makes you look bad.

Answer 19

Please don't consider a devastated co-worker as an opportunity to share your aetheistic beliefs, when they are clearly contrary to her belief of an afterlife.

If you're a friend, offer her support and comfort, if you're not her friend, then just be cordial while trying to sympathize with the fact that she will NEVER fully recover from this tragedy.

Answer 20

Comfort. Imposing on someone's beliefs at work can be grounds for firing.