What should I say when my daughter said she hated me?

Question

I found a note my 13y/o daughter wrote basically saying I'm the worst mother in the universe. She hates me and wishes I was dead. I'm the kind of mother that makes her want to commit suicide. I don't know if I should confront her with the note? What should I do?? Please help. I became a mother at age 15. My mother wasn't such a good mother to me. I don't know how to really express my feelings. This note really hurt me.

Answer 1

do not confront her with the note it will make things worse

just whenever she tells you she hates you just respond with something like "oh well thats funny because i love you"i would just try and talk to her about the stuff that is going on in her life

chances are that you are not the problem but it is easy to take her anger out on you because she knows that you you'll always be there

if she does have a problem with something you are doing try to talk about it with her and see if you can change

remember she is 13... and thats how 13 year olds are at times, shes going through the rollercoaster of puberty and cant really control the rapid increases in hormones and they can get emotional

Answer 2

Buy a new blank journal.  Even a spiral notebook will do.

Write both of your names on the inside cover.

Write her a note on the first page(s), telling her how you know that, as she heads into her teen years, as her life decisions become bigger & more important, it may become harder for the two of you to really talk.  Tell her that you want to keep the lines of communication open in a way that gives each of you the time & space to really say what you're feeling and that gives each of you the time to think before responding.  That's why you've started a shared journal.

Anything written in the shared journal is kept on paper.  Not discussed out loud or brought up in arguments.  

Be sure to tell her how much you love her, how excited and scared you are as she gets closer to becoming an adult, how you hope you've set her on a good path & given her a solid foundation to build from.  

Decide on a safe but equally accessible place to keep the journal.  

Ask her to write back & leave the journal on your pillow when she's got something to share.

Then, leave it on her pillow one afternoon & wait for a reply.

Answer 3

you definatly have to talk to her. but you have to create an enviroment where she feels safe and brave enough to be vulnerable. Maybe that note was just a way for her to get out built up anger she had toward you, so i doubt she truly meant it.

you need to tell her that you did have her young, and you had no one to teach you to be a really good mother so shes going to have to help you out. that you guys have to be in this together. that when your doing something wrong, she should be able to let you know.

make it a very positive, open enviroment but also let her know how much you love her and that this note hurt you and you dont want to see your relationship fizzle away like you and your mother.

you have to remember that your the adult, your the older one, the stronger one. so when shes venting about all those annoying little quirks you do, you cant get defensive and be "well i wouldnt do that if YOU did this"

it might be hard, but you have to do alot of the listening and even if you know that your right, you just have to be very supportive and understanding.

and maybe later if you feel helpless in the mothering aspect, buy some parenting books. theyre not just a loser thing, but they really can help and make you feel more confident in being a parent

xoxoxo hope i helped <3

Answer 4

Of course your daughter is angry and wish you dead, you are grounding her for what she sees as an innocent mistake.  You are punishing her out of proportion.  

If you don't like her hanging around with certain groups of girls or just want her to spend more time at home and do her schoolwork, tell her straight.  Don't use dirty trick and makes her feel so bad about that little incident.

Answer 5

definetly do what mgnavado said! that way you can "talk" through ur problems with out yelling and getting into a fight.

Answer 6

I would say, "that sucks for you- you're stuck with me!"

Answer 7

I have a 13 year old son,he hates me every other day.especially when he does not get his way.First of all do not confront her with the note,it will only make matters worse.Next,and I say this with love,toughen up!!They do not mean it,they are just trying to push your buttons.I have started saying,"oh,okay"when my son says that and he just looks at me funny and starts to cool down.Make sure your kid knows you love them,let them know that you understand that puberty is hard,but that you will not be their doormat.GOD-bless

Answer 8

that's the problem!!

you were a mom at 15!!!

that's only 2 yrs older than her!!!

you're suppose to be a role model and she probably sees this wrong and feels you don't care....

Answer 9

You should definitely confront her. This question will most likely receive a lot of better answers than me (I'm not a parent), but since Yahoo! Answers is down and wont post this question under the parenting section, I recommend you asking this later for more input on people who actually have kids. If i was in your situation, however, I would definitely confront her. Teenagers always say things they don't mean.

Answer 10

First off, many people write notes that the subject matter is never meant to read. Question 1: Were you snooping when you found it? That would be problem number 1. Second, teenagers are like that and most of them need counseling. Don't ever bring up the note if it wasn't something she gave to you. That's a great way to make her less trusting. If she otherwise has visible issues, that would be sufficient enough to request counseling. And remember, DON'T BRING UP THE NOTE!