What should I think of this ?

Question

My six year old son just said to me, out of nowhere :

When i die, you can keep my clothes as a way to remember me.

I am rather distressed by this. What could make him think he would die before me ?

Answer 1

OMG that's a bit creepy. He probably saw something on tv or somewhere. If he talks about death or anything else like that again i think you should talk to him, he could be suffering from depression even if he is only six.

Answer 2

He's just a kid. Kids say all kinds of stupid things. I wouldn't worry about it

Answer 3

i think he's just playing, but keep a good eye on him

Answer 4

most children talk about death at some point they do not understand its finality like we do they see it as some what of a game...no matter how upsetting that may be. dont worry x*x

Answer 5

I remember my sister saying something similar when she was young. She was about 4 and the doctor told my mother that it was just her learning about death and making it a game as way of understanding.

Your son will be fine don't worry about it. Tell him he'll have a long happy life and has nothing to worry about!

Answer 6

This just seems like a no brainer.  Talk to him.  Communication issues are why most people have so much trouble.  Kids talk about death, it is normal.  However find out his thought process.  Don't minimize death but don't overreact either.  Ask him remember when you said I could keep your clothes when you die, well I am a lot older than you what makes you think you will die first?  He opened the door to this conversation, to shield him from it is naive and opening up problems later.  A 6 yr old can understand, and should know that people are born then they grow to a kid, then grown up then become a grandparent then die.  A lot of 6 yr olds don't get the concept of death being permanent though.  If he were having issues you would know it.

A good friend of mine does have an asperger 8 yr old son who was severely bullied and he talked about wishing to be dead.  You treat it same as an adult.  Ask if there is a plan, of course he didn't have one.  If there is a plan then you remove it (scissors).  Then sign a safety contract.  Then follow with a psychiatrist appt.

It sounds like your son is fine.  Probe deeper and figure out what he is thinking and then go from there.  You will probably be reassured.

Answer 7

He probably just figured out that when you die, you never come back and doesnt know it is usually because of a certain age. If he is sick or thinks he is sick, he could have reason for saying that. He knows people can die of sickness and was just trying to be sweet. Ask him what he meant by that because when he tells you I bet you will feel like an idiot. Kids have their own reasons for everything they do even if it only makes sense to them.

Answer 8

Maybe he saw a movie with you, or something... I dont know.

That kinda freaked me out.

Answer 9

Kids say strange things all the time my mom said that when I was little I was picking out birthday candles for myself and I said "This is the last birthday I'll ever have" she said she was quite afraid they also say funny things like my older sister said when I was four we where at a LIncolen momorial and I said "You guys he's dead we don't have to worry about him anymore" ha ha

Answer 10

kids say things like this it is normal.  just as it is upsetting to think your son would die before you, kids like to think their parents will always be there

Answer 11

I dont know..wow. you know these days kids hear everything at school, friends, tv anyplace. Just ask him...ask him why he thinks he would die before you. Maybe he has heard about other kids dying for several reasons and he thinks maybe all kids die first (which you need to explain to him that not all kids die young, that accidents happen for kids to die) but most of the time everyone gets older and all grown up before anyone dies. If he is smart and curious and open enough to say that to you then he can be asked why he says that. Have a little talk with him, but dont go into real detail, just enough to reassure him that this doesnt always happen and that you will protect him and that he will grow up to be just like daddy..give him some relief from thinking he will die soon. Poor little thing I hope he doesnt think about that all the time, that would be so sad. Have your husband sit in on it too, so he can say I was once your age and see Im all grown up to have you and you will do the same...kinda thing. Good Luck!

Answer 12

My kids pick things up all over the place.  Don't be distressed it's normal for them to come up with all different kinds of stuff.

Answer 13

Kids im afraid say the strangest things, sometimes it stops you in your tracks. I find it hard to suggest what to say as i too would be tottaly stumped and rather upset. Ask him what made him say such a thing and talk it through with him fully to try and see if there is something more too it - e.g has he heard someone talking or saw something on tv ? There must be a reason?

Answer 14

I have no idea.  I've never heard of a child talking like this before.  I can understand why this would disturb you as I have found it disturbing just by reading it.  Has he recently got his hands on any videos/DVDs that he shouldn't be watching?  For example, does he have easy access to your movie titles?  Perhaps he managed to watch one of them & got the idea from there...No, I am NOT blaming you, it's just a possibillity that he might have watched something bad.  

My only suggestion is that you sit down with your son, talk to him & see if you can get him to tell you why he would say such a thing.

Good luck.

Answer 15

This is totally normal! I'm surprised by the answers saying anything other than this. No, it does not indicate depression, no, it does not indicate he has been watching anything inappropriate and no, it does not indicate he has overheard or been spoken to about something inappropriate. As a one off incident in a normal six year old this is completely normal. At some point all young children learn about the concept of death and at such a young age it means very little to them. He has obviously grasped on some level the concept that dead people don't come back and that the living like to remember them but he hasn't really got beyond this to understanding how other people feel when people die. If he has no experience of death it means he has no idea what its actually like to have someone die, small children don't have the emotional maturity to imagine emotions like that and therefore to him the subject is not one of sadness and morbidity yet.

Basically he isn't thinking he will die before you in any sort of morbid way that we might think of as adults. He is a small child and that means he ultimately believes that his mother will live forever (although when questioned he might express a more logical view deep down all children think their parents are invincible and will always be there.) Since he is old enough to know about death he realises that he will die (again not in the same way we realise that, only in a sort of "this death thing is something that's going to happen at some distant point in the future,") but to him his mother will always be there. Logically therefore he concludes that he will die before you and since he knows people like to remember the dead has said you can have his clothes.

It is simple childlike thinking, nothing to worry about and certainly there isn't really any need to talk to him about this. Doing so will probably cause him unnecessary distress (a small child does not need to hear that their parent will die at some undetermined point in the future, except in cases of terminal illness where they need to be prepared). As he gets older he will just naturally change his thinking pattern as he learns more about what death is and how it works. For now though he's just a child who made an offhand comment about something he is only just beginning to understand. Please don't worry about it!

Answer 16

I wouldn't worry.  Probably something he heard/saw on tv.