What should an adopted child's "original" family be called?

Question

So, how should I refer to my son’s biological parents? I have heard so many things and a lot of pros and cons to each. Although today was a first for Tummy mommy!! ;) I have had others refer to them as his real parents…Uggggg!

His bio-father is deceased, so mainly it is his bio-Mother. He does have contact with members from each side of the family and they are his Aunts, Uncles, Cousins or his brother. So it has never really been a concern with what to call them…. That’s the easy question, they are his family.

Answer 1

It depends on his age and how the adoption is set up between his biological mother.

I think it's best to just call her an Aunt until he gets old enough to understand the situation.

If he is old enough, then she is his birth mother, but you are his mother.

Answer 2

I'm a birthmother in a open adoptions.  

        The wonderful couple who adopted both my kids from the start was very truthful, honest and called me by my first name.

        My kids have always called me by my first name, until about 3 years ago the kids on their own started calling me mom.   At dinner one night a few months ago the kids were talking about how they like calling me mom and how cool it was to have two moms.       Their mother without missing a beat told them it's now twice the nagging.  

            From early on, the adopted "mom" had told me  "You're their mother too and never forget that."   I never truly understood what she ment.  I wasn't there for the day to day routine.  I wasn't able to hold them when they got sick.  I didn't feel like a mom............until my son started calling me "mom". And it hit me.  Anyone can have a kid and be called a "mom", but it takes a "mother" to love and  raise your kid.   She was right, I am a mother. and it took me 16 years to realize what she ment.

         Don't call them 'tummy mommys" or made up names, it feels like a disconnection from the birthmother.   Using the first name has more meaning and explaine to the kids that they came from, ex: "lucy's tummy"  it's more personal and has more meaning.

Answer 3

how bout original family

Answer 4

Embryonic Genetic Production Providers (EGPP)

Answer 5

First mother.  Biological, first, or original aunt, cousin, brother.  Nobody is real or not real.  Nobody is natural or unnatural.  These terms hurt and confused me growing up and I don't want that happening to anyone else.

Answer 6

Usually they're just refered to as the "birth parents"

Nothing negative there, its just the truth.

Answer 7

Birth parents usually

Answer 8

i dont see why they cant just be refered to as bio parents or birth parents. I hate the word REAL parents. No one can actually define that.

Answer 9

I think families should use whatever terms work for their individual family and adoption circumstances.

Answer 10

Genetic family.

People who have contact, nurture and love a child are "family", genetic or not.

Tummy Mommy romantacizes it all, but if that comforts your son at this age, that's great.

It's important for kids to know the history of the family tree.  Who they were, what they were good at, what made the grandfather a hero, types of businesses or personalities, Historical figures, adventurers, when they came to America, where they settled, etc.  That's where the strongest connections are.  

The Genetic Family connections and "birth mother & birth fathers" emotional justifications aren't always what really matters.

Knowing my dead birth fathers military history & birth grandparents histories are where I "feel" the connections in myself and my child.

Answer 11

I have 3 siblings that were adopted. One was adopted before I was born(she was adopted from California) but I know came to my family when she was 5. My adoptive brother was born in India and he came to us at 6 months old(that's when the adoption process ended, my dad and step-mom had been working on it since he first became in his BM's womb). The last one came to us when she was 12. She was from Uganda, Africa and she had gotten out of her 10 year life in the orphanage.

All 3 of those kids called their  birthparents, the orginals. My sister from Uganda has yet to reunite with her "orginal" parents, my brother has reunited with his orginal mother (father is in jail)and my oldest adoptive sis from California's parents died, which is why she came to live with us.

Use the term birthparent or orginal parent.

Answer 12

Abandoners, deserters, leavers, as$holes. Take your pick.

Answer 13

sounds like you answered your question quite well and honestly yourself.  He's still in contact, they're his aunts, uncles, cousins and brother.

you're still his mom and dad.

Answer 14

Birth parents, Mom and Dad ____________(insert their names), just call them their regular names... some kids call them mom and dad. It depends on the relationship your child has or has had with them. This is something that you should let him choose.

Answer 15

his family

they are still his family even though you adopted him

now as for the mother

you could say birth mother or biological mom

explaining that she created and or carried him inside her belly and when she gave birth to him,she gave him to you to raise because she loved him so much that she wanted him to have the very best and she didnt feel that she could give that to him.

Answer 16

I am also an adoptive parent.  We tend to refer to our children's birth parents as, birth mom or birth dad.. but we are also very comfortable referring to them by name.  I have also heard some call their birth mom's their life mother's.  I guess I am just more familiar with birth parents, birth family, birth sister/brother.  Really, what are you and your child comfortable with.  Have you asked his birth mother what she would like to be referred to as?  I would want to please her as well and not label her something that made her uncomfortable.

Answer 17

Whatever fits. I would suggest using something that has no negative connotations, such as calling them her/his First Family, First Mom.

Answer 18

Lets see.. she's his mother.  So are you.

My son calls me Mom or Mommy, and the mother who gave birth to him Mamma.

When we describe the relationship to outsiders, we call her his birthmother, because it doesn't require explanation.  Within the family, she's Mamma when speaking to our son and her given name when speaking among adults.

ETA:

That O'Donnel woman shouldn't have been allowed to adopt puppies, much less children.  Children deserve truth, presented age appropriately,  not nonsense.

Answer 19

I have a few cousins who are adopted and when we refer to there biological family we call them their Birth Parents, as they are the ones who conceived them but we refer to my aunty and uncle as their real parents as they brought them up. hope this helps

Answer 20

my family called my birth parents the biological parents..thats it plan and simple.

Answer 21

I am adopted. I call my bio-mom, the orginal and my bio-dad, my birth father. I was adopted at birth and didn't meet my bio-dad till I was 18. I met my bio-mom a year ago, and she didn't love me.

So I call one "the orginal" and the other "birth dad".