What should I tell my friend (in your opinion)?

Question

She was raised by a fundamentalist Christian mother.

My friend likes girls. She has had relationships with girls. It's just the way she is.

She has a couple of other religious friends who keep telling her she needs to "stop all this" and get back in church.

They aren't concerned with her struggle, what she wants, or what she is going through. Their biggest concern is that she start behaving the way they think she should, according to their religious beliefs.

I can hear in her voice and in her comments that she believes them. She doesn't like herself. Her pain is deep and she's going through it alone.

She believes in God. I don't want to make her walk away from that, but I can't seem to convince her that it's okay to be herself and still be a Christian.

What would you tell her? Thanks for your advice.

Answer 1

You need to tell her that it is okay to be a L*****n, and to also be a Christian, God loves everyone g*y, straight, bi, L*****n, etc.

He rother friends are somewhat wrong, they need to let her be herself. There is no reason she can't be a L*****n and still go to church...etc.

I find it sad when people are confused because they are Christian, but are also g*y...God loves you, despite your sexual preference.

Answer 2

I think that maybe you could ask her to explore her idea of God with you and her relationship with him.  If, as most people seem to, she idealises Him as a loving father figure then it might do no harm to suggest that she takes a moment to block out everything from her mind so that she is only influenced by her own feelings and by God.  No other friends or "friends" or family should be affecting her at this point.  Then she needs to ask herself two questions.

1)  Does she believe her feelings are in any way evil, harmful, malicious etc.?  Again, she shouldn't allow what she's been taught or told to influence this - she needs to focus on her own mind when she has these feelings of love for other girls and see if they're evil or loving.

2)  What does the kind and loving God think of them?  That's all.  It doesn't matter what other people think He thinks, what matters is what He says inside her head.  If he continues to love her as she is then she might find the strength to stand up to her "friends" and accept herself for the person she is.  (And I know she's a lovely person from what you've told me before.)

I really don't think that when you boil the situation down to love and harm/harmless nature of her thoughts that anyone could possibly feel that there is any conflict.  Try to focus her on Jesus' teachings of agape love, which is basically where He promoted love, compassion and respect above all else in His teachings.  Loving relationships, whether homosexual or heterosexual, do not contravene this theme and nor do they contravene the two most important commandments that Jesus spoke of and which characterise this theme and automatically lead to fulfillment of every other good commandment of God found in the Bible.

PS:  I'm not sure if it'll help but this website contains a fairly good run down of the theological arguments supporting g*y Christians.

http://www.gaychurch.org/Gay_and_Christi...

Answer 3

Sister, I would tell her that her family is worried about her. The problem is they are doing it wrong. A family's job is to lift our children up and prepare them for the world. They need to encourage her and help her in her journey.

Tell her that God loves all his children and that she is certainly a child of God. Tell her that God loved her so much that he sent his Son that she might have everlasting life.

I would tell her that Paul says there is nothing in all of creation that can keep us from God's love - this includes her homosexuality. Nothing can keep us from God's love.

I would also be willing to email her if you felt that would be helpful. We have already heard of one tragedy tonight. Surround this precious daughter of God with love and help her accept and believe in herself.

PJ

Answer 4

This is the reason why I stopped wanting to go to church.  Sure, there are some good people that go to church but a lot of the people are just hypocrites.  They forget to be Christ-like the second they walk out that church door.

I would tell her to forget all that brain washing stuff some of those churches say and just be yourself.  Live your life the way you want to live it so you can be happy.  And just know that God doesn't care if you're g*y.  Just be a good person in life, don't judge people, help people and be kind and caring.

Answer 5

look for information on the Metropolitan Community Church online.  you will find some helpful information there.

Answer 6

This is why religion is so bad.  Why would she be born with her sexuality if it was wrong?  Why would anyone think that God gives a d**n who we sleep with as long as no one gets hurt?

http://www.gaychurch.org/Book_store/by_a...

I hope this site can help her.

Answer 7

I would ask her questions like these and see if asking the right questions can get her thinking about things the way we think is right:

1. Did you choose to be attracted to girls?  Do you think you were born that way?  

2. How do you know God thinks it is wrong to be g*y?

3. OK so it says in Leviticus that it is an abomination for a man to be with another man...look at all the other stuff that Leviticus says, like for example it is an abomination to eat shrimp or to wear two different types of fabric at the same time.  Why do Christians ignore everything else in Leviticus except for that one verse?

4. What about all the Christians and Christian churches who believe that God mad some people g*y and some people straight and there's nothing wrong with it?

I think that when someone is raised with strong beliefs it takes asking them the right questions to lead them to different answers.

Answer 8

As a Christian g*y man, I'd tell her she is a beautiful, wonderful, normal, natural, loved child of God.  Then I'd try to help her understand the love of Christ and move toward Him so that He can do with her what He wants.  Tell her to search web sites and books and do some research on what the handful of verses used to promote homophobia really mean.

The pain she is experiencing has nothing to do with her, but is caused by the hatred and reviling from those around her.  The last thing she needs is for militant anti-g*y activists to recruit her into some "ex-g*y" scam which is what they will ultimately try to do.  Thousands and thousands of ex-ex-g**s attest to the harm caused by these scams and some even commit suicide because of them.  She does not need to be baptized in more hate and self-loathing from humans promoting the anti-g*y agenda.

Homophobia is a sin and the pain in her life is evidence of that sin churning around her.  We are told that we will know them by their “fruits.“  The fruits of homophobia are pride, ridicule, lies, reviling, prejudice, discrimination, unjust laws, hatred, bigotry, firing people from jobs, attacks, bullying, violence, suicide, destroyed lives, murder of g*y people and utter disregard for Christ‘s commandment to treat others as we want to be treated. ["A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit." (Matthew 7:18)]

Answer 9

I know what you're going through having a friend that you feel you cannot help. But you can. But first you have to evaluate your thinking. Reflect on what the Bible says about it, only then will you be able to help her. The Bible says: What! Do you not know that unrighteous persons will not inherit God's kingdom? Do not be mislead. Neither fornicators nor idolator's, nor adulterer's nor men kept for un natural purposes nor men who lie with men........... will inherit God's kingdom. 1 Cor 6: 9,10. Remember too that God made male and female in the beginning, he did not make two females or two males. God is the originator of marriage. He the one who sets the standards. Not me or you. We cannot simply live the way we think we should and still please God. This is why he gave us this Beautiful instruction manual ( The Bible) to follow or lives by. Without this we would be in the dark. You should really read it.

Answer 10

There are some things in this life we can't help others with.  This is one of them.  Just be there for her when she needs someone.  What she is, is between her and God.  And only her and God can work them out.  With God all things are possible.  Believe me, God will be the one to convince her it is okay to be herself and still belong to Him.

Answer 11

Since she a fundamentalist Christian tell to her that in the Bible God says it is abominable a man with another man; but it's not said that it's bad a woman with another woman. This is for real, the God of the bible is a freak.

Answer 12

Here's what I would tell her:

"Sit alone, quiet yourself for a while and try to release all thoughts from your mind. When you are comfortable and feeling OK, think about who you are as a natural human being. What makes the most sense to you? Do this exercise several times.

If natural to you is being a L*****n, how could God have made a mistake in creating you that way?

Look around and see how many religions there are in the world. God didn't create those - God only created love and mankind created religions as a way to commune together. Perhaps there are other churches that would support you acknowledging and accepting the whole person God created you to be."

I was raised a strict Catholic. When my parents found out I was g*y it was a rocky road at first. But in my heart I believe I was sent into my family to teach tollerance and acceptance just by being there. My relationship with God has never been better. My relationship with my parents before they passed was tremendous. We all come into this life to learn and to teach, in all kinds of ways.

God created your friend the way she is because this was the best way for her to learn and live and grow. If she needs someone to talk to you can email me and I'll give you my personal email address which you can pass on to her.

I googled religions that accept g*y people and the link is below. I think you'll find some good resources there. If you need a list of churches or religions that embrace g*y people I'll send you a list - just email me.

Tell your friend she is not alone. We have a huge community out here and all of us are blessed children of God. She doesn't have to do this alone.

(Sorry this is so long! It's a subject near to my heart). And thank you for your open mindedness with regards not only to g*y people, but people who believe in God.  

Answer 13

tell her, in a less crude way then i am saying, of course, that what turns her peepee on has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with her capacity to give and receive love and in absolutely no way makes her heart unworthy of God's UNCONDITIONAL love. yeah. that's what "I" says! s'aboot time we started REALLY separating the notions of s*x and love... because one does NOT automatically mean the other... only for those who know how to SYNTHESIZE do they...

Answer 14

Just be there for her.  Be her friend, and try to understand.  Offer advice when asked, stand by her when she feels troubled.  Just do the best you know how to do.  Nobody can ask any more than that.  Just be a true Friend.  Good luck.  

Answer 15

If God didn't want her to be g*y, he wouldn't have made her that way.

Suggest that she find a church group that's less radical about g*y people as well, like the Unitarians.

She needs to be around people that tell her it's okay to be who she is.

Answer 16

Shes be herself widdu dump ze old frendz.