What should be done about a four year old who refuses to respond to simple greetings and questions?

Question

I have instituted an in-room "time out" for failure to respond cordially to "Good morning," with modestly good results, but she still often refuses to answer very simple questions, such as "Why did you do (insert act)?" or "What would you like for breakfast?" I can often only get an answer after prolonged probing. When I say she doesn't answer, I mean literally that. She is silent. I have told her that it would be better to say, "I need a few minutes to think about it," but she never remembers to do this. It's just so rude.

Would you punish this? If so, how? If not, what would you do?

Answer 1

No, doesn't sound good - punishing your child for not answering. It would only get her more nervous about answering you.

In any case, your questions are a bit difficult for a 4-year-old. "Why did you do (insert act)?": Children being children don't think through their actions, they just do it. If you ask them why, be prepared for a blank look. "What would you like for breakfast?": Why not give her 2 or 3 choices (cereal or pancakes?) instead of asking an open-ended question?

I think instead of punishing her, it would be better for you to talk more, perhaps fill in for her when she doesn't answer. Not only is this less stressful to both of you, but she might eventually catch up.

Answer 2

Please don't punish her by giving her time out for not answering.  I see that it could be a problem, but only if you must have your answer immediately.  Try giving her your choice for breakfast if she won't tell you what she actually wants.  Then, if she complains, tell her that you can't read her mind so you did not know what she wanted because she didn't tell you.  Whatever you do, DO NOT give her what she tells you she wants after you have already served her what you chose.  She should get the message.  Some children are more verbal than others, but when you say "good morning" it would be polite for her to answer.  Try the positive approach.  If/when she does answer your greeting, reward her by a big hug and tell her how wonderful it makes you feel that she is learning to be polite.  If it persists, though, you might want to try a sticker chart.  Every time she answers your greeting or question properly, reward her with a sticker, three stickers earn a reward (a small one, perhaps a cookie).  good luck.

Answer 3

Other than being annoying to you, perhaps she is not a morning person?  I really do not think not answering is a punishable act, unless you are asking her to tell you something really important.  I applaud you for wanting her to be polite, however.  How about giving her natural consequences?  "What would you like for breakfast?"  No answer?  "If you won't tell me, I guess you can wait until you can."  "Good morning Sally".  No answer?  Start the conversation..."Good morning mom!  It's a lovely day, isn't it?  I believe I would like pancakes, eggs, sausage, two pieces of toast, a large bowl of cereal, a dump truck of coal with whipped cream..."  See if that doesn't get her going...